


Knight in Shining Nissan

by Zoi no miko (zoi_no_miko)



Category: Dark City (1998), Mirrors (2008)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Porn, Alternate Universe - Twins, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Beach Sex, Blow Jobs, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dirty Talk, Families of Choice, Family Drama, M/M, Porn Video, Prostitution, Switching, Twins, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, gay for pay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:54:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 69,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6581755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoi_no_miko/pseuds/Zoi%20no%20miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Larry doesn't mind that he's become one of his adult film studio's go-to actors when it comes to defiling the straight boys who go gay-for-pay. In fact, he's pretty goddamn pleased. Until he meets Ben Carson - beautiful, overworked Ben, who's just getting naked on camera to pay for his mother's medical bills. It's hard to find a lasting relationship while working in the industry, but maybe the cards aren't as stacked against them as it seems...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bonnie131313](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonnie131313/gifts).



> For Bonnie, who probably knew exactly what she was getting into when she said "Why _haven't_ you written a porn star AU?"

Prologue

Ben doesn't worry about what will happen if someone he knows finds out about the photos. He has far too much to worry about already to bother with trivial things like that. Mom is the biggest worry, and the fact that her latest chemo isn't going well at all, despite the brave front she puts up when they visit. Money comes next, because medical bills have eaten up almost all of Dad's life insurance policy money and the profits from the sale of the house. Ben's never not made rent, of course, but the tiny bachelor pad that he and Daniel share is falling apart, and the landlord doesn't give a shit about it. Ben knows there's ten guys just like him who'd pay his over-priced rates just to be be located decently close to transit, the hospital, and the university.

School is third, because he's promised Daniel that he'll finish his GED, even if some mornings all he wants is to fall into bed and sleep off the exhaustion of eight hours of hard labor at the warehouse. It's a hard promise to keep when he knows this is all he'll ever do for the rest of his life, though with a GED maybe he can move up to team lead, maybe even shift supervisor. But he tries not to think about that too much. Best to take things one day at a time.

Daniel is his strength - his brilliant twin, his shining light - but also a worry. He's gotten enough scholarships to cover the university courses he's already taking at seventeen, and Ben thinks that if Daniel can keep getting grants and loans and if he's careful with their finances he can stretch their small college fund far enough to get him his bachelor's. He can't think beyond that, because the thought of Daniel not being able to live up to his amazing potential because of something as fickle as money is too heartbreaking to contemplate.

Then there's smaller worries, like the fact that he's a month behind on the electric bill and his steel-toes are wearing out, whether or not the groceries are going to last until his next paycheck and whether their battered family Honda will stay roadworthy for another season. And they're going to need something nice to wear to graduation - or at least Daniel will, who's up for valedictorian. And his cell phone's out of minutes, and gas has gone up again, and....

"How much?"

"Two hundred for today's shoot. Three if you're man enough to hold another man's dick."

Hilary's barely been working with them for a week. Ben doesn't know much about him, other than he's ex-military and much more of a looker than most of the grunts he normally works with. He returns Hilary's gaze evenly. "I'm not gay."

Hilary grins, raising his shoulders. "Neither am I. Neither are half the guys I've met. It's just for photos. You in?"

Three hundred dollars under the table would go a long way. "Why me?"

"Other than the fact that you look like an all-American high school quarterback? Actually, that's mostly it. And the guy I was supposed to be shooting with got thrown in the drunk tank. And you look barely legal. Wait, you are legal, aren't you? Nevermind, don't tell me. You are now. You in, or not?"

With three hundred dollars he can catch up on the electric, buy new boots and cell minutes and maybe, just maybe take a couple hours off work to cook a really nice dinner to take to Mom in the hospital. He has fake ID. He can pass.

Despite the little voice at the back of his head telling him that he should worry a lot about the consequences of taking his clothes off for money, it's a concern that seems inconsequential in relation to everything else, so he agrees. The photoshoot ends up being not nearly as bad as he'd worried it would be, as long as he does what Hilary tells him and doesn't look too closely at the men behind the lights and cameras.

He wouldn't admit it, but... it's even a little exciting.

Definitely the easiest three hundred dollars he's ever made.

"Think you'll do it again? You should, you know. You're too good looking and too well-endowed to waste your life hauling crates." Hilary rambles casually as they dress, as if he hadn't had his fingers wrapped around Ben's cock ten minutes ago. "I could get you in with my agent." He grinned and winked. "I get a signing bonus."

"I'll think about it," Ben replies, and for the first time in his life finds himself seriously considering a career in porn.

~~~

 

Over his earbuds, John hears the apartment door open, then shut again, and the sound of Larry's keys hitting the countertop. He pulls one bud out of his ear, but doesn't turn from his laptop. "Hey! How was the shoot?"

"Great, until I got jizz in my eye. Hurts like a bitch!"

John sucks a sharp breath in through his teeth, turning around to look at his roommate over the back of the couch. "Oh god. Again?"

Larry pulls a cold beer out of the fridge and pops the top off on the edge of the counter, taking a long swallow. One of his gray-blue eyes is very red, but John knows from experience that it'll calm down in a few days. "What do you mean, again? It's only the third time."

John snorts, stealing a glance back to the laptop screen. "There's a reason most guys close their eyes for the facial, you know."

"But then I wouldn't be able to watch." Larry's generous mouth turns up into a teasing grin. He rounds the kitchen island to peer over the back of the couch, snorting as he catches sight of the laptop. "Jesus, don't tell me you're back on that cam boy site. Don't you spend enough time looking at naked men at work?"

John smiles as he regards the blond man on screen, who also happens to be the only cam boy he's bothered with for weeks. Daniel. He's sitting crosslegged on a bed with papers and books around him, wearing nothing but a pair of glasses. He's slender and fine featured, and even though he's a little too broad-shouldered to be a true twink there's still a certain sweetness to him that John finds irresistible. "It's different."

"Why, 'cause you're paying for it instead of getting paid?"

John's lips purse at the reminder, but he forces himself to shake his head. "The money doesn't matter. It's just nice to enjoy something without any expectations being put on you, you know? It's not about sex, not like the guys that film. I like just talking to him."

Larry plumps down onto the couch beside him and leans a head on his shoulder, red hair brushing John's cheek as he regards the laptop. "Cute. Too twinky for me. Just like talking to him while you happen to admire his naked body, hm?"

"And I'm learning about cognitive behavior therapy."

Larry snorts. "Let me guess - cam boy's just doing it to put himself through med school. Just like everyone else."

"He is! Legitimately!"

"Is he even gay?"

John knows that he's pouting, but makes no effort to stop himself. "He says he is. Not like you're one to talk. How many guys have you filmed with who were just gay for pay?"

"Tons, and not nearly enough. And it'll be one more on Wednesday, Alan's convinced one of his straight boys to come over to the dark side. Says he's a gorgeous blond all-american boy-next-door type with a nice fat cock." Larry almost purrs out the words. "God, I love molesting straight men."

"You perv." John laughs as he shoves him into the crook of the couch. "See? We all have our vices. No more teasing me about my cam site membership."

Larry chuckles and leans in, nuzzling his hair. "All right, green eyes. But only 'cause you're cute. I'm going to crash... wanna come with me?"

It's tempting. Larry's always tempting, and moving in with him had been a nice bonus to agreeing to get fucked on camera when he started out in this business. But it isn't the kind of sex he wants tonight. "Mmm. Not really in the mood. Thanks, though."

"Suit yourself." Larry kisses his temple and disappears into his room.

John puts his second earbud back into his ear and relaxes to the low, throaty tones of the cam boy's voice. He doesn't understand half the terminology that Daniel uses as he talks his way through his research and reports, but that's kind of part of the charm.

"Structured cognitive behavior training theory contends that in any emotionally dependent relationship, people make emotional decisions rather than rational choices, and it creates a belief-induced emotional state. When someone is in this state, they are incapable of making rational choices for more than a short period of time due to an emotion-driven subconscious process that overrides their conscious mind."

John's only paid for a private chat once, but he's been toying with the idea of indulging in another one all afternoon. He bites his bottom lip as he smiles at the screen and pulls open the chat function. _'I definitely have that for you, then. Do you think you'll have time to talk alone tonight when you're done your work?'_

He hears the chime of his message on Daniel's computer through the headphones, and watches the boy lean in and smile as he reads it. He's actually blushing when he turns back to the webcam, which does strange, fluttery things to the pit of John's stomach. "Hi Nightwing69, nice to see you again. I was actually thinking of taking a sanity break in a few minutes, if you're interested?"

 _'Very much so,'_ John writes back, and takes his laptop into his bedroom. He sprawls out on his bed and listens to Daniel say goodbye to the rest of the channel as he gathers his work up off the bed. Before they go private, though, a direct message pops up on John's screen.

_'I don't suppose you'd like to actually talk? If you have a mic?'_

The invitation surprises and delights him. _'There's one on my laptop, and I'd love to.'_ He accepts the request from Daniel to private chat as the open room closes down, and activates his mic. "Uh... hi?"

Daniel re-attaches the webcam to the top of his computer, smiling warmly. "Hi. Thanks for going on mic, it gets really quiet in the apartment."

"You're welcome - I mean, it's no problem. I mean, thank _you_ , it kind of surprised me that you'd want to...." John can't understand why he feels so flustered, stumbling over his words. But Daniel keeps smiling, just as sweet and charming as ever.

"I've noticed you in chat a few times, you've always been very polite. Very kind. What would you like me to call you? Just your handle?"

"Ah..." John almost gives his film name, then stops. He doesn't want to be Dick Grayson right now. "John. Actually John, not John as in _John_...."

"John." Daniel smiles and sprawls back against the pillows, adjusting the webcam before running a hand down his stomach and over one thigh. The bed has navy blue sheets and pillows, and in the warm light from the bedside lamp his skin looks pale and flawless. "You have a beautiful voice, John. Very sexy."

John feels his cock twitch in arousal, and he cups himself through the comfortable black yoga pants he's been kicking around the house in. "So do you."

He watches the tip of Daniel's tongue appear between his lips, lingering for a deliberate moment to moisten them. "Well, John, was there anything in specific you'd like to talk about?"

John's done a couple short stints on cam sites between films, but he isn't cut out for the constant customer interaction. He much prefers filming, where he only has to worry about the camera and his partner. Or partners. He knows from experience that Daniel's probably had his share of difficult customers - pushy, insulting, or even abusive. He doesn't want to be that. "Just anything you'd like to talk about. I've had a long day. I'd just like some pretty company while I unwind."

Daniel gives a soft, happy hum at his words, closing his eyes for a moment and burrowing back into the pillows as his fingertips tease the base of his cock. "I think that sounds like the best thing I've heard all day. That's exactly what I was hoping for myself." He makes eye contact with the camera again, still smiling. "Do you mind if I pleasure myself, John?"

"I'd like that very much." John runs his thumb down the length of his cock through the silky knit of his pants, just concentrating on the computer monitor for now. 

Daniel gives another one of those delectable, happy moans as he curls his fingers around his cock, squeezing and stroking, slowly growing hard under the stimulation. "Mm, thank you... it's been a really long day."

"Are you really in school?" John can't decide whether to keep his eyes on Daniel's cock, or the way his lips move as he speaks.

Daniel's laugh is soft and easy. "I certainly am. If I was faking it I'd choose a far easier focus of study. In any case, doing this has given me some interesting insight into human relationships."

"You'll make a good psychiatrist," John tells him, and means it. "What you do... you're so patient and good natured. I don't think I could give so much of myself to the viewers every day like you do."

Daniel turns more towards the camera, suddenly more alert, curious. "You think it's noble, what I do?"

John hesitates. It fills a need, same as what he does. But it's not the same as porn. "I think it's very generous of you."

"And what if I like it?" Daniel's voice lowers, the throaty rumble sending a shiver up John's spine, and John can't resist the urge to slip his fingers into his pants, mirroring the movement of Daniel's fingers on his cock.. "I get to explore my sexuality in a way that's completely safe. I can have my pick of dozens of partners at any time. I can be a whore and a virgin at the same time."

"Are you actually?" He finds the idea interesting, surprised as he is by it.

"I've never physically gone all the way, no." That cute, shy smile is back on Daniel's lips, and he rocks up into his fingers. "But I love toys. Would you like to watch me fuck myself, John?"

The thought makes John moan appreciatively under his breath. He pushes his yoga pants down over his hips and kicks them off, cupping his balls with his free hand. "I'd like that a lot."

Daniel turns over to grab something beside the bed, offering John a brief, tantalizing view of his round, pert ass. Then he holds up a clear tupperwear with a small selection of toys. "Preference?"

He almost picks the oversized silicone one before he spots a red plastic one that's crooked at the end for prostate stimulation. "Does the red one vibrate?

"It certainly does." Daniel sets the others aside and uncaps a bottle of lube, squeezing an ample amount onto his cock and stroking it down his length with an appreciative moan. In moments he's working slick fingers up inside himself. "Mm, yes... been wanting to do this all day...."

He's so gorgeous like this, so appealing. John can't resist the urge to continue to mirror him, groping for lube in his bedside drawer. "God, you're beautiful."

Daniel smiles, continuing to finger himself with unhurried ease, stroking his cock slowly. "It's so sweet of you to say that."

"You must know that you are," John insists, glancing from his hands back up to his lips. "And your cock is incredible."

"Do you think so?" Daniel's voice is a low purr, his gaze not leaving the camera. "Do you like it, John? Would you like to suck me?"

"I'd do anything you asked me to," John says truthfully, the thought making him almost helplessly aroused. He pushes a third finger into himself and lets go of his cock to grope in the drawer again, sighing in relief as his hands close around the thick girth of his favorite toy. Almost as thick as the beautiful boy in front of him.

"Do you like to be dominated, then?" Daniel's voice is low and inviting. "Are you a size queen, John?"

"Sometimes," John admits pouring more lube over the toy. "I'd have you any way you wanted me, beautiful. Will you use the toy for me now?"

"Of course." Daniel slicks the red plastic. "Would you like me to move the camera to give you a better view?"

John shakes his head despite knowing that he won't see it. "This is fine. I want to see your face."

Daniel smiles, the vibrator humming as he turns it on, pressing it back between his thighs. For a moment John's lost to the sight of him, his eyes closing and lips parting to a moan as he slowly works the toy inside himself. "Mmm... feels so good...."

Suddenly John aches with the need to be filled. His own dildo is thick, and he gasps as he pushes the flared head past his tight ring of muscle. "Oh fuck yeah."

"Are you fucking yourself for me, too?" Daniel takes on a subtle dominance as he pleasures himself, rocking the vibrator inside himself slowly. "It certainly sounds nice on your end. Tell me about it."

John bites his lip on a moan, hips rocking up against the toy. "It's almost as big as your cock... fills me up so good, I - mmm, it's so big...."

Daniel gasps as he adjusts the angle of his vibrator, his cock jerking against his stomach. "Is that what you're fantasizing about, John? My thick cock?" His voice lowers to almost a growl, so much intensity in his eyes that John feels like he can hardly breathe. "Do you want me to fuck you, John?"

John whimpers despite himself, falling back into familiar habits of dirty talk as he works the toy faster, legs spread wide and toes digging into the bed for purchase. "Oh fuck yeah... pound my asshole, god, fuck me hard...!"

Daniel moans openly, working his cock too now, breathing hard. "I bet your tight ass would feel so good around my cock, wouldn't it? Pin you down to the bed and fuck you until you come on my cock...."

"Oh fuck...!" John can last for ages if he wants to. He has to be able to, on film. But there's no expectations for him now, and he lets himself get caught up in the pleasure of the moment, fingers moving fast and slick over the shaft of his cock as he squirms and rocks up onto the thick length of his dildo. "Fuck, harder - god, come inside my slutty little asshole, fill me up, wanna feel you - "

"Yeah?" Daniel bites his bottom lip on a moan, shuddering visibly. "Oh god, John, I'm so close...."

"Please let me watch you," John manages to gasp, completely caught up in the intensity of Daniel's pleasure mixed with his own, riding the edge of orgasm and forcing himself to hold back for one more agonizing moment of stimulation. "Wanna watch you come, Daniel, oh god please....."

The other man comes with a gasped cry, hips jerking up against the vibrator, head thrown back and eyes clenched shut as he loses himself to pleasure. It's sensual and visceral and raw and real compared to what he experiences on film, and John lets every thought and memory go except for this. He cries out as his pleasure crests, rocking up onto the dildo again and again, extending the intensity of his climax until it's too much to handle. Then he collapses back onto the bed, breathing hard, easing the toy away as he works the last few spurts of come from his cock.

Post-orgasmic Daniel is even more gorgeous, which he hadn't thought possible. His body is lax and languid as he catches his breath, stomach glistening with his own come. Finally he turns his face back to the camera, eyes heavy-lidded, his well-shaped lips widening into a sated smile. "That was really, really good...."

"Mmhmm...." John murmurs agreement, smiling as he watches him. "You're very good at what you do."

Blue eyes flick open behind his glasses, and Daniel's smile widens. "Would you like to know a secret?"

"Of course."

"It's because I don't have to fake it with people like you."

John knows that it's part of the craft to make him feel special, but he still feels warmth curl in the pit of his stomach. "I bet you say that to all the sexy-voiced men."

"Just a few." Daniel's reply is soft and fond, and John lets himself believe it. "Thank you for spending time with me, John. I really enjoyed talking to you."

"It was most definitely my pleasure," John replies, and is still smiling after he says his goodbyes and shuts down his laptop. He makes a mental note to send the cam boy an extra tip in the morning.

Rationally he knows that this is just work for the other man, but the connection still feels real. It feels _private_. Maybe, if he's lucky, Daniel will invite him to go on mic again sometime.

~~~


	2. Green Eyes on Grindr

**Larry Byrne**

I'm sure from the outside a lot of people would have asked why a porn star of my calibre even needed Grindr. Between getting paid to fuck hot people on camera and having access to said hot people while not on camera, it would be easy to assume that I didn't need to go anywhere else to get my rocks off. But the truth was that I liked the ease of a meaningless hookup. I liked option of uncomplicated, no-strings-attached sex where I didn't have to worry about angling for the cameras or holding back my orgasm for one more take. It was... refreshing.

And Grindr was _teeming_ with fuckable hotties.

I'd been idly messaging back and forth with a man for several days whose screen name was John M. but who I thought of as 'Green Eyes on Grindr", and I knew I needed to agree to a hookup. I'd held out longer than I normally did because I was actually enjoying talking to the guy - he was a pretty, flirtatious little thing with a ridiculous sense of humor and refreshing optimism. I knew that once we hooked up I probably wouldn't hear from him again. But it was obviously what he was there for, and I knew if I put it off for much longer that I'd probably lose the chance.

 _'Let's stop texting like teenagers and meet up. I swear I'm not secretly a butthisface just selling good myspace angles,'_ he messaged, and I chucked to myself.

_'Sure thing, pretty boy. But I'm on top.'_

_'Handsome, if you wine and dine me you can do anything you want to my sweet ass. You can pick the restaurant. Maybe close to your place? Wink wink nudge nudge?'_

The thought of an actual date was unexpectedly refreshing. I picked a little thai place a few blocks from my apartment and sent him the name and time.

He was prettier in person, I decided when he walked into the restaurant. John had piercing green eyes and cheekbones to kill for. He looked even skinnier than his Grindr had lead me to believe, but still muscular enough that he wasn't twinky, thank god. His dark curly hair was longer and more unruly than his pics as well, but I found myself liking that. I waved him over, giving him a smile and a wink as he crossed the restaurant.

"Well hey there, Red. Nice to finally meet in person."

I tried not to react to the nickname as I pulled him into a hug. It wouldn't be the first time someone on Grindr had recognized me from porn. But I didn't sense any guile in John's green eyes, and it was an obvious enough nickname, so I just smiled, patting his ass. "Likewise, handsome. You hungry? They do a mean iced coffee here. Though I have to warn you that it'll keep you up all night."

John straight up chortled as he sat down, throwing his worn backpack under the table. "I think I can deal with that. Sorry I'm a bit of a mess, by the way. I came straight from work."

I tried to think back to our conversations. "I thought you were shooting some indie film?"

His smile seemed to fade for a second - or was that my imagination? - before coming back in full force. "I was, but it's in post production right now. Just doing some pleb work between auditions. I don't think I ever asked you what you do, did I?"

"Modeling, mostly," I replied, happy when the waitress arrived to take our orders.

We spent longer at dinner than I expected, but I found that I was enjoying myself far too much to rush things. John proved an entertaining storyteller - he'd moved out from New York a year ago to pursue an acting career, and his tales of home had me in stitches. We talked through food and ice cream and another order of iced coffee, but as the staff started making motions towards closing up I realized I'd have to move things forward.

"Well, green eyes, as nice as this is we should probably let them close up. Come back to my place for a drink?"

John smirked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "And more than a drink, I hope?"

"You bet your cute little ass. Let me get the bill."

"What's modeling like?" he asked as we made our way back to my house. 

I slipped an arm around his waist under his backpack, pulling him close. "Not as glamorous as you'd think. I really just do catalogue, underwear, that kind of thing." It wasn't a complete lie - my agent had a number of ongoing contracts for me that weren't purely porn. "You have to get used to people seeing you half or all naked."

"Was it hard to get into? I was thinking it might be a good thing to look at. Just to do between shoots, you know. Get my face out there a bit more."

"So so?" I wracked my brain for knowledge of actual modeling, pulling back and making a show of looking him over to buy myself time. "You're definitely hot, and the right height for it. And you've got a bit of a unique look to you, that would serve you well. You'd have to get in with an agency first. Get headshots, that kind of thing."

"Do you like your agency?"

His questions were getting uncomfortably close to what I actually did for a living, but thankfully we reached my apartment before I had to make up anything else. "It's okay. Don't really want to talk about work, though. Come up and I'll pour you a drink. I'm afraid I've only got light beer 'cause regular beer goes straight to my ass, but we could do a splash of bourbon on ice?"

"God, I'd love a splash of bourbon. Everyone here drinks way too much wine."

John was just as flirtatious in my kitchen as he had been in the restaurant, but more forward now. He stepped into my space as we drank, one hand smoothing around my waist, warm through the thin cotton of my shirt. "I've really had a good time tonight, handsome," he murmured, and I took the invitation of his upturned lips, smiling as I leaned in to kiss him.

"Just getting started," I murmured, smoothing my fingers down his sides to grab his hips and pull him closer. I could feel the jut of his hipbones under my touch, and as I stroked my hands to cup his pert ass all I could think about was getting him naked and under me in bed as soon as possible.

John was beautifully responsive, gasping against my lips between kisses before diving in again with a demanding hunger, sucking and nipping on my bottom lip. He pushed his hips up against mine insistently as we kissed, and I could feel him getting hard against me. I broke from his lips to nip at his earlobe. "Let's go get more comfortable, hm?"

John bit his lip on a low groan, then took a step back. "Yeah. But, um, I really hate to do this but I smell like I've been moving office desks all day, which coincidentally I have. Do you think I could use your shower...?"

"I can't smell anything," I replied, stepping back into his space and sliding my hands around his waist. "We can clean up when we're all sticky afterward, yeah?"

He laughed, shaking his head. "I smell to me and that is decidedly unsexy. But if you want we could start out with sex in the shower....."

"Mm. You have the best ideas, green eyes. Come with me."

John leaned into me as I pulled him towards the bathroom, licking up my neck, breath warm against my ears. "I hope you have boxes of condoms, 'cause I want you to fuck me six ways to Sunday."

I wouldn't have dreamed of trying to fuck him bareback - on top of it being a breach of my contract, it was way too unsafe. But I always appreciated it when my partner brought it up first. I smiled and kissed him, squeezing his ass. "I buy stock in them. Go in and get undressed. I'll be right with you."

John was already in the shower when I returned to the bathroom, and I lost no time in stripping down to join him, leaving the supplies on the edge of the counter near the tub for easy access. I took a moment to admire the long, lean lines of his body and the jut of his very nice cock, and the way the water coursed over him. Then I stepped under the spray with him, pulling him into a hungry kiss as my hands smoothed over his wet skin. "Mmm... you definitely have the best ideas."

John gave an appreciative hum into my mouth, stroking his hands up my chest and around my neck. "Mmhmm... always feels so decadent to me...."

"And an excuse for you to rub your hands all over my wet soapy body?"

John's hips gave a little buck up against mine, grinning against my mouth. "I wasn't aware that I needed an excuse?"

It was incredibly decadent, I had to admit, stroking ample amounts of slick body wash over his chest and shoulders, licking along his jaw and nuzzling his wet curls. I paid extra attention to the places that made him gasp and arch closer to me, making murmured jokes between kisses about getting him extra clean. By the time my fingers curled around his cock I was hard and aching, grinding against his hip as he rocked up into my touch.

"Oh god, Larry. Please fuck me. We can fuck in the shower, right? God, I want you so bad...."

I nipped at his bottom lip, giving his cock one last stroke and pulling away. "Turn around and put one foot up on the side for me, then. Hang onto the shelf."

John presented himself like a porn star, back arched and pert ass pressed up towards me. But this felt nothing like work. I stroked my still sudsy hands over his ass, stroking my fingers between his cheeks and over his hole, smiling at his soft moan of frustration. "Fuck, Larry, please...."

"Please?" I pressed my fingers against him more firmly, just barely working into him. Then I pulled them away, pulling the shower head off the wall and aiming it at his ass. "Maybe I like watching you squirm and beg for my cock."

John drew a sharp gasp as I moved the spray from his ass to his sack, wiggling the showerhead to provide more stimulation. "Oh fuck - I'll beg as much as you want as long as you give it to me hard. Come on, handsome, fuck my ass. I'm literally dying here."

I laughed, hooking the shower head back to the wall and angling the spray away from us. Then I pressed close and kissed up his neck as I reached for the lube, grinding my cock between his ass cheeks. "Literally dying? Well we can't have that, can we?"

John pressed back against my lube slicked-fingers with a groan, taking them easily. "I've wanted you to fuck me for _days_. Fuck, that's enough. I'm ready. Fuck me. Fuck me hard and fast and make me come on your cock."

I certainly had no desire to deny him. It only took a moment to tear open a condom and roll it on. Then I wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him in place, mouthing kisses up his neck as I rocked deep into him with a few hard thrusts.

"Oh fuck yeah...." John's voice was a gasped whine, hips bucking back against me eagerly, his body hot and tight and shuddering around me. I nipped at the crook of his neck, grabbing hold of the tiled shelf in the shower beside his hand to brace myself, hips snapping up into him hard and fast. Normally I employed far more finesse, but we had plenty of time for that later. Now all I wanted was to fuck off all the pent-up sexual tension that we'd built throughout the night. From the way John responded I was certain he was just as worked up as I, rocking back against me and crying out with each thrust, gasping encouragements. "Oh fuck yeah, just like that, god, harder - !"

"I'll fuck your tight little ass so good," I gasped against his ear, using him harder, each thrust jarring his body. "Fuck you hard and make you come all over the wall... then I'm gonna take you to bed and suck your brains out through your cock before I pound you into the mattress - !"

"God, yes! Yes - yes to all of that - I'm such a whore for you - fuck!" John's words were lost to his gasped cries of pleasure, and in moments he was clenching tight around my cock, shuddering and wailing out his orgasm. It only took a few more thrusts for me to follow him, burying myself deep in his hot, tight ass and jerking up against him as I filled him with spurt after spurt of come.

For a long moment I held him tightly to me, catching my breath and reveling in the bliss of still being inside him. That was one of the few things I disliked about doing porn, having to give up the bliss of coming inside my lover for a more camera friendly money shot. I pressed soft, breathless kisses to his skin as we came down, hissing as he rocked back and clenched around my cock with a moan.

"Oh god, that was perfect..." he breathed finally, making no move to pull away from me. "You fuck like a pro, handsome. I could ride you all night."

"I have a lot of practice," I agreed with a chuckle, urging his face to turn so I could claim his mouth in a long, slow kiss. "As for the second thing... I'm up for that challenge."

John proved just as vocal and passionate in bed as he had been in the shower, and when I'd fucked him into exhaustion and he made sleepy noises about staying the night I wouldn't have dreamed of denying him. It occurred to me as I drifted off to sleep that his ability to dirty talk rivaled some of my most experienced co-stars, but it hadn't bothered me. John had been so passionate and so obviously into it that it was as different from my day job as he could be.

Waking up the next morning to the slick warmth of his mouth on my cock was a delightful bonus.

As much as I would have liked to spend a lazy, decadent day in bed with him making love multiple times, I had a shoot that afternoon and it was already almost eleven. I kissed his neck and told him I'd cook breakfast, leaving him naked and beautifully ravished in my bed. I'd just cracked eggs into a frying pan when he wandered out sleepily, digging a pair of clean boxers out of his backpack where he'd left it in my front entry and pulling them on. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and snuggled up against my back. "Breakfast? You're such a gentleman."

"Don't say that until you've tasted it. My cooking skills are bachelor at best," I warned him, stepping away from the pan to butter the toast and taking him with me.

"I'm sure it's fine," he replied, nuzzling my neck. "Larry, last night was really, really good... we could do that more today if you want. I don't have any commitments."

I reached back to squeeze his hip, then started dishing food onto plates. "Don't tempt me, handsome. I have a shoot this afternoon."

"Damn."

For a long moment we ate quietly. When John had cleared his plate he leaned back in his chair, sipping his coffee and stroking his hand into the front of my housecoat to stroke my thigh. "You know, if you wanted... I could just stay here and do dishes and be waiting naked for you when you came back."

I wasn't sure if I was particularly comfortable with leaving a fling alone in my apartment, even one as friendly and seemingly harmless as John. I smiled, trying to sound apologetic. "Don't really know when I'll be home, sorry. But I could call you tomorrow, if you like?"

"Oh. Yeah, okay." His smile seemed strangely forced. "Sure, I'd like that."

It seemed weird that he'd suddenly be so clingy. I moved my chair closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his hair. "Hey. I'm not just giving you the brush off, I promise. I like you, you're fun. And the sex was blistering. Just don't wanna burn that out all at once, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." John turned his face to kiss me softly. "Long as we can do this again soon."

I returned his soft peck. "Promise."

I watched him pour another cup of coffee as I started to clear the table, and a thought suddenly occurred to me that made my stomach sink like lead. With how he was sitting at the table I could clearly see the lines of his ribs through his skin, and it struck me that he was far too skinny for someone with as good an appetite as he'd displayed. I glanced at the battered backpack by the door, then cleared my throat, trying to figure out how to ask about my suspicions without being completely insensitive. "Hey, do you want me to give you a ride home on my way to the shoot?"

John shook his head. "Oh god no, I'm all the way out in Westchester. I'll catch the bus. Thanks, though."

"Okay." I started to fill the sink with hot water to wash the frying pan, finally speaking again as John came up to stand beside me. "You know... I had a coworker staying with me for a couple months last year. Helped him get back on his feet. He went to rehab for a bit of a drug problem, and when he got back none of us had any idea for the longest time that he'd lost his apartment. He'd been hooking up with random guys and crashing at their places, showering at work. Worked out okay until one of the guys he'd picked turned out to be a homophobic asshole and beat him within an inch of his life. He told me after the hardest thing about asking for help was having to swallow his pride and admit to the truth... but he wished he'd done it sooner."

Standing next to me, I could hear John swallow, though his voice was barely audible. "I've never done drugs."

"Okay." I moved closer to him, wiping the suds off my hands on a dish towel before wrapping an arm around his waist. "But you're still in a bit of a hard spot right now, aren't you? There's nothing wrong with that."

John sagged into me, and I could feel him trembling against me. "I... I don't have anyone I can ask. Mom's already working two jobs at home to keep my sister in school at Juilliard. I just have to work harder, I...."

He choked back a sob, and I pulled him tight against me, stroking my fingers through his hair and down his back. "Shh... it's okay, sweetheart. Let go if you need to. I've got you."

Those were the words that broke the dam on his tears, and I kept holding onto him, stroking his back as his shoulders shook, murmuring soft reassurances. Finally he pulled back, sniffing hard and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I've never told anyone, I...."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," I reassured, ripping a piece of paper towel off the roll and offering it to him.

He blew his nose, shaking his head. "There's lots. You barely even know me, and I - "

"John."

He looked up at me past matted eyelashes, green eyes even more strikingly bright when they were red-rimmed and bright with tears. "Yeah?"

I stroked my fingers along his jaw gently. "Ask me."

A visible shudder ran through him, his voice rough. "I'm a mess. Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Maybe someone helped me out of a bad spot once," I told him, quietly. "Maybe I just wanna do the right thing. But that's not what I need you to ask me."

John swallowed hard, closing his eyes, and gave the barest nod. "I... I don't have anywhere to go right now," he said finally, letting out a long breath. "Do you think... Could I stay for a couple days?"

I pulled him close again, pressing a kiss to his hair. "You can stay for as long as you want to, provided you let me feed you."

He let out a shaky breath. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, you haven't heard my terms."

John pulled back to look up at me nervously, but I gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'm not going to force you to be my sex slave or anything."

His mouth twitched towards a smile. "I wouldn't mind."

"I believe it," I replied with a smirk. "If sex happens it happens. But I don't date, John. We're friends and roomies, that's it. You have to be okay with me bringing guys home when I want to. I'll help you network some kind of work and you can rent my spare room when you get the cash together. And..." I stopped, drawing a deep breath. "You're also going to have to be okay with the fact that I'm a porn star."

I'd expected disgust. Definitely not the delighted little smile that spread across his lips. "Are you really? Like, with your modeling, or...?"

"I have sex on film for a living." I regarded him calmly, despite the pounding of my heart.

John's smile widened. "Kinky."

"It's really not," I shot back. "It's long hours spent in uncomfortable positions mashing your gentials together with someone you have to pretend to be into."

He shrugged, still smiling. "I'm an actor. Think your agency would take me on?"

I knew my agent would take him on in a heartbeat based solely on looks. "If you can perform for the cameras like you did for me last night? Probably. But it's seriously not glamorous, John. Your love life won't ever be normal. You wanna do a film or two for quick cash, fine. I'll help you. You do more than that and no studio will look at you for actual acting jobs."

John nodded, smile fading as he looked away. "Yeah. But that's not really any different from now. And fucking on camera for cash is a hell of a lot better than blowing some asshole on the street."

I stroked a dark curl behind his ear. "You been doing that?"

His lips tightened. "Maybe a couple times."

I sighed, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. "No more of that. Promise me. It's not safe. And you're way too pretty to be a common whore."

"Just an uncommon one?" The touch of his former playfulness made me smile, but his expression was serious when he pulled back to look up at me. "I promise. And Larry, I... I wasn't just whoring myself out to you for a place to sleep. I do legitimately like you. I liked having sex with you. Not everyone I've been with, but.... I wasn't playing you, I swear."

I smiled, brushing his bottom lip with my thumb affectionately. "I believe you. Let's go get showered, okay? I'll take you in to meet my agent, you can get the lay of things while I film. You can see what it's like and if you still wanna do it." Conveniently today's shoot was going to involve getting spit-roasted. If that didn't scare him off, not much would. "I'll lend you something nice looking to wear, don't worry. Then we can hit up an STD clinic. Regular testing and exceptional safety practices will be in your contract. And full disclosure of your sexual history. Can you deal with that?"

He nodded. "That's fair. Larry... thank you. Really, I mean it. If there's ever any way, anything I can do to ever repay you...."

"Just focus on getting back on your feet. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," I told him, tugging him into the bathroom.

"Sex tonight?"

I turned the shower on and looked back at him. "And if I'm too tired for anything but cuddling on the couch and eating takeout?"

John's smile softened. "I'd like that too."

I returned his smile, not being able to help feeling a soft affection for him. "Deal. Now get your cute little ass in the shower with me. We've got work to do."

~~~


	3. Knight in Shining Nissan

Larry Byrne

I made it a habit to research my partners in advance of a shoot. It was nice to know what you were in for, after all. And responsible, to make sure they hadn't been with any shady studios or have any overt stains on their record. Everyone in the industry was required by law to disclose full sexual history and maintain impeccable cleanliness and monthly STD examinations, but as far as I was concerned I couldn't be too careful. Not with my livelihood on the line.

After bidding John goodnight, I locked myself in my room and logged in to Mirrored Entertainment's streaming service, searching for my soon-to-be co-star, Benedick Spears. Not a huge filmography, but a pretty decent one for a boy who'd only ever done straight porn. I scrolled past a good dozen films before finding a solo video and loaded it, leaning back against my bed pillows to get an idea of what was in store for me.

Instantly I could see why they wanted the man for gay porn. He had a gorgeous, high school quarterback look to him, masculine with just a touch of boyish charm, and a meticulously kept body, strong and muscular.

Then he took off his pants and I understood why he'd made it so far.

I wet my lips and undid my jeans. This was going to be _fun_.

***

 

When Wednesday finally came I arrived at the studio in a good mood, amped to work and nerves buzzing in anticipation of a good experience. Doing porn wore a lot of performers down very quickly - it wasn't like normal sex, you spent far more time on set mashing genitals together in awkward positions for the camera for it to be truly sexy - but in my four years of working I had yet to stop enjoying what I did. My agent encouraged it, said my attitude shone through on camera, claimed it got me far more gigs than I would have otherwise. My extensive filmography seemed to reinforce the truth of his words.

The studio had been an office building, once upon a time. It was fully converted now into three different stages, other rooms filled with props and set pieces. But the best was the slew of small offices that had been made into delightfully private dressing rooms, a luxury that not all studios I'd been to provided. I snagged one that I used on the regular, taking my time getting completely ready to shoot, physically and mentally. It was nice to have privacy while I got into the right headspace for a shoot, fingering myself open with plenty of lube and pushing a wide silicone plug into me to keep my body ready. Finally I pulled on the outfit I'd been left, some kind of prep school Harvard boy slacks and blazer look, and headed outside.

Only one other dressing room appeared occupied. I rapped lightly on the door. A lot of directors preferred their actors not to meet beforehand on this kind of shoot, wanting their straight man to be as on-edge and uncomfortable as possible. It wasn't my style, and my agent supported me in that. It felt a little bit too rapey for me to allow it. Plus, I fully believed that the film would be far better served with the chemistry I could develop if I had a little bit of time to chat up the boy before hand.

"Sorry, I'll be out in a moment - " The dressing room door opened, and I found myself staring into the startled blue eyes of my gorgeous hunk of a costar.

I could immediately tell that he was on edge, holding himself stiff and tense. I gave him the warmest, most nonthreatening smile I could manage. "No rush. I just wanted to stop by and say hi."

"Oh. Red, right?" he managed a nervous smile, taking my outstretched hand after a moment of hesitation. He was dressed in baggy jeans and a v-neck shirt, obviously the frat boy to my prep. That would be a fun angle to play.

"Yeah. But call me Larry when we're not on set."

"Sure. I'm Ben. For real, Ben. I was just reading over the intro script... do you wanna come in?"

The invitation made me smile wider. "Yeah, sure. Is it terrible?"

Ben let out a soft, huffed laugh. "It's pretty bad. Not really sure what I expected. Feels kind of... objectifying, I guess."

I shrugged, perching on the edge of the table in the room and leaving the chair for him. "It's gay porn. Less effort to do straight porn, they only care about the broad you're fucking."

Ben settled on the edge of the chair, still tense and uneasy. "You ever done straight porn?"

"Did a couple of spit roasts when I was starting out, but I prefer this side. Better pay, more demand for actors. What made you decide to come over?"

He glanced away, well shaped lips tightening against each other. "You go where the money is."

I felt a pang of sympathy for his obvious discomfort, and gave a soft hum of understanding. I'd seen his variety of desperation in others, though from his clean cut look I felt I could safely presume it was personal financial reasons and not because he was a cokehead. The drugs were always readily available in the industry, but I had far more respect for the coworkers who were able to say no to them. "I know how that is. Mind if I look at the script?"

He nodded, but frowned as I picked it up off the table. "I don't like that I have to call you a pansy-ass faggot."

"Yeah?" I found the line easily, unexpectedly reassured by his dislike of it. "You don't have to, you know."

"Really?"

"Of course. Just call Alan and tell him you're worried it'll hurt your image with the viewers. He'll talk to the director and take care of it right away."

"Oh. Okay, I will. Thanks."

I skimmed the rest of the two pager as he pulled out his phone to dial our agent. Simple enough scenario - desperate frat boy failing his classes and his straight A student roomie offering to write a paper in return for sexy times. Nothing groundbreaking for me... just for him.

Ben seemed more at ease by the time he clicked off the phone, and he looked back up at me and smiled. "Thanks. And for coming to talk. I feel less like a fish out of water now."

It was exactly the effect I'd hoped to have. I returned his smile. "Good. You ready to get out there?"

He let out a long breath, standing. "Yeah, I guess we should get on with it."

"No should. If you need a bit more time that's fine. I can wait with you or go tell them we need a bit. Up to you."

Ben's face was carefully blank as he studied me, glancing over my features for a long moment. Then his eyebrows knit together slightly. "No, I'm good. I just...." He stopped, visibly struggling with his words, shoulders hunching as the tension from before came back. "I wanna ask a favor, but you're gonna think this is really dumb...."

"I don't think so," I tried to reassure him, despite not knowing what he was worried about. "Try me."

"It's just not in the script, so I...." He stopped, closing his eyes for a moment, letting out a long breath and swallowing hard. "Before we go out there, do you mind if I kiss you?"

 _You are the cutest fucking thing I have ever seen_ , I thought, and just barely managed to keep the words in my mouth. Instead I smiled, keeping my voice soft and non-threatening. "Not dumb at all. You can do whatever you'd like, Ben."

His sigh seemed relieved, and he stepped closer to me, bringing a hand up hesitantly to cup my face, thumb stroking my skin. I let myself enjoy it, smiling softly as I pressed into his touch. I could feel the heat of his body as he leaned into me, and I let my eyes fall closed, lips parting to the soft press of his.

Ben's kiss was slow and tentative but sweet, and I couldn't help but give a soft hum in appreciation, moving my hands to rest on his hips. Ben's fingers slipped into my hair, and he ran the tip of his tongue lightly over my bottom lip before catching it between his, sucking gently, echoing my soft moan as he pressed up against me. It was completely unlike the hard, possessive kisses I normally shared with my costars on screen, and when he pulled back I had to bite back a whimper of regret.

"Thanks," he said, the huskiness in his voice sending a shiver of desire down my spine. "I know it's dumb considering what we do, I just... don't like going straight to fucking, you know?"

I gave a soft laugh, forcing lightheartedness when all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off. "Yeah. You're right, thanks." Then I grabbed a bottle off the shelf in the room, shaking two small blue pills into my palm and offering him one. "Bottoms up?"

He took it with a wry half smile, swallowing it down and following me out onto set.

It was easy to get into character under the set lights, falling back on the experience of dozens of shoots. I could have played this scene as the predatory molester, but instead I went slutty and whorish, wetting my lips and looking up at him through my eyelashes as I purred my lines. "I've seen you in the shower, big boy. I want that huge dick all to myself."

"I'm not gay." Acting or not, Ben's uneasiness was believable.

"Doesn't matter to me. And you might change your mind on that when I'm done with you."

Dropping to my knees, I ran my hands up his thighs and over his stomach. It wasn't ever too difficult for me to psych myself into a state of arousal on screen - especially with the help of viagra - but it was easier than normal with Ben. I reveled in the firmness of his body under his clothes, the feel of his cock hardening through his jeans as I palmed and rubbed him through the fabric. It was incredibly sexy to be in this position with such a beautiful man, teasing and caressing him, and in no time at all he was flushed and breathless, cock straining at the front of his jeans.

Making sure to angle to the camera, I mouthed at his cock through his jeans, groaning appreciatively as I unzipped his pants to let him spring free. "Not even wearing any underwear?" I murmured as I licked up the length of his shaft. "You little whore."

"I'm not a - oh fuck!" Ben's fingers scrabbled at my shoulders as I took his cock in my mouth, groaning as my lips slid down his shaft. He was just as thick as I'd anticipated, and I reveled in it, licking and sucking and reveling in the way it felt to have my lips wrapped around the girth of his cock. I'd been with larger men on screen before, including one guy who was comically huge, but there was nothing sexy to me about having to choke down a horse cock that I could barely fit in my mouth. Ben was the perfect size - big enough to be an incredibly good time without being so big to make things awkward.

I pulled his jeans down his hips to give the camera a better view as I swallowed him to the hilt. I made no attempt to hide how much I enjoyed putting on a show, rubbing my lips and cheeks against his cock, licking up his shaft and mouthing at the head of his cock. The stretch of the thick plug I still wore inside me only stoked my arousal, reminding me of what was to come. I shrugged out of my prep-boy blazer, undoing my slacks so I could languidly stroke myself. 

We cut briefly to take direction and let the cameras move, and then continued, Ben perched on the edge of the couch in our fake living room with his jeans kicked off, hips rocking up into my mouth. I could hear his breath go ragged, fingers clenching tight in my hair, and I gave myself over to it completely, groaning around him as he rocked up into my throat.

Then suddenly he was pulling me back, wrapping a hand tight around the base of his cock. "Stop, stop - fuck - "

I heard the director yell to cut as I dropped back to rest on my heels as, giving Ben a smile and catching my breath. "Need to take a breather?"

"Yeah." He gave a soft, incredulous laugh, shaking his head. "You're too good at that."

I couldn't help but grin at his words. "I try, handsome."

"I don't like how this is going." We both turned as the director approached, frowning. He was a bearded white guy who was probably in his mid thirties and dressed like he was trying too hard to be artsy. He'd only done a few films with the studio from what I knew, so I hadn't worked with him before. He hadn't done anything to endear me to him yet.

"You want to set up another angle?" I offered, but he shook his head, stabbing a finger in Ben's direction.

"Your performance is the issue. You're enjoying this too much. Aren't you straight? Give me some of that frat boy attitude."

"I don't think - " Ben started, but the director continued uninterrupted.

"Get upset, get angry at him. This faggot's molesting you, for gods sakes!"

I saw Ben recoil, but I spoke before he could, getting to my feet. "Hey! You think you're being edgy? This isn't a snuff film. Gay men wanna see hot straight men getting off on a dude sucking their cock, and Ben's giving them that in spades!"

The director glared at me. "Did I ask your opinion, whore?"

I gave a hard, incredulous laugh, staring at him. "Did you seriously just call me a whore?"

"You're fucking right I did. I'm the director. Get back on your knees and earn your keep."

I felt my face flush in rage. "The hell I will! I didn't sign up to have some homophobic asshole insult me and my co-star. I'm not doing another fucking take with you."

"Larry - " Ben started, and I turned back to him, feeling almost dizzy with rage.

"No. Listen to me. No indie-film failure is worth more to the agency than your well being, all right? I'm calling Alan, I want this asshole out of here." Then I started for my dressing room as the director cursed at my back, not caring that my slacks were still undone. I yelled to one of the production aids to get Ben a housecoat before slamming the dressing room door behind me, faintly trembling with rage.

It only took a moment to get the studio's talent agent on the phone. Alan was only the second agent I'd ever had, but I knew I'd never work for anyone else. He'd sharked me from a far less savory studio and helped me build my reputation from the ground up, and he'd never been anything but respectful towards me. In return I'd worked my ass off for him, and helped recruit three of the agency's most successful gay actors, including my current roommate.

"He called me a whore and a faggot," I said as soon as he picked up. "He's a fucking bigoted asshole. I won't work for him, Alan."

"All right. I'll come down and take care of this, Larry. You're right to be angry." Alan's voice was low and soothing, and I felt the hair on the back of my neck begin to calm down. "Take Ben outside for a cigarette and wait for me to sort things out, okay? I know you'll take good care of him."

Ben. I felt a sudden surge of guilt for leaving him out there alone. "Okay. Yeah, I will. Thanks, Alan." Then I put myself back together, zipping up my slacks over my flagging erection and grabbing a pack of smokes out of my bag.

The production aid had gotten Ben a robe, but left him so she could try and calm with the director's angry ranting as he did a line off a coffee table in the corner. Ben was watching them, looking awkward and out of place as he stood at the edge of the bed. He glanced over to me with wide eyes, and I held up my cigarettes and jerked my head towards the back hall silently.

In minutes we were safely outside, squinting in the brightness of the hot afternoon sun as we stood under the narrow overhang, hiding from the heat. I kept the door open behind me, not caring if I was wasting air conditioning or breaking half a dozen smoking laws. I offered Ben the pack first. "Smoke? God, what a nightmare. I'm sorry. I've never had issues like this at this studio."

Ben gave a sharp nod, taking a cigarette and lighting it. "Thanks. What did Alan say?"

"He's on his way down. He'll sort things out." I lit my own smoke and drew a long drag, trying to let the remainder of my anger out as I exhaled. "Fuck. This is a real shit deal for your first gay shoot, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. He was more of an asshole to you. Thanks for standing up for me, by the way."

I shrugged. "No big deal. We need to look out for each other in this industry, right? Look, if you're uncomfortable we don't have to finish today."

He glanced away, lips tightening. "Kind of need the paycheck, to be honest. Are you okay to keep going?"

 

I know you'll take care of him, Alan had said. I gave him a warm smile. "Yeah, 'course I am. I know I went off like a diva but half of it was show. It'll take more than some homophobic douchenozzle to keep me down."

Ben and I chatted idly as we smoked, and by the time our agent appeared I felt much more myself. Alan was a slight, handsome little darling with an infectious smile and an energy to him that made him seem eternally young despite his silvering hair. He'd done his share of films in his youth, and I'd always enjoyed myself the handful of times we'd slept together. 

"Thanks for calling me. It's taken care of, you won't have to deal with him again. But the footage is good enough that we don't need to re-shoot it. You two okay to finish the flick?"

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Without a director?"

He chuckled. "I'll finish up, darling. I think by now I know what makes a good flick. You just do what you do best and I'll make sure the finished product will make the boys drool."

Maybe it was the security of having Alan there, but once Ben and I got back into the studio and got back to fooling around it was easier to get back onto the headspace I needed to shoot. I stripped Ben of his clothes and shucked mine before pushing him back into the crook of the couch, crawling over him and licking up the hard lines of his abs and over his chest. "Look how hard you are for me. This isn't such a bad trade off now, is it?"

He drew a sharp breath as I wrapped my fingers around his cock. "You better write me a good paper."

"I'll write you the best paper," I murmured, licking up his neck as I stroked my hand up and down his shaft. "Right after I fuck myself on your huge cock and come all over your chest."

I grabbed the lube as the cameras reset, easing the plug out of my ass and tossing it in a basket behind the couch. I grinned at Ben's crooked eyebrow. "Even I can't handle a big boy like you unprepared, handsome."

"You were seriously wearing that all this time?"

I shrugged, moving back to straddle his lap and stroking lube down the length of his shaft. "I've gotten used to it. You need to take a break?"

He shook his head, and in moments the cameras were rolling, one set zoomed tight on my ass. I knew how to work to the camera, holding onto the back of the couch as I slowly rocked onto him, easing down onto his cock and groaning as my body stretched tight around him. It was more intense than I expected, and I had to take a moment to breathe before starting to move, arching up off him almost completely before impaling myself again. "Oh fuck yeah, gorgeous huge cock feels so good...."

The hardest part of this for me was always restraint, keeping myself from grinding my costar's cock up against my sweet spot and riding him hard, angling to my body the pleasure it craved. But there was something nice about this agony, pleasure just teasing at my nerves, my thighs tense and trembling as I lifted myself and rocked onto him again and again.

The gorgeous man underneath me seemed just as into it as I was, his hands moving to clench at my ass, pulling my ass cheeks apart as he started to rock up into me. I bit my lip on a breathless cry. "Oh fuck yeah, fuck my ass. Fuck me hard, fuck me like I know you want to!"

"You want my thick cock?" Ben growled out his words as he gave a harder thrust, pulling me down onto his cock. "Huh? You want me to fuck you so bad? Fuck your tight little ass until you scream? I'll fuck you as hard as you want, you little cock slut. Gonna give it to you so good...."

It was hard to hold back as Ben took control, and I wrapped my hand around the base of my cock as I continued to ride him, more to stave back my own orgasm than to put on a show. The pound of Ben's cock inside me was agonizingly good, and before long I had to pull off of him, breathing hard. "You wanna fuck me so bad, straight boy? Come show me."

"You need a breather?" Ben asked as the cameras reset, and I nodded, trying to slow my breath and taking the glass of water that the production aid handed to me.

"Just a couple minutes so I don't go off like a firecracker. Thanks. God, no matter how long I do this I don't think I'll ever get used to getting fucked that good."

Ben looked particularly pleased at my words, and I laughed, leaning in impulsively to press a kiss to his forehead. "No so bad playing the other side, hm?"

He chuckled. "You definitely know how to convince a boy."

"God, you two are adorable." Alan ruffled my hair before taking my glass from me. "Why did we put you guys in such a shitty script? Something fun next time, I think. Something playful. You have good chemistry for that."

I quirked an eyebrow at Ben as I lay back against the other side of the couch, shoving a pillow under my hips and throwing a leg up over the back. "If Ben's game."

"I think I could be convinced," he replied, blue eyes warm as he held my gaze.

After a few minutes rest I judged my nerves calmed enough to handle going again, and Ben moved into position, rubbing the head of his cock against my balls and down my ass before starting to push slowly back inside me. I reached behind me to grab the arm of the couch, pleasure crawling hot up my spine. "Oh fuck yeah...."

Ben gave two hard, quick thrusts, making me cry out, then slowed, rolling his hips into me. I very quickly realized how well this man knew how to fuck, and in moments I was gasping and squirming under him, cock pressed hard against my stomach, jerking as he hit up against my prostate. "Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck... oh god, give it to me just like that - "

"I'll pound the hell out of this hot little ass," he growled, continuing the mix of hard, fast thrusts mixed with slow rolls of his hips. It proved the perfect mix of stimulation, keeping me on edge without pushing me over, despite how desperately I wanted to come.

"All right boys, let's move into the money shot," I heard Alan say, and Ben sounded as relieved as I felt, picking up the pace, jarring my body with each thrust.

"You have to come on my face," I gasped, grinding up against his cock. "No facial, no paper."

"I'll come all over your face," he managed to reply, giving a few more hard thrusts before pulling back, leaning over me. As much as I wanted to watch him fist his cock, I prudently forced myself to close my eyes, groaning breathlessly as the first warm splash of come hit my chin. I opened my mouth wider, stretch my tongue out to flick against the tip of his cock, feeling elation rush through me at the knowledge of his pleasure as spurt after spurt of come hit my cheeks, lips and tongue.

"Better get that cock back in my ass," I gasped, reaching up to push his hips back.

"You kidding me?"

I laughed breathlessly. "Not done with you yet. You're still hard. Wanna come on your cock."

I wrapped my fingers around my cock as he pushed back inside me, grinding down against him. It was just enough for me to get lost in the sensation, and in moments the world had blanked out to the ecstasy of orgasm. I jerked every last spurt of come onto my stomach, shuddering at each shock it sent through my body and moaning out my pleasure.

Ben's voice over top of me brought my awareness back to the shoot. "That good enough payment for you?"

I laughed breathlessly, forcing my eyes open to look up at him. "Yeah. Oh yeah. That was perfect... don't suppose you're failing any other classes?"

***

Afterwards I took my time cleaning up and decompressing, nerves buzzing with endorphins and the kind of pleasure and relaxation that only came in the aftermath of a lot of sex. Finally I changed back into my street clothes and stepped out of my dressing room. Ben's door was open and the room empty, and I felt an unexpected surge of disappointment to have missed him. Oh well. We'd work together again. 

When I stepped out of the studio it was just starting to get dark, the sky pink and orange above the LA skyline. The heat of the day hadn't had time to disperse, and I instantly felt sticky. I turned to head to my car and saw Ben get out of an old, beat-up looking Honda, cursing as he lifted the hood.

"Oh god, come on, baby. Don't do this to me now goddammit...."

He looked far more frazzled than he had before the shoot, and I felt a pang of concern. I moved closer. "Hey, you need a boost?"

Ben shook his head, brow furrowing as he stared at the engine block. "She's turning over, she's just not running. I thought...." He let out a long breath, then looked up at me. "Don't suppose you know much about cars?"

I shrugged, moving beside him to look down at the engine. "So so. But I drove a cluncker Honda around for a couple years when I was a teenager. Think I spent more time poking around under the hood than actually driving the damn thing."

"Do you think it's the fuel injection?" I could hear his voice get tighter, and my urge to comfort this handsome darling only grew stronger.

"I don't think it's that dire, but let's find out. Hop in the front, we'll check your ECM."

"My...."

I opened the passenger side door and dropped to my knees on the pavement, pulling up the carpet and pointing to a small metal box under the glovebox. "Electronic control module, see? Turn the key to two."

I carefully counted the pattern of blinks on the box's single LED indicator, then grinned up at him. "Your main relay sensor katput. Thinks the engine's overheated."

The furrow between his eyebrows deepened. "That sounds expensive."

"Oh no, it's a super easy fix, don't worry." I got up and shut the passenger door, heading back inside and trusting him to follow me. "This happens all the time on old Hondas. It'll cool down by itself in half an hour or so now that the sun's down. Quick and dirty fix is to ice a towel and shove it up against the relay under your dash, it'll start again once it cools down. You can pick up a new relay for like, forty bucks."

"Oh. Shit. Um, thanks."

I bit my tongue on telling him how adorable he was when he was flustered. Instead I grabbed a towel from one of the dressing rooms on my way to the studio kitchen, dampening it in the sink and putting it in the freezer under someone's half-frozen ice dildo. "It's not a big deal. I had to do this a lot with my hunk of junk. We'll have to give the towel fifteen minutes or so. You have to be anywhere quick? I can give you a ride."

Ben shook his head. "it's fine, I don't have to be at work for another couple hours. Thanks, though."

"You're working after a shoot?" I blurted without thinking, and Ben gave a slightly embarrassed smile and a shrug.

"Just some brainless manual labour. Keeps me in better shape than being a gym rat."

I tried to grin past my embarrassment at being so thoughtless. Whatever was going on in his life, he obviously needed the money. "Well judging by your luscious abs and those biceps I'll have to say that's really smart. You wanna grab a bite while we wait? There's a great little sandwich place a couple blocks away. My treat."

Ben opened his mouth, then stopped. "I - I think I'm good, I can just hang out here."

Despite his hesitation, I didn't think I was the cause of it, so I pushed harder. "It's no trouble, I promise. Come eat. I figure I at least owe you dinner after everything we've done this afternoon."

He gave a soft, surprised laugh, the back of his neck growing pink. "Uh... what the hell. Sure. Thank you."

He closed the hood on his car, and I drove us to the restaurant in mine, quietly glad I'd vaccumed out my Nissan earlier in the week. "Need to call anyone at home?"

Ben shook his head. "My brother works late too. Thanks. You?"

"Nah. I mean, I've got a roommate, but he's just a friend. Dating gets complicated when you fuck on camera for a living, don't you find?"

He nodded, lips pursing slightly. "Hard to find time to seriously woo someone. Haven't really tried since I started all this."

He seemed to relax as we drove, and I looked over and gave him a soft smile as we stopped at a light. "I know porn isn't the easiest career choice. Especially switching sides. You doing okay?"

I watched Ben gaze out the windshield, nodding slowly. "Yeah. Thanks. You've been really.... I didn't want some musclebound cokehead, you know? Done enough shoots sharing women with those douchebags. Alan gave me some recommendations on who to work with, and you looked like you'd be... nice, I guess?"

I felt an unexpected flutter in the pit of my stomach as I started driving. "Thanks, I think? Was it what you expected?"

Ben looked back to me and surprised me with a smile, soft and easy. "Yeah. Easier, actually. Even despite that whole thing with that asshole. Thank you."

The flutter in my stomach turned into full-on flips, and I forced myself to joke past what I was feeling, mentally admonishing myself. "Dicks aren't so scary after all?"

He laughed at my words, relaxing back against the seat. "No. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Yeah?"

His chuckle turned a bit rueful. "I'm not _not_ into guys, I just... haven't really had the opportunity to... figure out what I am into, I guess?"

His words were both what I wanted to hear most and least. I forced myself to grin playfully. "Don't tell Alan that. Milk that gay-for-pay angle as long as you can, handsome. It drives the guys nuts."

Ben smiled, nodding. "I will. Any other advice, oh gay porn guru?"

I paused to pull into the parking lot of the cafe, parking the car before turning back to him. "You asking me to mentor you into this world of multiple dicks?"

"Uh - I guess? I mean, I know I'm going to have to build my image. I'd be really grateful for any advice...."

"Don't kiss on the lips on camera if you're playing straight. And never go ass to mouth."

Ben chuckled, nodding. "Definitely."

Before I could stop myself I'd reached out to rest my fingers on top of his hand. The warmth of his skin made my stomach do another unexpected flip, and it suddenly felt like there was far more intensity between us than there had been during hours of fucking. Ben's smile faded, blue eyes searching mine, and I forced myself to swallow down the nervous thrill I was feeling. "Wanna DP someone with me next week? I could talk to Alan. I mean, if there's room in your schedule."

"I don't have a lot lined up right now," he admitted, and didn't move his hand away. "I'd really appreciate that, Larry."

I tried to force myself to think cynically. Of course he'd welcome my attention, I was one of the biggest names on the label. But he seemed so sweet and vulnerable that it was hard to believe there was any guile in him. I smiled and forced myself to move away, opening the car door and stepping out. "Sounds good to me. Let's get a bite, okay? I'm starving."

Our conversation turned more casual over food, but as we ate it became more and more difficult to ignore the terrible realization that I wanted to cuddle up against him and hold hands with him like some goddamn teenager.

~~~


	4. Nine and a Half

Daniel Carson

Sometimes I really hated being "the smart one". But at the same time, it was a refuge. My mother was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive form of ovarian cancer in my freshman year of high school, and between all the doctors visits and trips to the hospital the easiest escape for me was to bury myself in my coursework. I was already taking advanced placement classes, and mom was so proud of everything I accomplished. Then, when her cancer recurred in our senior year and our family started to run out of money, my grades became even more important. If I could get into University on scholarship and ace my classes, I could open a practice and start billing for far more than my father's police salary. I could dig us out of the hole we were slowly sinking into.

My twin, Ben, went the opposite direction. By the time we reached our final year of high school he was working full time on top of school, hauling stock around a warehouse for ten hours shifts four nights a week. He would have dropped out of high school all together if I hadn't made him promise to finish.

As time went by and mom got sicker, the hardest part of it for me was watching my twin work himself into the ground.

At the end of my first class one day a classmate of mine, May, leaned over the row behind me and touched my shoulder before I could leave my seat. "Hey Daniel. I finished my notes on my part of the reading last night. Figured we could go to the library and get a head start on compiling before our next class, if you don't have plans?"

It took a second for me to remember that we were doing a project together, and I felt myself flush. "Yeah. I mean, no, I don't have plans." Mentally berating myself for my lack of focus, I packed up my books and followed her out of the lecture hall.

"You okay?" May asked, watching me worriedly. "You seem out of sorts."

"I'm fine," I muttered, quickening my pace. "Let's get to work."

"Daniel, you didn't answer a single question all lecture. That's not like you." May's voice was chiding, but kind, and I stopped in the middle of the hallway, sighing.

May had been a first year when I'd started taking university classes, and we'd been friends ever since. She was one of the few in my year who hadn't cared about my age or intellect. I shouldn't have expected to be able to keep anything from her. "Ben was gone again when I got home yesterday. I think he's been picking up day shifts."

"On top of his night shifts?" May's eyebrows furrowed, and she stepped closer to me, lowering her voice. "You guys that hard off?"

I gave a little helpless shrug. "I don't know, May. He doesn't tell me things. I don't know what to think."

Her smile was soft and sympathetic. "Let's go get a latte and we'll talk about it up in the library, okay? My treat. I got really good tips last night."

May usually got good tips, but it would have surprised me if she hadn't. With her long blonde hair and full lips she had the kind of classic, glamorous beauty that surely served her well in the service industry. She was waitressing part time to put herself through school, but I didn't know much about the restaurant other than that they were willing to work around her classes as long as she gave them every weeknight. I would have thought working weekends would be easier. "On a Tuesday?" 

"Wings night," she replied, taking my arm and starting for the nearest campus Starbucks.

"And you finished your notes?"

 

May shrugged, giving me a brilliant smile. "Insomnia. Want a cookie, too?"

"I'm just really afraid Ben's going to burn himself out," I said once we were settled in a quiet corner of the library.

"Have you talked to him about it?"

I gave a soft laugh, shaking my head. "I've tried before. And I've tried bringing up the idea of me getting a job to help out but he just gets upset. Says I need to focus on fast-tracking my masters." I put down my coffee and rubbed my temples, sighing as May placed a hand on my back, rubbing up and down my spine gently.

"Just don't give him a choice, then."

I shook my head again. "I feel like he'll just worry more about me putting my education at risk. But maybe you're right. Maybe I just need to do it and not tell him." I looked over at her. "You seem to be happy enough at work. Is your restaurant hiring?"

 

May looked suddenly startled. "Um - you're not really waitress material, Daniel...."

"Well, obviously. But someone has to bus tables, right? I could do that. Hell, I'll wash dishes if I have to."

May looked away, chewing on her bottom lip. "I... really don't think you want to work with me."

Her discomfort confused me, and I tried to make light of it. "Why, is it a topless bar or something?"

"No. No, it's just...." May looked at me for a long moment, then sighed. "I don't exactly... waitress."

"Why would you need to lie about something as inconsequential as a part time job?" I lowered my voice, suddenly concerned. "Hun, you're not into something illegal, are you?"

"Oh god no. No. It's just... fine. I'll show you." May's full lips pursed as she pulled out her phone, punching something into the screen. Then she handed it to me, looking away.

The URL she'd punched in was perfectstrangers.net/schoolgirls, but the page was still loading. Then, as the image cleared I realized what I was looking at and felt my ears burn in embarrassment. May's blonde hair was in pigtails to match the tiny pleated schoolgirl skirt she wore with knee high socks and Mary Janes... and she wasn't wearing much else, though thankfully they'd covered her nipples with lens flares. I handed her phone back to her quickly, hissing, "You do _porn_?"

"No! I'm a cam girl. Well, I mean I guess it's soft core, but all I really do is sit around naked and do my homework. Sometimes I bounce things off my customers if I'm doing research. One of my regulars is a psychologist from Boston, actually. He pays me extra if I let him help with my homework."

I couldn't quite process what she was saying. "You... chat with people who are there to see you _naked_?"

"Yeah. It's easy. And honestly, it's kind of fun. You figure out how to read people over the internet and how to interact with them in different ways to make them come back more often. Pays a hell of a lot more than waitressing. Hell of a lot less degrading than stripping. If someone starts being an asshole all I have to do is mute them."

I leaned back in my chair and took a long swallow of my coffee, taking in everything she was saying and turning it over in my mind. Now that the initial shock had worn off I could see the logic in her decision. "And they only hire girls?"

"Well, we've got gay sub-sites, but..." she stopped, staring at me. "You're not seriously thinking about it."

I returned her gaze evenly. "Why not?"

"You? Daniel, you blush when shirtless men walk by. Trust me, this is not your jam."

"But I wouldn't be looking at shirtless men," I shot back, my heart beating faster. "Just doing my homework and learning to read my audience. That's what it is, right? That's what we've been learning to do, everything I've been practicing for the past three years."

"Yeah, but...." May leaned closer. "Honey, you haven't even had sex yet. There's a degree of sensuality required."

I glared at her. "Look, just because I haven't let some fumbling college boy stick it up my ass doesn't mean I'm virginal. And I've done cyber sex. The rest I can learn. Besides, half the twink porn out there is awkward shy boys who look barely legal. That's totally me."

"Well yeah, but... no offense, Daniel, I mean you're good looking and all, but... you're kind of... short."

I raised my eyebrows. "I'm too short to get naked on a webcam?"

"No no, I mean...." May made a little fluttery motion in the air with her hands. "Look," she hissed finally. "The boys I work with have to... you know. Have something to show."

I shook my head. "And I don't...?"

Her sigh sounded slightly exasperated. "Fine. How big are you?" At my confused look, she glanced pointedly at my crotch. "How _big_ are you?"

Instantly I felt my face heat again. "Oh. Ah... n-nine. And a half."

May quirked an eyebrow, looking more exasperated. "Centimeters? Give me hard, hun, you can't be that small."

I stared down at my lap, face burning. "Inches. Hard."

For a moment there was no reply, but I couldn't bring myself to look at her face. Finally I heard, "Don't shit me here, Daniel."

I covered my eyes with both hands. "I swear I'm not shitting you."

"There's no way - "

"What reason would I have to lie to you?" I hissed, looking up at her finally. "It's not like I'm into girls."

"But that would be like a tripod on you!"

 

"Please keep your voice down - "

"It's not like a pencil dick, is it?

"SHHH!" I buried my face in my hands. "No! No. Oh my god, May."

May was silent for a long moment. Then I heard her chuckle softly as she leaned in, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and squeezing. "Okay, sweetheart. I'll bring you with me tonight for a tag along, if you want. I'm allowed to as long as you stay off cam and don't interrupt. If you don't run screaming I'll get you in to see the boss. Hell, I'll even split my referral bonus with you if you're still around after three months."

Now that I'd talked her into it I didn't feel quite as certain about it. "You really think they'll take me?"

May chuckled, keeping her voice low. "I think so. I think you're right. Flustered, tiny little twink boy with a huge horse cock? The kids are gonna eat that up."

***

Getting in at May's work was easier than I expected. I met her manager - a stuffy looking British man named Lester - and after a half hour of standard interview questions he put me on cam for an hour for a screen test with a some specially invited "regulars". Despite my nervousness, I couldn't help but find it thrilling. The weirdest part was getting used to seeing myself naked on camera, so I focused on the open chat. There was definitely a challenge to it, trying to keep track of who had asked which question, to figure out how to reply to best address everyone, and to try not to pay too much attention to any one viewer. It was... fun.

"Focus more about your schoolwork," Lester told me when he debriefed with me afterwards. "You don't have to answer every question from everyone in there. Aim for 50% engagement, 50% exhibitionism. It'll keep them wanting more that way. Beyond that, you've handled yourself quite well for a beginner. Three of our regulars report that they quite happily rubbed one out, and they all said that you have a very nice dick and they would like to watch you again."

I felt my cheeks heat at the revelation, but I fought not to show any embarrassment otherwise, smiling. "Thank you very much. I'm glad I could, um, serve okay?"

"You'll learn with experience," Lester said flatly, but though his expression didn't change I thought he seemed pleased. He picked up a folder that sat on his desk with a twenty dollar bill on top, handing both to me. "An honorarium for today. Fill out the paperwork inside and use the guest log in for the site to spend at least four hours watching other cam operators this weekend. You can start Monday. The pay is twenty-five dollars an hour during the peak hours of five pm to ten pm, after that it drops to fifteen. The paperwork outlines the pay structure for any private chats you may choose to take. Your audience also may choose to tip you if you agree to do certain things on camera, which is completely your choice, but you'll take home 80% of all of your tips on each weekly paycheck."

It was perhaps a bit more than a waitress would tip the kitchen, but I immediately realized that there'd likely be opportunity for far greater tips. I nodded. "Thank you very much. I really, really appreciate this opportunity."

"Don't thank me," he said evenly. "Just show up for work on Monday. I don't take kindly to people who waste my time."

"I will. I guarantee it."

I filled out the paperwork on my way home and hid it in the bottom of my school bag. By the time I got home I'd completely thought through what I was going to tell my twin.

Ben looked like he'd just gotten up, nursing a cup of coffee as he stared blankly at a skillet full of frying eggs. He smiled at me blearily. "Hey. School keep you late?"

I shook my head, toeing off my shoes and setting my bag down. Then I took a deep breath. "I got a job."

"What?" Instantly Ben jerked alert, body tense. "No."

"Don't worry, it's with the university," I said quickly. "All I have to do is supervise some focus groups. I can work on my homework while I do it, and it pays really really well. Research grant money." It was only partly a lie, I rationalized. I didn't care where the money came from.

Ben's eyebrows knit together more. "Daniel, I don't want you to have to sacrifice your school work. We don't need the money that badly."

I returned his gaze calmly. "Then why are you picking up day shifts again?"

Ben froze, staring at me, a sudden flush of shame colouring his neck at being called out. He looked away, muttering as he stared back down at the skillet. "I'm not."

"Then where were you yesterday?" I crossed to stand beside him, resting a hand on his back and reaching across to turn off the heat before the eggs could burn. "I know you were working," I said, trying to keep my voice as gentle as I could. "Your steeltoes were gone. It's okay, I'm not mad at you. I'm just asking you to let me help so that you don't work yourself into exhaustion."

Ben's mouth twisted. "I'll be fine, okay? Just wanna take care of you."

"I know. But I want to take care of you, too." I cuddled up against his side, pressing a kiss to his hair. "I couldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you. Please, _mein Herz...._ "

Ben sighed, turning into me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "No fair using nicknames."

"Yes fair," I insisted. "Come on, Ben. It's twenty five an hour. Just promise me you'll stop picking up day shifts, okay?"

"I can't promise that," he replied, a sudden roughness to his voice, and I felt a lump form in my throat.

I swallowed hard against it, pulling back enough to brush my lips against his, stroking my fingers up into his hair. "Ben, _please_. Just let me help.'" My voice shook, but I didn't try to steady it. "You don't know how worried I am about you. And that's far more difficult to deal with than any cushy university job could ever be."

Ben let out a long, shaky breath. "I'm sorry. Please don't be upset. I promise I'll take better care of myself, okay?"

"And you'll let me help?"

He nodded. "But you keep half that paycheck, okay? Put it away for school expenses."

"I will. Thank you."

Ben gave a soft, mirthless laugh, shaking his head as he pulled back, and his eyes were red-rimmed and bright. But the relief I could see in his expression was worth whatever I'd have to do to keep this job. "No. Thank you, _libeling_. I... I really appreciate it. Just... Promise you won't tell dad how much I'm working, okay? I'm afraid he'll start trying to pick up extra work, and... Mom needs him home."

I nodded. "I promise. Ben... you know we're in this together, right?"

He sighed, but his smile seemed to come easier. "I know. I couldn't do it without you."

I returned his smile, giving him a soft peck on the cheek before pulling away. "I'll always be here. Now eat before your breakfast goes cold. Things will get better. I promise."

***

 

 

 

Once I started working with May as a webcam boy my only regret was not having done it sooner. It could be difficult at times, of course, especially on days when I was tired and overwhelmed with school work and just wanted to bury myself in a book and hide from the world. On those days I talked to my visitors far less, not caring about the tips. It was easy to clip the webcam to one of the many flexible snake arm stands set up around my workspace and forget about it.

I became comfortable, in my little work suite. The building had been a small mixed commercial/residential built during the housing boom, little micro lofts conveniently close to the train line above storefronts that now sat empty more often than full. By the time my three months of probation were up I was regular enough that I didn't even have to share my unit with any of the weekend staff. 

May and I became closer than ever with this secret between us. From talking to her and watching other cam operators I learned how best to pull attention and solicit tips, monitoring the cam feeds of the other boys who fit my look on a secondary laptop and taking advantage of their idle time to engage my audience and pull in more customers. I became comfortable with cooking, showering, working out, even masturbating on camera.

Especially masturbating.

The logical part of me worried about whether or not my decision was wise. Would pursing this kink effect my future sexual satisfaction with a partner? Even though I hadn't been much of a social butterfly before I'd started working I'd had my share of romantic encounters in the past. Now dating would surely be impossible. Still, I'd never felt more sensual or sexual, despite my lack of partner. Or my plethora of partners, depending on how you looked at it.

For a year and a half I saved half my paychecks, as I promised Ben, and transferred him the other half weekly. With my tips I bought things we'd done without for far too long, hoping my brother wouldn't notice or question the expense - new work clothes and steel toes for him, better groceries for us and mom and dad. Red meat that wasn't hamburger. I replenished Ben's spices in bulk. I bought new clothes for myself, I took both dad's car and Ben's beat up Honda in for servicing.

But my most important reward starting to see some of the tension leave Ben's shoulders. I wasn't able to tell if he was still picking up day shifts - working meant I didn't get home until long after he'd left - but he stopped picking up extra night shifts on the weekends, leaving us two precious days to spend time together and visit Mom. And when Ben arrived home in the mornings I made sure to always be up, cooking dinner for him and leftovers for me to take for school for lunch, stealing time to spend with him before I had to leave for classes.

Then, one Friday night as I was halfway through my shift, a private message came through from one of my semi-regular customers on the website's messaging system. I found myself smiling as I saw the username. Nightwing69 - John, I remembered - was the type of customer I wished I could clone. He wasn't perhaps as rich with his tips as some of the more aggressive viewers could be, but he was consistent and respectful, and the handful of occasions he'd asked me to private chat over the past few months had been delightfully steamy. I couldn't help but hope that this message was to set up another one.

Then I clicked into it, and my blood ran cold.

_'Daniel oh my god I think I outed you to your brother I'm so fucking sorry I thought he was you I didn't know you were a twin and I was filming with him and I mentioned how much I enjoyed our time together on the site and I know how dumb it was of me but I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks and I thought you'd just cut your hair and bulked up a bit more even though he has abs like a goddamn washboard and shoulders like a greek god and I tried to lie but I'm kind of shit at that and I don't think he believed me - I'm so, SO fucking sorry.'_

My phone buzzed with a text as I was reading, and Ben's picture flashed on the screen. My hand trembled as I picked it up.

_'When are you home? We need to talk.'_

Shit. Shit shit shit shit....

John's message had been sent over the offline messaging system from the site's mobile ap. _'Text me,'_ I told him, and sent him my number before I could second guess the decision. Then I forced out a long breath, and turned my attention back to my cam and the open chat. It was nearly nine o'clock, and site traffic was beginning to wind down anyway. I wouldn't lose too much for leaving now.

"Hey guys, I'm so sorry but I just found out my darling brother put dishwashing liquid in the dishwasher, and his kitchen's just filled with soap suds. I have to go help him clean it up. So just imagine me all wet and covered in suds for the rest of the night, okay? I'll be back here on Monday to tell you all about it." I hoped that wouldn't be a lie.

 _'I'm wrapping things up early. I'll be home soon,_ I texted back to Ben, then threw my clothes on and ran to the train.

The run helped calm my panic a little, and I started to replay John's message in my mind, trying to figure out how on earth I was going to talk my way through this. But the more I thought about it, the less it made sense.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. _'Daniel? This is John.'_

I pounced on the text. _'What do you mean, you were filming with my brother? Filming what?'_ I had to wait what seemed like forever for a reply, and I tried to clamp down on my rising panic. 

_'I don't think it's a good idea for me to tell you that,'_

_'You have to. You outed me, John. I have to fix this, I can't go into it blind. Why did you think my brother was a cam boy?'_

A few minutes later a link to an image appeared on my screen, and I stared at it as it loaded. There was Ben - buff, bronzed, and _very_ naked, standing in a provocative and unmistakably homosexual pose with handsome, smiling red-haired man.

_**Desperate Horny College Boys 11** _

Another text buzzed through. _'Please don't be angry with him, Daniel. I don't know what your situation is, but sometimes we have to make hard decisions. I've been there. If you need to talk or anything.... and again, I'm really sorry.'_

 _'Thanks,'_ I sent back simply, and got off the train to walk the last few blocks home. But even with this extra knowledge I couldn't be sure how Ben would react. Would he be angry? Cold? Disappointed? I didn't know how I'd respond, but I couldn't help but tense as my body reacted to the stress, ready for the inevitable fight.

Ben met me at the door as I pushed it open, white-lipped. He said nothing, watching me with arms folded across his chest as I locked the door behind me and toed off my shoes.

"I saw the cam site. You lied about the job," he said finally, his voice breaking on the last word. "Daniel...."

Looking up into his eyes I saw only despair, not anger, and I felt the fight melt out of me. Not knowing what else to do, I stepped into him, wrapping my arms up around his neck and pulling him close.

Ben gave a single hard, broken sob that wracked his form, arms wrapping around me painfully tight, breath trembling. "Fuck, Daniel...."

I had to swallow hard against the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this. I'm so sorry, _mein herz_ , but I knew you wouldn't approve - "

"Then why would you do it? God, Daniel, how could you do something so stupid - "

His words cut straight to my heart, and I yanked away from him in a flare of anger. "Me? You're the one making gay porn!"

Shock came over my twin's expression, followed by complete and utter devastation, and that hurt me more than his words ever could. I reached to touch his arm, but he yanked it out of my grasp, turning and darting towards the bedroom.

I started after him instantly. "Oh god, Ben, I didn't mean it like that! Ben, please - " I caught the door, struggling to push it open as he tried to shut it, and before I realized it all the hurt and uncertainty had flowed over into tears. "I'm sorry, please don't shut me out! Ben, please! Please...."

I felt the resistance on the other side of the door lessen, heard a long, shuddering sigh. "God, Daniel.... please don't cry...."

"Then let me in. Let's talk about this. Please. Please, I need you."

In moments he'd pulled me into the room and back into his arms, trembling as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. "I didn't want you to know," he breathed, fingers digging into my back. "I never wanted you to know. God, Daniel, I'm so ashamed...."

"Then stop." I pressed my lips to his hair. "Ben, I have money, and I like what I do. I swear I'm not lying about that. I have complete control, I never have to do anything I don't want to. It's safe and it's fair and I'm good at it."

"I can't," he whispered. "I just don't know if I can live with having disappointed you."

"Shh. Shhh, _mein herz_ , it's okay." I pulled back to press a kiss to his forehead, his eyelids, the tracks of his tears. "Listen to me. You haven't, you could never, _ever_ disappoint me. I promise."

"You're not just saying that?"

"Of course not. Ben, whatever you've done I know it's only been to take care of me, and I love you for it. Can you trust me when I say that?"

When Ben didn't reply I pulled back. "Ben, look at me. Look at me. You don't have to do this anymore, all right? I'm making more than enough to keep us afloat with your regular job, and to help mom and dad. Let me take care of you for once, okay? Please?"

Ben swallowed hard, then gave his head a little shake, blue eyes tear-bright as they met mine. "I can't."

"Ben - "

"Look, I would if I could. But I just signed a two year contract." He gave a short, hard laugh. "It offered the best pay."

"Then I'll save until I can buy it out or pay whatever penalty - "

"No." Ben shook his head, reaching up to brush a tear from my cheek with the backs of his fingers. "No... It's fine. I committed, I'll keep that commitment."

"I can't just sit back and watch some porn studio take advantage of you!"

My twin surprised me with a soft laugh. "It's not like that, Daniel. I didn't just jump into this blindly, believe it or not. The studio's really high calibre and enforces impeccable safety with everyone who... performs. And Alan's been really good to me...."

"Alan?"

"My talent agent."

I shook my head, trying to understand what I was hearing. "You have an agent?"

"What, you think you're the only one who can get men to pay to see his hot naked body?" Ben's smirk was suddenly playful, and I found myself smiling.

"The promo shot John sent me was pretty hot," I admitted.

"Yeah? Which one?"

I handed him my phone, feeling a flush start at the back of my neck. Strangely, Ben's smile softened as he glanced down at the phone. "Mm. That did turn out nice."

I sank down to sit on the edge of my single bed, glancing down at my phone as Ben handed it back to me and feeling my cheeks burn. It was certainly far more glamorous and provocative than anything if ever done on cam. "You never even told me you were bi."

Ben sighed, perching next to me and wrapping an arm around me. "They call it gay for pay. But I'm not.... I just never really thought about it before, I guess? I actually like it better than when I was doing films with women. It seems less... I don't know. Less misogynistic."

I cuddled into him, laughing softly. "Well, by definition...."

"Hey - you know what I mean." Ben pressed a kiss to my hair, his voice soft. "Daniel.... I'm okay with doing this. I really am. I just... didn't want you to think badly of me."

"I don't," I breathed, realizing the truth of my words. "As long as you're not unhappy, love. You promise they won't take advantage of you? That you won't let them talk you into doing anything you don't want to?"

He nodded. "If I ever feel that way I promise you'll be the first to know, _liebling_."

"Okay. I trust you." I snuggled into his shoulder, feeling his fingers smooth through my hair, feeling my nerves calm. "What's it like?"

Ben let out a long breath. "I don't know, it's... I'm not really sure what to tell you."

I chewed on my bottom lip. "Well, I know you've had sex before...."

"It's not really like that. I mean, I guess I found it a little exciting when I was just doing solo videos at the beginning. I never really liked working with women, though. You're always putting on a show but a lot of the time it felt really brutal, it just..." he frowned, shaking his head "It wasn't the way I ever wanted to be with someone, I guess. Even for fake."

I twisted my head to look up at him. "You sure you're okay to keep doing this?"

"Yeah. Guys are different. The gay boys are so much more playful and confident. I don't feel like I'm taking advantage of anyone anymore." He glanced down, a rueful smile tugging at his mouth. "It's kinda fun, actually."

There was an ease to his words and expression that I hadn't expected, a quiet confidence that helped to quell my fears. "Ben... do you think I could come see you work sometime? Just to make sure?"

He snorted immediately. "Can I come see _you_ work sometime?"

"Anytime you want, actually." I laughed at his sudden dismay. "For real, long as you're silent and keep off the cam I'm allowed to have the occasional tag-along. Just say when."

"I... didn't expect you to say that."

"Surprise." I leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. "So?"

Ben raised his eyebrows. "You seriously want to come watch me have sex."

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable jerking off in front of my twin, even for work. I had to afford him the same courtesy. "Maybe just like... a photoshoot or something? You do those, right? Like that promo shot?"

His expression softened. "Yeah. Yeah, I could probably swing that."

"Then it's settled." I wrapped my arms back around him, squeezing tight. "Let's have a bite and watch a movie and not talk about work anymore, okay?"

 

"Thank god."

It wasn't until hours later, with Ben half dozing on my shoulder through the movie credits, that I dared to ask the last question that I really, really wanted to know. "Ben?"

"Mm?"

"That guy you were with today... was he good looking?"

"Mm." He drew a long breath that ended up being a yawn. "Um. Yeah... was okay, I guess. Pretty cheekbones. Green eyes, dark hair. Talks too much. Look him up if you want, he films as 'Dick Grayson'."

Nightwing. Of course. I tried to imagine it. "...did you like him?"

"Uh... yeah, well enough." Then he sat up, suddenly much more alert. "Why?"

I tried to fight down a flush. "I don't know. I guess I just get curious about who's on the other side of the camera sometimes."

"Mm. Well this one's a porn star, so it's not worth getting too hung up on him. I'm gonna crash, you coming?"

"Sure," I replied, but couldn't help but worry over his words. _He's a porn star, and not worth it._

_But so are you, Ben._

***

 

 

The hardest part about showering, I reflected, was trying to read the laptop screen with water on my glasses. Still, it had been a good time - laughing and teasing the men online while I stroked suds over every inch of my body and played in the water. From the look of my virtual tip jar, they'd liked it just as much. But a shower was always a sure way to bring in a bit of extra cash.

Through the open bathroom door, I could see Ben lounging in the arm chair. My school laptop was open on my brother's lap, logged into my open chat window. Ben's attention was on me, though, calm and contemplative, and as I met his gaze he gave me a soft smile.

"I gotta log off boys, thanks so much for playing tonight. Don't worry, I'll be back Monday, I promise." Then a thought occurred to me: having Ben here gave me the unique opportunity for a little bit of an experiment.

Hopefully Ben wouldn't be too angry.

I took a screenshot of my tips, glancing back out at Ben and catching my bottom lip in my teeth and worrying it playfully. "Hey... would you guys like me to tell you a secret? Something I've never told anyone online here? Let me think about it, maybe it's not a good idea...."

I took a moment to towel off, stretching and turning and wiggling my bum to the camera. "Okay, okay, I'll share. But you guys have to promise to keep this between us though, okay?"

The chat had exploded with comments.

_'You bet your cute little booty.'_

_'u still feeling dirty after that shower?'_

_'dat ass is IMPECCABLE .'_

_'Tell Daddy everything, pretty boy.'_

Didn't hurt that the tip jar had grown by forty dollars.

I laughed, letting it come out playful and breathless. "Well, okay, but just because we've had such a good time." I glanced back out to the main room to my brother's questioning look, giving him a wink before leaning in close to the cam.

"The thing that you guys don't know about me is... I'm a twin. An identical twin." I laughed again, and the giddiness wasn't at all faked. "It's true, it's true! He's been hiding here with me all night. He's been watching me shower. Do you guys like the sound of that?"

I could hear Ben make a choked sound from the other room, but I pushed on.

"Oh, some of you are super hot at the thought of my twin watching me get all frisky with you guys in the shower. You perverts! Okay fine, I'll admit it, it's kind of sexy. Oh, don't call me a liar, of course I have a twin! That hurts! No, I'm really really hurt you don't trust me. Yes, you should feel terrible for hurting my feelings."

I glanced back to Ben, whose brows were furrowed in confusion. He shot me a questioning look.

I ignored it.

"Okay fine look. I'll prove it." Then I quickly swiveled the webcam towards the open door, holding it still for just a moment to capture the image of my twin in handsome bewilderment.

"Daniel!"

I laughed at turned it back. "There, see? I told you I wasn't lying. Mm, he is handsome, isn't he? Yes, we are identical everywhere. Even - " I felt my cheeks flush talking about it. "Stop that, he's my brother! I'm not asking him if he has a boner! No, he's not getting naked, either. He's not a cam boy. But you can get naked if you want. I know some of you are having dirty, dirty fantasies right now. Think about it all you like, you can think about us all night. But I really have to go now, all right? I'll be back on Monday, I promise. Thank you for spending time with me. This was really fun."

Once I was certain the cam was disconnected I let out a long sigh, closing my eyes for a moment and finally allowing myself to relax.

"Daniel, what the hell was that?"

"That?" I opened my eyes and smiled back at Ben evenly. "That was three hundred and fifty - sorry, three hundred and seventy eight dollars."

His mouth opened, then closed again. "What?"

I made my way back into the main room to where I'd left my clothes, starting to pull them back on. "Tips. I was only at a hundred thirty before I dropped the twin-bomb."

Ben appeared to be completely astounded. "Do you normally...."

"Oh god, no. I haven't made over three hundred in tips since...." I stopped - Ben didn't need to know about the first time I'd used the really big sex toy. But even then working the audience to drum up those kind of tips had taken a lot of planning. "Well, let's just say it took a lot of work to get the kids that worked up." I pulled my shirt on over my head, reaching out to stroke my fingers through his hair "Don't suppose you want to come moonlight here and get naked with me sometime? Could be good for your video sales."

He chuckled, shaking his head as he shut down my laptop and put it away. "Pretty sure my contract restricts doing any other work that requires being naked. But thanks for the offer."

I squeezed my ass into the spot on the chair between his leg and the side, draping my legs over his lap and an arm around his shoulders. "So? What did you think?"

"Once I got over the perversity of watching you running around being naked and sexy?" Ben leaned away from me, regarding me silently for a moment, giving a slow nod. "You're good at what you do. Don't know how you put out so much energy every night...."

I shrugged. "Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just lay in bed and do my reading and let them stare at my ass for a while. But it's fun."

He smiled then, leaning in to kiss my forehead. "I can tell."


	5. Meeting John

**Larry Bryne**

"Darling! Guess whose gorgeous huge cock I get to ride next Friday?" John practically purred when I came home. He was dressed to go to the bar - we often got hired out for gogo dancing gigs - and I assumed he was either dancing or bar tending that night at the gay nightclub he'd gotten in with for weekend work.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Ron Jeremy?"

"Ew, no! Gross! No. Your little blonde protege."

"Ben?" I felt my stomach flip unexpectedly, and tried to push it away.

"Bingo. You said he's hot, right? Does he know how to fuck?"

"He's hella fine. And he fucks like a pro." I assured, forcing myself to smile and mentally berating myself for the way my stomach was churning. It was true that Ben and I had been texting quite a bit, and we'd spoken on the phone a few times, but it was all about work. It didn't mean he was any more special to me than anyone else. "You be nice to him, you hear? He's still getting his gay legs."

"I'll be so nice to him," John purred, and thankfully didn't say anything more about it.

Surprisingly he didn't say anything about the shoot either, which wasn't like him, though I appreciated it. And it may have just been that our schedules for a few days didn't line up enough for us to spend much time together. By the time I saw him for more than an hour, he'd done another shoot already and only rambled about that one.

I was more unsettled by the fact that I was worried about Ben at all. Still, I convinced myself, a hookup ought to nicely take my mind off of whatever this was. I thought through my list of regulars, discarding all the ones who preferred to top and a few more for being a little too much like Ben. Then I sent out a few tentative inquiries. 

A few irritating hours of texting and missed connections later, I messaged my agent. _'Hey, handsome. How's the casting couch? Lonely?'_

 _'Always lonely for you, darling,'_ came the reply after a few minutes, and I gave a sigh of relief. _'Meet back at the office in 30?'_

It was the latest time of the evening I'd ever initiated a hookup with Alan, and it surprised me that he didn't just have me over. Then again, I wasn't even sure where he lived now. Work was close. And in any case, I wasn't particularly comfortable with having him in my apartment either. Not just because of John - that was part of it, though I'm sure John had probably fucked him at some point too - but more because having him over made the whole arrangement seem more formal, less like the deliciously dirty little secret I liked it to be.

And the thought of fucking him over his desk certainly never lost it's appeal.

"Nice to see you after office hours, Red," Alan purred as he met me in the parking lot, pulling me into a yearning kiss. "Come into my office and let me take care of you."

It was good, to lose myself to the familiarity of his body, and to concentrate solely on someone who fully appreciated my skills. Alan's fondness for viagra even off the set was another plus, and after what seemed like hours of fucking and multiple orgasms we both collapsed back onto his office's black leather couch, curling together with a lazy familiarity and ease.

I let out a long sigh and closed my eyes, tightening my arm around his waist and pulling him closer. "Mmm. Just what I needed. Thank you. Sorry if I pulled you away from anything."

"Oh you know me, Red. Always up for a good time with you." Alan shifted in my arms so he could look down at me, pushing his fingers up into my hair and smoothing it away from my face. "Are you alright otherwise?"

"I'm fine," I replied automatically. "Why?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Just making sure. You work so hard for me. I would feel terribly if you weren't well taken care of."

I gave a soft laugh, glancing away. "You've already done more for me than I could ever repay."

"It would have been a disservice to the world to leave you where you were."

I snorted, mouth twisting, suddenly feeling unsettled and bitter. I didn't like to think about who I was before Alan made me into Red. "What, some coked out little underage twink doing skin flicks for drugs and picking up strange men on street corners for a place to sleep? There's a hundred of those in the world."

"Larry...."

"You know I'd probably be dead now if it wasn't for you, don't you? I nearly was." 

When I'd first met John, I'd recognized the desperation of what he was doing because I'd seen myself in him. The story I'd told him had been far more personal than I'd ever admit to anyone but Alan. Enough time had passed that I only remembered flashes of that night, but it still hurt. Flashes of the man who'd picked me up: turning on me, drugging me. Beating me bloody and raping me. The pain had cleared my mind enough for me to find my bag and crawl out his fire escape when his back was turned. I'd found Alan's ID in the wallet I'd stolen after going to bed with him two days prior, and somehow through the haze of pain and tranquilizers I'd found my way to his nearby town house to pass out on his front step.

Why Alan had taken me in instead of turning me in like he should have was something I'd never been able to understand.

Alan pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. "Don't think about it. It was long ago. And all I've ever wanted was to see you well and happy, Larry."

I let out a long sigh and forced a smile. "And the occasional office tryst?"

Alan returned my smile. "It's nice, but not necessary. Now stop thinking about the past. Let me show you something to cheer you up."

He spent a few moments hunting around the office for his pants, then settled back down into my arms, phone in hand. "One of our larger shareholders just acquired a large private beachfront property in Santa Barbara. Looks lovely, doesn't it?"

The small beach in the photos he flicked through did indeed look beautiful, and far more private than any beach in LA could ever hope to be. "Gorgeous. On Billionaire's Row?"

"Of course. He's sent over some scripts and set aside a long weekend for us to film up there in early October. We're going to do a whole feature length, we'll call it "Boywatch". I want you in both the lifeguard orgy, and a duo. You can read over them all and tell me which you want. Top, bottom, pick your co-star. Whatever you little heart desires."

My mind went to Ben, unbidden, to thoughts of talking and laughing with him in the heat and sunshine between takes. But it was purely because the boy deserved a vacation. I could tell myself that. "That's generous of you. Is this a casting couch bonus?"

Alan laughed and shook his head. "Larry, I've slept with half the men I hire. I've never given you special treatment because we've had sex. Actually, it's more the opposite."

"What, the sex _is_ my special treatment?" I shifted to pull him closer, catching his mouth and stroking my hands down to cup his ass. "Well then, you can treat me special all you like, handsome."

Alan gave a soft, appreciative hum into my mouth, indulging for a moment before pulling back. "Can't right now, darling. Have to go pick up the mister at the airport, he's coming in on the red eye."

For a moment I could only stare at him. "Wait. You're.... Since when? And doesn't he have issues with you fucking porn stars?"

He started to gather his clothes and pull them back on, tossing mine onto the end of the couch as he picked them up. "Yes I am, since last year, and not as long as he's allowed similar concessions. It's a partnership, not a monogamy."

I tried to imagine it, but it just seemed so foreign to me. Part of my recovery had been learning to take care of myself, and I'd built myself such a secure feeling level of independence that I couldn't help but worry that finding a partner would mean sacrificing some of that. The guys I worked with who were in relationships always seemed far more troubled by them than uplifted. It just didn't seem worth the effort. 

But Alan seemed happy. Perhaps even happier, calmer, when I thought back over the past year. I smiled. "I'm happy for you, then. Really."

"Thank you." Alan finished buttoning his shirt and reached out to stroke his fingers through my hair. "Larry... have you thought much about the future?"

I tried to laugh off the heavy question. "What, you mean I can't just have sex on camera for the rest of my life?"

"Oh, you can do this for a decade or two if you want," he replied with a smirk. "You don't have to worry about growing out of 'twink' like I did. Keep that hot, broad-shouldered body lean and buff and you'll be a Wolf long enough for me to get you into DILF porn. Or I could help you learn the business like I did, if you decide you want out of the limelight. But that's not what I meant."

His words reassured me, and I smiled, reaching for my clothes and starting to pull them on. "You talking about 401ks, then? Don't worry, my investments are fine."

"I'm talking about love."

I gave a soft snort. "Not worth it. I have great friendships around me and I love myself. Not gonna waste time dragging myself through the dating scene, Alan."

"I'm not saying that, just...." he stopped, and sighed. "Do you know what I thought about you, the night we first met?"

I shimmied into my jeans and did them up, trying to make light. "Obviously not that I was going to steal your wallet."

"Stop that. I was actually pretty sure that you'd be trouble. But I also saw the way your smile could light up a room, Larry. I'd like to see that more." He reached up to cup my cheek, stroking his thumb over my cheekbone. "I used to think I'd never find what I have. But it's not as crazy as I thought. Just... don't close yourself off to the possibility. Alright?"

I smiled. "Sure. Because you've asked me to."

Then I went home and tried to forget about everything he'd said. Sure, maybe I'd think about letting myself fall in love sometime in the future. But I needed to put that out of my mind now. There was no way I was going to risk going there with Ben.

That didn't stop me from calling him first thing the next morning.

I knew when he got off work at his second job, and set my alarm accordingly. In my grogginess of half waking he sounded far too alert. "Larry?"

" 'Morning." I tried to blearily remember what I was supposed to be asking him, wandering into the kitchen in my boxers and pouring myself a cup of coffee from the pot that John had just made.

His voice softened. "Sounds like you've just woken up. Everything okay?"

"Mm. Yeah. Just wanted to catch you. Work thing." I rubbed my fist across my eyes and yawned. "How do you feel about working vacations?"

"Um... like a convention?"

I chuckled. "No. Beach shoot in October, up in Santa Barbara. Sun and waves and nice little travel and accommodation bonus. Friday-Saturday thing. Think you can handle filming back-to-backs?"

"Like on the same day?" Ben sounded slightly alarmed.

"Oh god, no. Two days. Lots of rest between. Pitch me some gas money and we can ride up together, if you want. Split a hotel room, too. Or not. Whatever you want."

"Um, okay. Sure, I'd like that. But why isn't Alan telling me this?"

"Ah, he said I could pick some of my co-stars. I figured you could use a vacation."

"Oh. Well, sure. I'd like that a lot, actually. Thanks for thinking of me, Larry."

I tried to ignore the flutter in my stomach that awoke at the warmth in his voice. "Hey, no problem. Told you I have your back. Talk to you later."

When I clicked off my phone I turned to find John sitting on the couch pouting at me, green eyes comically wide. "What?"

"You're not taking _me_ to the beach? I've been a perfect roomie for almost three years and this is how you repay me?"

I laughed, plopping down next to him and looping an arm around his shoulders. "Oh, don't be like that. You know you're always at the top of Alan's lists, green eyes. I'm sure you'll be the star of 'Boywatch'."

"Oh my god, we're calling it 'Boywatch'?" John dissolved into peals of laughter. "I love it!"

I chuckled, taking a long sip of my coffee as he settled down, leaning into me.

"So, you and blondie going on a date, then?"

I choked on my coffee and spat it back into my mug, coughing. "What? No!"

"Oh come on, Lar. I know you, you're totally sweet on him. You're totally gonna kai-kai it up."

"I'm fucking not going to - kai-kai?"

"Yeah, you know. Canoodle. Do the horizontal polka. Or vertical, diagonal - "

"It's not kai-kai unless you're both drag queens," I said, feeling a little irritated. "And I'm not fucking him. Not off set, anyway."

"You sure....?" John leaned in to nuzzle my hair, voice dropping to a sultry murmur. "Just think about how nice it would be to have that gorgeous thick cock all to yourself behind closed doors - "

"God. Stop." I shoved him away and stood, draining my coffee and crossing the room to set the mug in the sink.

"Fine. God, Larry. I was just joking."

"I know." I forced a smile. "Sorry. I'm just tired and grumpy. Got up too early. Might just go back to bed."

"Mmm." John glanced up at me after a moment, a little smile playing about his lips. "Want me to put you back to sleep?"

Suddenly I'd never heard a better idea in my life. I gave him my best come-hither smile. "Mmm. Get over here, sexy."

***

**Daniel Schreber**

I wasn't sure what I expected from Ben's work. It certainly wasn't the quiet little two story office building he took me too, devoid of signs and advertisements. Ben keyed in a code to open the door to a reception area that was small and devoid of people or trappings, and then took me through the doors behind the desk and past a few offices to a small kitchen.

"Wait here for a minute while I check in with my agent," Ben said, then disappeared off down the hallway, leaving me feeling awkward standing in the middle of the room.

I looked around, fidgeting with the edge of the pockets of my slacks, trying to see if there was a magazine table or a noticeboard or something I could focus my attention on so I looked less awkward. I could hear people talking from the opposite hallway, and I approached quietly, peeking in through a large open doorway.

The open wing of the building had a brightly lit set at the far end, with people milling around cameras and adjusting the lighting. The end nearest me was a casual waiting area with a leather sofa and chairs around a coffee table, and a makeup vanity with a big marqueed mirror.

There was a man standing in front of the mirror wearing nothing but a vine wreath in his dark curly hair. A blonde woman was carefully airbrushing gold paint over his beautifully sculpted, perfectly proportioned body. I couldn't help but stare in amazement, drinking in the beauty of his form - his broad shoulders, narrow hips and pert ass, his nicely shaped cock, thick and long even while soft, that hung between his well-muscled thighs.

If this was the kind of man my brother was working with then maybe it wasn't such a bad situation after all.

The greek god turned slightly at the artist's direction, glancing towards the door, and his gaze focused on me immediately. I froze in panic, but instead of anger his startlingly vivid green eyes widened, his lips turning up into an incredulous smile.

"Hey!" The artist complained as he started towards me, but the man ignored her, stopping in the doorway in front of me.

"I - I'm sorry - " I stammered, but he was already speaking.

"Oh my god, it's you! Really you this time! You're here! Oh god, I'm so happy to finally meet you - "

His voice was unmistakable. But to think it belonged to someone like this - 

"Daniel?" I heard my brother's voice behind me, then his sigh. "Well. I see you've found... this is John."

John. _John_. I tried to think of something to say as I stared up at him, all eloquence gone from my mind. "You- you're really pretty," I found myself stammering, and instantly felt my face heat as I realized what I'd said.

John gave a soft, incredulous laugh. "Me? _You're_ pretty. You're so much cuter than your brother, I don't know how I could have ever - "

"Hey!" Ben complained behind me, but John paid him no heed, looking almost adoring as he reached up to brush his fingertips along my jaw.

The makeup artist wasn't patient either. "Look, give me ten more minutes and you can flirt all you goddamn want. But get your ass back here so I can move onto someone else, okay?"

John gave a sheepish smile and a wave as he was towed back to the makeup table. I forced myself to look back at Ben, who simply sighed, shaking his head as he reached forward to rub what I assume was a spot of gold paint off my jaw.

"You can stay as long as you stay out of the way," he told me. "But I want you to leave if you feel uncomfortable, okay? Here's the keys, just take the car and I'll call you when I'm done."

"I'll be okay," I replied, and smiled despite still feeling flustered from my meeting.

"Okay. I have to get changed. Are you okay to stay here?" At my nod, he stuck his head into the room, calling out. "This is my brother. Alan cleared him." Then he left down the hall.

Trying not stare at John, I crossed the room to perch on the edge of the leather couch, hoping it wasn't part of a porn set. A few moments later John made his way over to me - fully gold and fully naked - and I felt my heart begin to race. I forced myself to keep my gaze on his face.

Thankfully he dropped into a crouch in front of me, smiling up at me. "Sorry about that. I - uh. Photos. Um, how are you?"

"I'm well," I replied automatically, trying to force away the flustered, breathless shyness I felt. I just had to read him, to answer him like I would if we were talking over chat. But John was here, physically in front of me. And he was incredibly good looking, and very, very naked. "And you? I haven't seen you online for two weeks, not since...."

He glanced away with a surprisingly self conscious smile. "Yeah... sorry. I didn't know if you'd want to talk to me after what I did. Kind of a shit thing to do, outing another performer. Even to someone who's also in the industry." Green eyes looked up at me, anxious. "I'm so sorry, Daniel. Do you think I can ever make it up to you?"

 _Oh god you're so pretty,_ my brain wanted to say, but I forced myself back to his words, giving him a little smile. "I don't know... how do you plan to make it up to me?"

For a second he looked surprised. Then a slow smile began to spread across his face, and his smooth, beautiful clear voice lowered. "Maybe I could start by buying you dinner? Tonight?"

Just the thought of it sent a thrill through me. I smiled, my heart pounding in my ears. "Tomorrow? Ben goes to bed around two for his night job. Come get me at three. We can go for coffee and then go from there?"

John was practically beaming at the suggestion. "I'd love to, that sounds so amazing, I - "

"Murdoch - get your ass over here!"

"Coming!" He gave me an apologetic smile, standing and leaning in to brush my cheek with a kiss. Then he turned and headed for the set, offering me a very nice view of his pert, perfectlly rounded ass.

Watching the shoot was a hell of an experience. John was joined by another tall dark haired man, then my brother and the red haired man that I recognized from the promo shot John had sent me. The redhead was just as much of a surprise as John had been, wearing his gold airbrushed nudity with an easy confidence and an infectious smile. 

I didn't miss the way that Ben relaxed when he appeared on set, focusing on him, laughing and responding to him like a familiar friend. I knew my twin so well that I could easily see the affinity he'd developed for this man. I ought to have worried. But there was something about the red haired man that was so completely reassuring that I only felt thankful at the realization that Ben had somehow found a friend here.

The four of them were indeed all done up like greek gods, all given various props and symbols to hold. I thought Ben was likely Apollo, with his sun crown and lyre, and John had the winged sandals of Hermes. They spent almost two hours being arranged in various combinations of orgy poses for still shots, with the makeup artist standing by to touch up gold paint and another production aid with a penis pump to keep everyone ready without greatly disturbing said paint. Ben at least turned his back to me for that.

It was both unsettling and strangely arousing, watching them, and I was suddenly glad that Ben hadn't brought me here for a real shoot. Thankfully I had some school reading to focus on when things became too uncomfortable.

When the photographer waved John away from the shots he came over to perch beside me, throwing down a drop sheet on the couch and perching on the edge. I forced myself again to keep my gaze on his face, though the urge to stare at his erection was strong. "The pictures are going to be gorgeous."

"You think so?" John's smile was eager. "Pretty sexy, right? How is this compared to cam for you?"

"Much more... overtly sexual," I replied. "Blatant. I keep meaning to ask you, though... why pay for a site membership when you're surrounded by hot naked men all the time?"

He shrugged, looking down at his hands. "Well... when I started out it was just learning the trade. I did a bit of cam work between filming and I thought I could make it work for me. I realized I couldn't put so much out there every night. But it was still kind of nice to watch? It just feels... he hesitated, glancing up to me to search for understanding. "Private."

"Because no-one's watching how you feel," I replied softly, and was rewarded by a soft smile.

"Yeah. Everything here is fake. I mean - don't get me wrong, I legitimately like basically everyone I've ever filmed with, but... it's still such a performance. Talking to you just feels more... genuine." His smile faded a little as he glanced away. "I know it's a silly idea. It's a job for you guys just like this is for me, but - "

"Not always," I said softly. John's eyes flicked back to me, surprised. Then a slow, wondering smile spread across his lips, and the flustered shyness I'd been trying to bury inside myself bloomed into a warmth and adoration so unexpectedly strong that it took my breath away.

"Text me," he whispered as he was called back to the set, and I let myself indulge in the sway of his hips and his pert, round ass and bit my lip on a smile.

"You and John seemed chatty," Ben remarked, when he was finally dressed again and stripped of gold paint.

"Just catching up a bit. He wanted to apologize for outing us." I smiled and shrugged, hoping to distract him from this train of questioning. "Who was the redhead?"

"Oh. That's Larry." I couldn't miss the way my brother's lips turned up into a smile as he said the name. "He's... a bit of a mentor, I guess? He's been helping me - " he laughed softly, shaking his head. "helping me "get my gay legs", as he puts it. We're going up to Santa Barbara to film on the beach together for a day or two in October, I think."

The thought of my hardworking twin on a bit of a getaway made my heart soar - even if it was for work. "That sounds amazing! Just you and him?"

Yeah. Well, I mean a bunch of us are filming, but he invited me to go up with him. I'm sorry I didn't introduce you. I don't think he's left yet, though, maybe I can find him...."

I trailed after him out of the wing, but as we turned into the hallway he stopped short. A man had just turned into the hall at the other end and stopped as well, staring at us. After a moment of shock he started quickly towards us.

"Shit," I heard my brother whisper.

"Ben! _This_ is your brother?" The man looked me up and down, a slow smile growing on his face that was undoubtedly impressed. He was a few inches shorter than we were, and despite his silvering hair and the laugh lines around his eyes he seemed infectiously energetic. He gave a soft, incredulous laugh, shaking his head as he turned his attention back to Ben. "Identical twins. Darling, you've been holding out on me."

Ben tensed immediately, stepping closer to me. "Daniel's not here for work."

"Are you sure you don't want to re-think that? Twins are an incredibly hot commodity." The man looked back to me. "How do you feel about the work your brother does, dear?"

The thought of doing a film with Ben had never occurred to me, and I was a little embarrassed that I hadn't even considered the obviously lucrative possibility. With the amount of interest I'd gathered on the cam site just by _mentioning_ Ben.... I felt my heart begin to race. "You really think Ben and I could film together?"

"No way." Ben said immediately. "We're not interested. This isn't Daniel's gig."

I nodded, mind racing. Did I want to do this? Could I even talk Ben into it? Could I keep this man's interest engaged without completely repelling Ben from the idea? I looked back to him. "I'm sorry, he's right. I only do solo work."

"On cam," Ben hissed through clenched teeth. "Not in video. This is not up for debate."

"A cam boy?" The man looked even more interested, pulling a card out of his wallet and handing it to me. Alan Ventio. Ben's agent, obviously. He smiled at me. "Email me your site. I'll check it out."

"You will do no such - "

"Ben." Alan's voice was calm and gentle, but firm, and it struck me suddenly that he must be very practiced at reading and managing people. He placed a hand on Ben's shoulder. "Let me say this. Then you can walk away and be angry about it for as long as you want until you realize how much sense it makes."

"I don't want to hear it."

"But I do." I slipped an arm around my brother's waist, leaning into him. "Please? It won't hurt to listen, will it?"

Ben glared at me, then let out a long breath. "Fine."

"Thank you." Alan's smile was encouraging. "Obviously you both have experience in the industry. Your brother has boundaries I am very happy to respect, just like I've always respected yours. But the reality is that you've both done solo work on camera. If you two did it together on camera I could easily get the studio to pay you three times the regular rate. Each."

"I wouldn't consider it for less than four," I replied, relieved when my voice sounded far calmer and more confident than I felt.

Alan smiled as he glanced to me. "I could work on that."

"You'll do nothing, because this is not a negotiation," Ben shot back, stepping forward to put himself between me and his agent. "I'm not talking about this!"

"I'm sorry - " I started to say, but Alan shook his head, keeping his gaze on me.

"Of course. I'm sorry, I won't push it. But you have my number."

Ben almost yanked me from the building, visibly fuming, slamming the door shut on the car behind him as he got in.

"I'm sorry - " I started, and he exploded.

"Jesus Christ, Daniel! Why would you even fucking entertain such a thing? I didn't bring you here to become a fucking porn star! Give me his card!"

Swallowing hard, I retrieved it from my pocket, watching as Ben tore it into small, angry pieces. "Ben...." 

"I don't want to talk about it," he spat, jaw clenched. "Not another fucking word, Daniel!"

"Why are you so angry about this?" The words burst from my mouth before I could stop them. "It's the same thing I do on camera multiple times a week, and we'd be making a small fortune! Why can't I - "

"Because I don't want to see you turn into me!"

The words echoed through the car, and Ben sagged back against the seat, letting out a long breath and staring out the windshield. For a long moment I couldn't speak, overwhelmed by the despair and self-loathing I heard in his words. Then I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. "Ben, can we go for a drive?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Where?"

"The beach. To that spot in Santa Monica where we used to go."

Ben said nothing, but put the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. He kept to himself as he drove, and for once I let him. I'd let myself be reassured by everything I'd seen this afternoon - the clean, discreet studio, the attitudes of the people there, John - but I realized now that it wasn't Ben's environment that was the danger to him.

He parked the car at a little park lookout on the cliffs, and I got out silently, looking out over the sweeping view of the beach and the ocean beyond. The sun was slowly sinking towards the surf, and a cool breeze carried a hint of salt off the water. There was a certain kind of serenity here, away from the bustle of the city, that had always helped me clear my head.

I breathed in deep, then slowly rounded the car, leaning back against the hood. I turned and held a hand out towards my twin, and after a moment he joined me, perching beside me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Haven't been out here in a while," I said softly, and felt him nod.

"Not since before dad sold the house." The rest of it remained unsaid - how much we'd needed an escape from everything. Time away when we didn't have to pretend at constant optimism. When Mom didn't have to pretend to be strong for us. Ben's arm tightened around my shoulders. "Are you disappointed in me?"

I let out a shuddering breath and turned into him, wrapping my arms up around his neck and sliding my fingers into his hair, resting my forehead against his. "I love you so much," I said, voice low, trying to swallow down my helplessness. "There is nothing in the world that you could ever do that would make me disappointed in you or ashamed of you in any way, Ben. You're the most important person in the world to me."

I felt a shudder run through his body, and he moved his free hand to tangle in my hair, eyes shut tight as he pressed closer. "But the things I've done...."

"Because you had to?" I gave my head the barest shake. "Ben, you fight so hard. I've watched you fight since mom first got diagnosed. You've fought so hard to keep us safe and fed and to keep me in school and for the apartment - "

"But it's all I know how to do. It's all I can do! I have to keep you safe because if I can't even keep you safe then I'm _nothing_ \- "

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that. You're everything to me."

"Daniel - "

"No, just listen, please." I could hear my voice tremble, and I pulled a deep breath, fighting back tears. "Everything you do every day is always for us. You've sacrificed so much. And if I ever "turned into you"? It would mean being the most amazing, selfless person I could ever imagine."

He gave a soft, helpless sob. "I wish I could believe that."

"If you can't believe it for yourself then at least trust that I believe it, okay?" I blinked back tears, pressing a soft, trembling kiss to his mouth and drawing a trembling breath against his skin. "We're in this together. Let me help keep you safe too, okay? I promise I won't talk about filming with you again. Just don't pull away from me, _mien herz_. Hearing you say these terrible things about yourself, I - I can't - "

"Don't cry, _liebling_. I'm sorry. I'll try, I promise. For you."

"For _you_! Please, just - something. Anything. Just do something with nothing else in mind but your own happiness. I can't watch you keep killing yourself!"

"Shh." Ben's lips on my eyelids were soft, and the low rumble of his voice seemed more gentle. Less despairing. "I'll try. Alright?"

I nodded, drawing back to look at him, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "And the fact that I'm a cam boy is no fault or failing of yours okay?"

He sighed, mouth twisting. "If we didn't need the money...."

"What, if we were millionaires? Ben, it wasn't a choice I made out of desperation. Of course I wanted to help you, but even if I didn't? It's the most equitable thing I could be doing while going to school and it gives me experience with people and I'm _good_ at it. I can't think of a world where I wouldn't turn down that opportunity."

Ben's eyebrows knit together. "You can't mean that."

"But I do. Look, _mien herz_... the only reason you're worried about me is because _you're_ unhappy. You automatically believe that I feel the same. But I don't. And I know it's going to be hard for you to believe, but you'll get used to the idea. I promise. I've been doing this for a year and a half and I'm fine, love. So try not to worry about me, okay? Not about this. Spend a bit of that energy on yourself instead."

Ben nodded slowly, then let his forehead rest on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to be so difficult."

"No. I want you to be. Please keep talking to me when you're upset." I pressed a kiss to his hair. "When I'm done school then I'm taking care of you, and you have no choice in the matter. I'm getting you out of this."

"Daniel... thank you."

I smiled against his hair, stroking my fingers through it. "And if you need out sooner... just tell me, all right? We'll talk to your agent, we'll figure something out. Even tomorrow, if you want."

Ben shook his head. "No. Promised Lar I'd go to Santa Barbara."

"Yeah?" I bit my lip on a smile at his mention. "He seems really nice, Ben. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet him. He seems...." I hesitated, but couldn't resist the urge to try and pull the truth out of him. "... fond of you."

"Me?" Ben gave a soft laugh, sitting up turning back to the ocean, shaking his head. "Oh god, no. That's just Larry."

"Oh?" I let my arm rest loosely across his back. "That's not what I saw today."

"Yeah?" Ben was silent for a moment. Then he cleared his throat. "I guess it's 'cause he's been mentoring me a bit. He was my first gay costar."

"Or he's sweet on you."

He shook his head immediately. "Larry doesn't do relationships."

"Doesn't mean he's not sweet on you." I leaned into him a little more, stroking my fingers up and down his side. "You had this smile whenever he was around... I haven't seen you smile like that in a long time, Ben."

My brother actually looked bashful at that, glancing down as he laughed softly. "I just... he's been really nice. It's not anything."

I bit my tongue on calling bullshit, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his temple instead. "You should spend more time with that 'nice'. I'd like it very much if you did."

"We'll see," Ben replied softly, but he was still smiling, and that was what I wanted most.

***

**Daniel Schreber**

A text buzzed through from John shortly after my brother had gone to sleep on Sunday, and I grabbed my school bag and crept out of the house quietly. Down on the street it was easy to spot John, leaning up against the side of a deep purple sports car. Even dressed casually in gray plaid chino shorts and a navy v-neck he looked absolutely stunning. I was glad I'd elected for something that made me feel cute - slim fitting clamdigger jeans and a pearl gray short-sleeved cotton button down over the top.

John gave me a wide smile and a wave as he saw me approaching, stepping forward to meet me. "Hey!"

I stepped into him and wrapped my arms up around his neck, pressing a kiss to his cheek impulsively. John made a little delighted sounding hum, returning the hug tightly and nuzzling my hair. "So good to see you again," I murmured. "When you're not covered in paint."

"It's even better being not covered in paint," he replied, laughing, finally pulling back. Then he opened the passenger side door for me. "After you, beautiful."

John's smile and manner and compliments made me feel almost dizzy with joy. "Why, thank you. Can I throw my bag in your trunk first?"

John nodded and held out a hand. "Sure, I'll care of it."

He shut the passenger's door for me, and I heard the trunk pop, then close moments later. He smiled at me as he slid into the driver's seat. "Do you need me to take you somewhere after? School?"

"Hm? Oh - no. I just - it's more for camouflage. Ben will assume I've gone somewhere for school when he gets up."

"Mmm." John's smile seemed to lessen a little. "So I shouldn't tell your brother that I took you out."

"Not quite yet. Is that alright?" I turned more towards him, reaching out to take his hand in both of mine. "Ben's still adjusting to the whole cam boy thing. It's likely that his worry would carry over to how he feels about anything in my life right now. I want him to feel okay about me getting to know you better."

"Yeah?" John's voice softened, his thumb stroking my fingers. "More than just today?"

I felt my cheeks heat, and I lowered my head, looking up at him through my eyelashes. "Perhaps. You did say you intended to make it up to me for outing me, didn't you?"

I watched the tip of John's tongue touch his top lip briefly as he leaned closer to me. "I did. I think it's going to take a lot to make up for such a terrible thing, isn't it?"

I gave a soft, breathless laugh and I let my voice lower intentionally. "It's going to be incredibly long and hard. Are you sure you're up to it?"

John's laughter was just as beautiful as he was. "God, you're so fucking adorable," he breathed, then leaned in to press a warm, slow kiss to my mouth.

I couldn't help but moan, leaning into him and letting go of his hand to slide my fingers up into his curls. He'd barely left my mind since we'd met, and the reality of kissing him was so much more beautiful than I'd imagined that I never wanted to stop. Finally I forced myself to pull back. "We should probably go before we don't go anywhere."

John nodded, smile bright enough to light up the whole car, his fingers brushing my lips as he pulled back to start the car. "Thought we could go to this great little place near the pier for iced coffee and hang out in the sun for a bit? Then find something to eat in the Arts District?"

I nodded. "That sounds perfect."

"Awesome." His grin looked distinctly impish. "Can I put the top down?"

I felt a thrill as I returned his grin. "Sure."

A press of a button was all it took to change the sleek little hard-top sports car into a convertible, everything tucking away neatly behind the seats. Then we were away down the street and onto the freeway towards Santa Monica, the wind whipping at my hair and stealing my delighted laughter was we picked up speed.

The more time John and I spent together and the more we talked that afternoon the more endearing I found him. Talking to John online had always given me a good impression of him; a playful, guileless good nature that proved true in person. I was so happy to find that I hadn't been wrong about him, so happy to spend time with him, so happy that he was so amazingly gorgeous....

"Tell me I don't have to take you home yet," John murmured against my hair after we'd finally left the restaurant that evening, one arm looped possessively around my waist. We'd had a little wine with dinner, and between the alcohol and the warmth of his body against me I felt giddy, my limbs warm and longing for touch. I turned into him, sliding my arms around his shoulders and arching up for a kiss. John gave a soft, delighted noise, his arms warm and strong around my waist as he took full advantage of my offer. He licked and sucked at my lips, kissing me with an almost single minded fervor until I was half hard and whimpering, arching against him, thinking of nothing more than wanting more.

"I don't suppose we could have a drink at your place, could we?" I managed to gasp finally, and John gave a low, appreciative hum, his hands smoothing down over my ass as he released me.

"Thought you'd never ask."

As hard as it was to keep my hands off him, I managed to keep control of myself on the way to his apartment, though I did slip a hand into the back pocket of his pants as we walked through his parking garage and took the elevator upstairs. The building wasn't what you would consider upscale, but it was clean and quiet and in a much nicer neighbourhood than my own. What I didn't expect was to follow him into the apartment to find the tall redhaired man that my brother had called Larry sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room with a glass of wine, engrossed in some procedural show on TV.

He glanced to the door as we came in, doing a double take as he saw me. Then he gave me one of his wide, contagious smiles. "Hi! You're Ben's brother - Daniel, right? I'm Larry. Sorry I didn't get to introduce myself at the shoot."

"You two live together?" The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop myself, and I felt my cheeks heat. "Ah - I mean...."

"Just roommates," Larry replied, giving me a wink. "Drink? I just opened a bottle of Pinot Grigio. It's that Skinny Girl stuff but it's palatable enough. Or we have a couple different kinds of light beer. John and I are skinny queers when it comes to booze, I'm afraid."

I shook my head, letting his genuine warmth put me at ease. "No, I appreciate it. I do cam, actually, so I try to be responsible, too. The wine sounds great."

"I know," he replied with a little smile, crossing the room and taking a bottle out of the fridge.

I stared after him. I couldn't imagine my brother saying anything. "... how? Did Ben...."

"Oh god, no. But I do live with this beautiful airhead. I'm just smart enough not to have said anything to Ben about it."

"Hey!" John straight up pouted as he passed Larry a pair of stem glasses.

"Darling, you managed to out your biggest crush to his brother - "

"Identical twin, you asshole!"

"They're not _that_ identical! Even I can tell that, and you've spent way more time staring at him than I - "

"God, Larry, fuck off!" My beautiful date buried his face in his hands, his cheeks bright red, and I rounded the kitchen island to wrap my arms around him.

"And if he hadn't, we never would have met. So I'm glad of it."

John lowered his hands to peek over them at me. ".... you are?"

"Of course I am," I replied softly, catching his hands and tugging them away from his pretty face. "Aren't you?"

"Definitely," he replied softly, his gaze adoring as he brushed his fingertips along my jaw.

Larry set the bottle of wine down after pouring two generous glasses. "Well, I'm gonna finish this show in my room so that you two can hump all you want. But before I do - does your brother know you're here, Daniel?"

I glanced down. "Ah... not exactly. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't...."

"I won't mention it," he replied, his smile warm. "Goodnight, Daniel. It's good to finally meet you."

"Larry - " I said, then stopped. Larry turned back to me with a questioning look, but suddenly I wasn't quite sure of what to say. "Ben says really good things about you," I settled on, finally. "I... Thank you."

"Yeah?" his smile seemed suddenly softer. "Well... tell him I say good things about him, too. Um, once this isn't a secret, I guess."

I nodded. "I will. I think he'd like to hear that."

"Good. Um, I - I'm glad." He cleared his throat, the bashfulness in his manner unmistakable. "Well. 'Night."

I snuggled into John as I took a sip of the wine, waiting until Larry's door was closed and I could hear the muffled sound of the TV beyond before speaking again, nuzzling John's jaw. "Is he as crazy about my brother as Ben is about him?"

"Is he?" John's eyes narrowed slightly as he contemplated my words, swirling his wine around in his glass and taking a sip as well. "You know, I think he may well be. I mean, Larry's always pretty flirty and he's hands down one of the biggest sweethearts I know to just about everyone but...." he nodded slowly. "Yeah, it's definitely different for Ben. He gets all flustered and kind of jealous. I tried teasing him about it once and he got really grumpy at me. It was kind of weird. You think Ben feels the same way?"

I nodded, smiling, and brushed my lips against his. "It sounds like we might need to help things along a little."

John gave a soft hum in agreement, kissing me longer. He set his wine aside to stroke his hands into the curve of my low back, pulling me close to him. "Yeah... yeah we can do that."

"But subtly," I murmured between kisses. "And not just yet... Ben is... fragile...."

"Mmhmm...." he murmured, then pulled back to look at me. "Daniel... you really think he's into him? Not just... you know, some guys go through that experimental phase, I just - I don't want to get Larry into something that.... you know. Sorry."

I shook my head, smiling. "When my brother commits to things he does so completely. Don't worry."

"All right." John smiled, leaning in to nuzzle my lips, his hands smoothing up under the hem of my shirt, warm on my skin. "Now... where were we....?"

I drew a soft breath and indulged in another kiss, arching up against him, stroking my fingers through the curls at the back of his neck. "We were going to take the wine into your bedroom so that we can finish drinking it when our passions are quenched....."

"You have the best ideas," he breathed, and pulled me into his room.

With the wine carefully set aside on his bedside table I gave myself over completely to my desire, losing myself to the heat of John's kisses and tugging his clothes away so I could fill my hands with the warmth of his skin. Somehow being with John - kissing John, feeling his hands on my body - felt a hundred, thousand times more vivid than any of my brief encounters with boys in the past. Perhaps it was because I hadn't taken the time to pursue anyone since I'd started working at Perfect Strangers, but I didn't think so. The affinity I felt for John, the delight that I felt at the thought of him... this had to be far more than just a convenient encounter after being alone for so long.

When John had me stretched out under him in bed he pulled back to look over me, one hand splayed flat against my chest to stroke over my skin, fingers digging into my shoulder briefly before stroking down over my stomach and thigh. I watched his eyes move over me slowly as he did. "God, you're gorgeous."

I felt a flush of pleasure, arching up against his touch as his hand stroked back up over my hip. "Better in person?"

"Oh fuck, yeah." John leaned in to claim my mouth again, hips arching against my thigh, his cock trapped hard between us. Then he pulled back again, looking down on me, eyebrows knit together slightly. "Daniel... um.... Can I ask a favor?"

I smoothed a hand up his chest, then up into his hair, stroking gently as I nodded.

John glanced away for a moment, then met my gaze again "Have you ever seen any of my films?"

When I shook my head, he seemed to relax a little. "Don't, please. I... I want to keep this between us, just... completely separate from work. Is that okay? I know it's kind of selfish for me to ask considering I've seen you work, I just...." 

The shy uncertainty in his request made it feel more romantic than I would have expected. I shook my head, pulling him down into a kiss. "Not at all. I don't mind. But I may not be able to stop thinking about you when I work...."

John gave a low, appreciative hum against my mouth. "Good. I might have just the same problem...."

John's kisses seemed equal parts passionate and worshipful, leaving my lips to feast on my throat, lightly sucking and kissing my skin, grinding against me slowly. John's voice was husky. "Can I mark you?"

I couldn't remember any work rules against hickeys, and even if there had been, I wanted it too badly. "Oh god yes, please - oh - !"

He bit down at the crook of my neck as I spoke, worrying the muscle with the most delicious mix of pressure and pain. He continued to suck and nip at my neck until I was squirming under him, aching for more, my thigh wrapped tight over his hips so I could grind up against him. "Fuck, John, please more, I need...oh god..."

"Do whatever you want me to, beautiful," he murmured, kissing me deeply and pressing me onto my back again, slotting himself between my thighs to rock against me slowly. "Going to spoil you rotten, Daniel, make you feel so good...." Then he was kissing his way down my chest, nuzzling and licking at my stomach before drawing his tongue up the underside of my cock.

I drew a sharp breath through my teeth, hips arching up into the stimulation before I could stop myself, but John just gave a very appreciative sounding moan and took the head of my cock in his mouth. I could instantly tell that he was a hundred times more practiced at this than any of the guys I'd fooled around with, and I wanted to try and take note of the techniques, but it was hard to think about anything other than how good it felt. John wrapped one hand around the base of my cock as he lavished attention on the head, stroking me slowly. His green eyes closed in pleasure, but flicked open to look up at me through his eyelashes as his lips slid down my shaft, taking me until my cock hit the back of his throat then pulling back, a low moan of pleasure vibrating around me.

"Such a gorgeous cock," he murmured, taking me in his mouth again, sucking hungrily. I cried out as he swallowed around me, stroking my hands restlessly over his shoulders, fingers clenching in his hair.

My toes dug into the bed, hips giving a little helpless buck up into his mouth as he swallowed me again. "Oh god John - god please - "

"Please?" John lavished wet kisses down the underside of my shaft, mouthing at my sack. "Anything you want, darling...."

I bit my lip on a whimper. "Will you make love to me?"

John's eyes widened, then he moved back up to kiss me, voice low. "You're not just saying that because I do porn, are you? I don't want you to feel obligated to - "

"No." I wrapped my thighs around him again, rolling my hips up against him. "I want you."

"But you said you'd never...."

"I know. But I want this. And it's not like this is the first time we've been intimate, right?" I wet my lips, feeling suddenly nervous. "Unless you don't want me...?"

He gave a soft, incredulous laugh, claiming my mouth with more hunger, hips rocking back against mine. "You have no fucking idea how much. Long as you're sure."

I nodded, shivering under him as we rocked together. "But you can go back to blowing me while you finger me open."

"Mmmm...." John nipped at my bottom lip, smiling against my mouth. "As my beautiful love commands."

Moments later he was swallowing me down again, his throat hot and tight around my cock as he worked two slick fingers up inside me. I was certain I would have gone off like a firework if I wasn't so used to self pleasure by now; as it was I could hardly control myself, gasping and whimpering and pressing back against his fingers. "Oh god yes, feels so good John, I can't - god, more - !"

I felt his crooked fingers rub up against my sweet spot, massaging gently, sending a shock of pleasure up my spine. He nuzzled my cock as he worked a third finger into me, fucking me slowly. "Mmhmm... tell me how you want it, love...."

"Want to see you," I gasped, tugging at his shoulder. "Need to be able to kiss you, John, please...."

John gave a soft, helpless moan, moving back up to kiss me. "Sweetheart," he murmured, voice throaty, grabbing a pillow to push under my hips. Then he tore a condom open with his teeth, and in moments he was pressing inside me, bending over me and claiming my mouth as he eased inside me with gentle rocks of his hips.

"God!" I drew a shuddering gasp against his lips, fingers clenching in his hair, pulling him down into harder kisses. The stretch of his cock inside me as he slowly moved against me was somehow far different than my own toys had ever felt, and I pulled my thighs up higher against his sides, whimpering into his mouth.

"Feel so good," he breathed, pulling back to give a slightly harder thrust, crying out as I did. "Oh god, Daniel...."

"Deeper," I gasped, trying to squirm and angle under him. John smiled, pulling my calves up to rest on his shoulders, then pressing close again, sheathing himself to the hilt and stealing my cry of pleasure with kisses.

"Like this?" John circled his hips against me, the change in angle and pressure rubbing against my sweet spot, making me cry out. "Like that, darling? God, you're so gorgeous like this...."

I whimpered breathlessly against his mouth as we moved together, each rock of our bodies stroking another thrumming pulse of pleasure through me. "Oh god yes. Feel so good inside me, I - oh god John, fuck me - "

He drew back a little before pushing back into me, setting a long, slow rhythm that stole my breath with each thrust. He dotted my face with breathless kisses as he gradually picked up the pace, drawing the most delicious little gasps every time he buried himself in me. "Fuck you so good, sweetheart, god, wanted you so bad...." 

He moved one arm under my hips to pull me higher, the change in angle sending a hard shock of pleasure through me, pulling shuddering cry from my lips "God yes - John - !"

John's lips dropped to my shoulder as his hips gave a helpless buck into me. "Stroke yourself for me, darling. Wanna feel you come on my cock...."

I knew it wouldn't take much. I managed to slip a hand between us and curled my fingers around my shaft. I stroked myself loosely as I arched up against him as much as I could, each thrust of his hips overwhelming me with sensation. "Oh god... going to come so hard, John!"

"God yes, sweetheart - " he choked back a cry as he picked up the pace, and in moments it had drawn me to the most exquisite climax. I clutched him to me, fingers digging into his back as the shudders of pleasure cascaded through me, a few more thrusts of his hips extending my pleasure in delicious agony until I felt him pulse inside me and join my ecstasy.

For a long moment John stayed close, pressing slow, breathless kisses to my skin until I turned my face to catch his mouth with my own. He gave a low, adoring moan against my lips, his kisses slow and sweet and so completely worshipful that it overwhelmed me with even more joy than the sex had. Finally he eased away, murmuring an apology as his softening cock slipped from my body, leaving me long enough to trash the condom before pulling me close again.

I turned my face up into his kisses, giddy with joy, every nerve in my body singing contentment. "That was... I... oh my god...."

John smiled against my mouth, fingers stroking through my hair. "Don't think I've ever seen you speechless before."

"Never been fucked like that before," I replied, giving a soft, incredulous laugh.

"Or at all before," he pointed out, grinning. "Could be that good with everyone."

"Or you could have just ruined me completely for anyone else. Which is it?"

John's smile softened, and he stroked the backs of his fingers down along my jaw, stroking the side of my face with tender adoration in his eyes. "I've ruined you," he said softly, leaning in to press a kiss to my forehead. "And myself. It's never felt so good to be with someone before. I want to keep you all to myself forever."

The logical part of my mind knew I shouldn't be entertaining such thoughts so early on, but I was so happy, and it felt so good to hear him say such things. But even if 'forever' was an unrealistic dream that didn't end up being a reality, I realized, if this was how John felt in this moment than I would take him at his word and enjoy it completely.

"Forever minus work?" I said softly, and John pulled back to look down at me seriously.

"It's not the same, you know," he said, eyebrows knitting together a little. "What I do on set. I mean yeah, it's fun enough, but it's not...." he stopped, looking at me helplessly.

I found myself smiling, arching up to kiss him. "I think," I said slowly, "that if I had anything to worry about in regards to your employment then I never would have met you in the first place... yes?"

His relief was visibly obvious, and I couldn't help but think that even the way he wore his emotions so openly was beautiful. "Definitely."

"Can you promise you'll believe the same about me, then?" I stroked my fingers through his curls. "You've made me so happy today, John. I don't want this to end. I'll tell my brother as soon as I can, I promise."

John smiled and pressed a kiss to my nose. "Whenever you think is best is fine by me, love," he murmured, nuzzling my cheek. "I don't mind sneaking around with you for a bit. It's kind of sexy to have a torrid affair."

I laughed, cuddling closer to him. "Thank you."

"Any time. Though if you do manage to tell him before October then maybe you could come up to Santa Barbara with me and keep me company when I'm not filming...."

The thought of it filled me with warmth, and I nestled my face into the crook of his neck. "I'll do my best."

~~~


	6. Beach Date

**Ben Carson-Schreber**

It had probably been a bad idea to kiss my first gay costar in the dressing room before our scene together. But at the time I hadn't thought it would end up meaning anything. It was just my litmus test - could I keep doing this, could I feel better about doing porn with men than I had with women?

When I'd moved from solo films to straight up fucking on camera, kissing hadn't been that big a deal. Sometimes the scripts called for it, sometimes not. Sometimes the girls would initiate it on set anyway. But as I worked with more and more actresses, I couldn't shake the idea that the girls who didn't kiss on the mouth didn't actually want to be doing porn.

I tried to tell myself I was wrong. Certainly I met women here and there who didn't fit my theory. But overall it began to be harder and harder for me to stop thinking about it - the possibility that I was taking advantage of these women. I tried not to let it affect my performances. But either it did or my porn career was beginning to plateau - either way, opportunities began to dry up.

My agent had cautiously approached me with the idea of trying gay-for-pay just after Dad had told Daniel and I that our mother's cancer had progressed. It meant new drugs, a more expensive copay... more bills when I was certain we'd never see the end of the ones we were already paying.

"I really need a more regular paycheck," I told my agent as I sat in his office, hands laced tightly together. "Is there anything more you can get me? Maybe something with another studio? I'd be willing to try fetish...."

Alan sighed as he leaned back in his desk chair, watching me. I'd worked with him exclusively since Hilary had first introduced me to him, and even though I'd only been willing to do a film every couple of months in the beginning he'd always managed to find me work when I really needed it. "Ben, please forgive me for saying this, but I think putting you in a fetish video would be a very bad idea."

I looked down at my hands. "I can handle it."

"I'm not saying you couldn't. But you and I both know that you're not a lifer. You're running out of steam right now. Fetish will burn you out far more quickly."

I shook my head, raising my head and forcing a determination I didn't feel. "I'll do whatever I have to."

Alan's eyebrows knit together. "I have no doubt of that. But I think we can investigate some better options for you first, alright?"

I nodded, though I felt dubious. The recession hadn't been any better for the adult film industry than it had for any other industry, and one of the major studios in Los Angeles had shut down recently, leaving a surplus of performers. On top of that, the internet was making it much easier for people to access foreign films much cheaper than they could be sold here. Our studio - or rather the one that Alan contracted and managed talent for - had the advantage of a having large market share in HD, feature-length and parody, and had been one of the first to successfully move to an on-demand service online. But there was still more actors than regular work.

"That DP you did a few weeks ago with Cinnamon St. James and Bobby Hung. How was that for you?"

I thought back to it. It certainly wasn't the first time I'd done a DP, though it had been a bit of kinky scenario - a father getting his son to help him bang his new wife. "Good? Why?" 

"And your co-stars?"

I thought back. "They were a lot of fun, actually. I like that Cin's a bit older, she was really natural. Bobby too. You thinking I could do more MILF flicks?"

"Perhaps." Alan paused for a moment, watching me. "I was actually wondering how you'd feel about doing something like that again but with a male performer in the middle?"

I jerked back. "You want me to do gay porn?"

"Bobby does it. Not the kind I'd put you in, of course. But lots of straight performers go gay for pay, Ben. You have a beautiful body and a huge cock, you'd do incredibly well in gay porn. Your solo work has very strong reviews on the gay site."

I must have looked like a fish out of water. Alan leaned forward, softening his voice. "Ben, listen. There's opportunity. The studio wants another contracted performer added to their regular cast, and I'm pretty confident that I can get you in. Guaranteed pay for two flicks a week even if they don't end up calling you in. It'd be a good 25% increase per movie to what you're making now. It also means getting paid for things like regular calendars and event appearances. It's exactly the stability you're looking for."

It took a moment for me to find my voice. "I've never been with a guy before, I - I don't even know if I could fuck men."

"That's why there's viagra and pumps, sweetheart." Alan's smile was teasing, but his voice kind. "Listen, you don't have to decide about the contract right now. I'd have to get a couple flicks in your filmography before I could start negotiating that anyway. Just think about doing one film. You can do it with anyone at the studio you like, and since it's your first time I can easily get you twice what you make now as a freshman film bonus. If you don't like it then we go back to the drawing board."

I let out a long breath, running a hand over my face and pinching the bridge of my nose. I wouldn't admit it to Alan, but I'd considered this option a couple of times. My trepidation had less to do with the question of whether or not I was attracted to men... it was more that I'd never even dated one. At least I'd had girlfriends and sex with women before I'd gotten into porn. I looked up at him. "I'd be pitching."

"Undoubtedly."

"What are they like? The regulars I'd be working with."

Alan looked suddenly, surprisingly fond. "We have a really good bunch of guys. Clean, obviously, those requirements are even more strict when you move into gay porn. No drug users that I'm aware of. They're a lot of fun. Very into what they do. The kind of performer you prefer."

"Apart from the dick."

"Nobody's perfect." Alan smiled. "Think about it. I know my boys very well, Ben. I think you'd be a good fit. Let me know when you've made up your mind."

I shook my head. He was right about everything he'd said; it would be stupid for me to refuse. "No, I'll do it. Just... can you help me figure out a co-star?"

I'd picked Red because he'd looked the most... non-threatening. His headshot showed an average looking ginger man with bright blue eyes and an infectious grin that was likely what set him apart in the looks department. Or it could have been the lush, generous lips that even I had to admit looked very kissable. Alan gave him a more glowing recommendation than I'd ever heard him give for anyone. Still, the last thing I'd expected from Red was that he'd seek me out before filming started, to introduce himself of his own volition.

Larry. I still couldn't say what exactly it was about him that had endeared me to him so quickly. Maybe everything. He seemed sunny and optimistic, and had paid thoughtful, considerate attention to me throughout the shoot even when our director turned out to be a total asshole. Then he'd helped me out afterwards and offered to continue to help me transition into gay porn.... it had been a long, long time since anyone had ever been so selflessly kind to me like that.

Filming with Larry had reinforced everything that Alan had said about doing gay porn, and before I knew it I had four films under my belt and had signed a two year contract to work with them on the regular.

Still, none of the men that I filmed with made my pulse race the way Larry did, and every time I saw him I couldn't help but think about the way it felt to kiss him that day in the dressing room. I tried not to think about what that might mean.

After coming to terms with what my twin was doing for employment on the side, Daniel convinced me to cut back my hours at the warehouse. It wasn't a hard sell. Filming and working on the same day always took a lot out of me - moving to three twelve hour shifts a week instead of four tens gave me the flexibility to push my filming days to the end of the week and also have a few evenings free a week to spend time with my family.

But not long after I'd taken Daniel to the studio I began to notice a change in my twin. Daniel seemed markedly happier - sometimes dreamy, sometimes giddily so. At first I thought it was the secrets we'd shared with each other and the fact that I'd opened up to him. But I quickly became certain it was more than that.

I arrived home from work early Tuesday morning to find him already awake and dressed and brewing coffee, as he had been the day before. I pulled him into a hug. "You're up early again, _liebling_."

Daniel smiled, nuzzling his face against my shoulder. "Just wanted to spend time with you."

"You don't have to sacrifice sleep, though. I'll be home tomorrow night when you get off work." I pressed a kiss to his hair, breathing deep and enjoying his closeness. "Mm. New cologne?"

"Hm? Oh, um... just a new body wash." He pulled away, still smiling. "I'm going to make a breakfast wrap, want me to scramble you some eggs?"

"Sure." I disappeared into the bedroom to change out of my work clothes, noting that he'd even made his bed already. Then I returned, perching at the kitchen counter on a stool in a t-shirt and boxers, watching him move around the kitchen and trying to put a finger on what it was about him that was out of place. "Hey... everything going all right for you?"

"Hm?" Daniel turned from the stove, eyes wide. "Yeah, why?"

I shook my head. "Dunno. You just seem..." sparkly, I thought. "Different."

I caught a flash of a smile on his lips, soft dreamy, before he turned back to the stove. "Everything's fine, Ben. Don't worry about me. Things are great. Really great."

"You sure there's nothing going on?" I asked as he sat down beside me with his breakfast. 

Daniel hesitated, looking over me for a long moment, then glanced away. "Not... yet. Maybe. Maybe good things."

"Yeah? What kind of things?"

He shook his head, still smiling, and leaned over to press a kiss to my cheek. "I'll tell you as soon as I can. I promise."

It immediately worried me that Daniel felt the need to keep whatever this was a secret, and Daniel gave a soft, chiding noise under his breath, pressing a kiss between my eyebrows then trying to smooth them out with his fingers. "Stop. I promise it's nothing bad. I just don't want to jinx it, okay? There's truly nothing for you to worry about. Worry-wart."

I sighed, then made myself smile. "Okay, fine. I'll try not to."

Daniel gave me a tight hug before returning to his breakfast. "Don't, really. You don't need to. I know you'll always have my back, Ben. That's all I need, okay?"

Daniel could almost always boil any problem down to logic. I leaned in to press a kiss to his temple, smiling. "All right, _liebling_."

I'd been awake for an hour Wednesday evening, going over my short script for the shoot the next day when my reading was interrupted by the growl of a sports car accelerating on the street outside. Moments later I heard Daniel's key in the lock. It seemed a little early; Daniel only ever got off work right at ten if he didn't have any private clients to carry over after peak hours ended, and with transit was rarely home before eleven. Now he was early, and when he walked into the apartment he was practically vibrating with quiet excitement.

I set aside the script and moved to meet him at the door. "You're home early."

"I got a ride." Daniel was practically beaming. He set aside his school bag, then stepped into me, wrapping his arms up around my neck and molding his body to mine. "Ben, I'm so happy...."

I closed my eyes and returned his embrace, resting my face against his hair. "... that good thing you were hoping for happened, then."

A barest of nods. I heard my twin swallow, then let out a long sigh. "I'm in love," he said finally, his voice soft, almost wondering. "I'm in love, and he's so amazing, and he... he loves me too, Ben!"

I'd always envied that Daniel had been completely unquestioning of his sexuality since we were children, and I felt another soft surge of envy now at the joy and certainty in his voice. But how could I begrudge him such happiness? I drew a slow breath. "You're talking about John, right?"

Daniel froze in my arms, his voice small. "... you knew?"

I chuckled softly despite the worry it brought me to hear my fears confirmed. "I had my suspicions. I saw the way you two were that day at the shoot. And I'm pretty sure you haven't slept in your own bed since Saturday." I drew back to look down at him, cupping his face with one hand. "How long?"

Daniel bit his lip as he looked up at me. "... three weeks?"

"Since the shoot?" I smoothed my fingers through his hair. "You could have told me."

"I wanted to." The joy in my twin's expression had been all but replaced with worry. "But I knew how you felt about the idea of me dating a porn start and I didn't want to worry you without... being certain. Ben, please don't be angry."

I swallowed against a sudden lump in my throat and shook my head. "It's okay. I understand."

Worry turned into a hint of hope, a small smile on his lips. "You're okay with it?"

I searched his expression, fingers still stroking slowly through the soft blond strands of his hair. "Are you sure you're okay with it? With him fucking other men?"

He nodded, more of the worry dissipating. "We established expectations right from the start. Complete commitment outside of work. No judgement or jealousy about work - for either of us."

"But...." His words seemed too idealistic for me to be completely comfortable, so I tried to be as blunt as possible. "Daniel, you do realize I'm going to be fucking him again in Santa Barbara, don't you? John gets gang banged in the finale."

If I'd wanted to make him unhappy, the reaction I received was the opposite. Daniel's smile grew. "I know. I've seen the script."

"You've seen the script?" I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Yes." He gave a soft, shy laugh. "It's kind of sexy to think about."

"Oh." I tried a different tactic. "What about when you're no longer a cam boy?"

He shook his head. "I will respect John's employment for as long as he loves me." Daniel's smile softened at that, sweet and a little wondering. "I know that what I have with him is mine alone."

I sighed, seeing that my brother wasn't about to be dissuaded. But testing his conviction had settled some of my fears. I leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. "Just promise me one thing, all right?"

"Anything, _mein herz_."

I pulled back to hold his gaze seriously. "Make sure that - " airhead, I almost said, and choked back the word. "that boy knows - completely understands, Daniel - that if he hurts you in any way? _I will fucking end him._ "

Daniel laughed, soft and joyful, and pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. "I love you."

"I'm serious!"

"I know, I know. And that's why I love you so." Daniel let his forehead rest against mine, his smile still wide. "Thank you. I promise. Oh god, Ben, thank you for understanding."

I found myself smiling, and returned his kiss. "I just want you to be happy."

"I know." He stepped back out of my embrace, looking up at me hesitantly. "I do have one more thing to ask you though...."

I felt my eyebrows knit together automatically. "Yeah?"

"Um, well, the thing is... he's invited me to come up to Santa Barbara with him next weekend. May's gonna send me notes from class and Lester - uh, my boss - gave me a rocket stick so I can work from the hotel while he's filming. Or maybe even the beach if it's okay with you and we clear it with your agent, I could make a lot of money from the beach. And then we could all spend time together, Larry too. But I don't want to come if you're uncomfortable with it...."

I shook my head. "It's fine. I'd really like it if you came... it'd be nice to have the weekend together." And it would give me the opportunity to see how they were together, though Daniel didn't need to know that.

Daniel's happiness was so obvious that it almost made me feel guilty for my ulterior motives. "Really? Even if I'm on the beach?"

Maybe it was a good idea for Daniel to see a little bit of the reality of filming. "As long as you're not trying to get yourself a part."

He laughed and shook his head. "No, no. I promise. Oh love, I'm so excited. I can hardly wait."

~~~

On Sunday after lunch with Mom and Dad I dropped Daniel off at Larry's apartment, staying for a beer and to make plans for the trip to Santa Barbara. Daniel and John were ridiculously cuddly and saccharine together, though I think it made it easier for Larry to convince John to leave his sporty little roadster at home and ride up with us in his Nissan. I trusted his driving far more than John's, though I didn't say that out loud. 

The third time Daniel kissed John's pout Larry turned to me with a roll of his eyes. "Disgusting, aren't they?"

"Terrible," I replied, chuckling. "I should head out, I have to work tonight."

"Sure. I'll walk you down." Larry touched my shoulder as we left the apartment, voice low. "You really okay with this? I know how protective you are of Daniel."

I shrugged. "I kind of have to be. Daniel's so head over heels that nothing I could say or do would stop this."

Larry nodded. "I'll keep an eye on them too. But I've known John for three years, Ben. He might be a bit of a flake sometimes, but his heart's in the right place. He's not the type to fool around."

"Except at work."

"Work's different. And you know we've got co-workers who've made it work, don't you? I mean, Morgan's married, for gods sakes."

"Really?" I hadn't worked with him yet, though that wasn't surprising; Morgan was the only regular more well-endowed than I was and he topped almost exclusively. We were scheduled to DP John in the beach orgy.

"Mmhmm. He's putting his husband through his second doctorate. They're adorable together."

"Do you think you could ever do it?" I found myself asking, and looked away, suddenly remembering what it had felt like to kiss him and trying to immediately put it out of my mind.

Larry was silent for a moment. "I hadn't really thought about it until recently," he said finally, quiet. "I... don't really know. I like to think I could, for the right person. I guess I'd just have to try and find out." I heard him swallow, then turn to me. "You?"

I shook my head. "I guess I haven't really thought about it either. When I started doing this I kind of figured... you know, that was it. I'd already written off my social life when I started working graves, dating just... wasn't a priority. Even if I thought I could find someone who'd understand. But I guess it would be different if you were dating someone who was kind of in the industry too."

"Yeah... I guess it would."

I stepped out of the elevator as it reached the ground level, then turned back to him. "Larry...."

"Yeah?"

"I..." I searched his gaze, but he seemed to keep his expression carefully blank. "I'm looking forward to working with you again," I said finally, and he gave me a soft smile.

"Yeah. Me too. Alan was happy you agreed." Larry glanced down, his voice quieter. "He says we, um, have really good chemistry."

"Do you think so?" I felt even more anxious as the words left my lips.

He gave a soundless laugh, and I watched his hands clench into fists, then relax. "... yeah."

His sudden softness and vulnerability made my heart ache with a longing so strong that it felt like I could hardly breathe. Before I could talk myself out of it I'd stepped forward, cupping his face with one hand and arching up to press my lips to his. Larry pulled a soft, shaky gasp against my mouth, and I could feel his hands tremble as they came to rest on my hips, pulling me closer.

That was all the encouragement I needed, and I slid my fingers back into his hair, kissing him with more certainty and giving a soft, low moan at the bliss of his lips against mine. They parted eagerly as I flicked my tongue against them, welcoming my caress, though I could still feel him trembling against me. "Ben...."

"Shh..." I murmured, stroking my fingers through his hair. I kissed him again, gently, wanting nothing more than to reassure him but not quite knowing how. "It's okay...."

"Is it?" There was a slight note of panic in his voice, and I gave a soft, reassuring hum, pressing another soft kiss to his mouth before resting my forehead against his.

"Yeah. We'll talk more on Friday, okay?"

Larry gave a shaky laugh. "We'll be fucking on Friday."

"Yeah." I couldn't keep the huskiness out of my voice, and Larry gave a low, helpless moan. Suddenly he was kissing me with all of the desire I'd been trying to hold back, his hands sliding to cup and clench at my ass, pulling me tight against him. I groaned and arched closer, wanting to disappear into his kisses, to lose myself completely in heat and desire and the pleasure of his body. I let my lips part to his, breathing in his gasps, letting him taste and claim me and sucking at his lips and tongue in return. "God, Lar...."

"Fuck...." He stepped back, breathless, a hand on my chest to hold me in place when I whimpered and tried to follow him. "Friday."

I let out a long breath and nodded. Then I took the hand on my chest and lifted it to my lips, pressing a kiss to the backs of his fingers and pressing them to my cheek. "Friday."

I went home and put myself to bed, curling my fingers around my cock with the taste of his lips still on mine. I finally let myself think back to what it had been like to be with him, stroking myself and remembering his breathless, laughing playfulness, the eager passion he'd shown me as he'd ground his tight ass down onto my cock. I couldn't ignore now that I wanted him more than anyone else I'd filmed with, ever - that he was the only one I actually wanted - and as I stroked myself to a shuddering climax I tried to focus on the passion of his kisses and not the nervous uncertainty that I'd seen in his gaze.

~~~

**Larry Byrne**

John and I picked up the twins at nine in the morning on Friday, just late enough to avoid the worst of the rush hour traffic. He texted Daniel while we were on our way, and as we pulled up they appeared from the building, bags in hand. Ben had a pillow under one arm, and he gave me a sleepy smile as I got out of the car to open the trunk. "Might crash on the way out there, I've only had a couple hours. Sorry."

"Ben can take the front," John offered brightly, and I cut him off before Ben could reply.

"You are not making out with Daniel in my backseat the entire way out there," I told him sternly, shutting the trunk, and glanced to Ben. "Ah, sorry. If that's okay."

"Ben can crash on my shoulder." Daniel answered for him, pulling John into a warm kiss before climbing into the back of my car.

Somehow Daniel managed to arrange himself so he could both hold John's hand over the back of the passenger seat and so Ben could pillow his head on his chest, half sprawled across the back seat. He fell asleep quickly, and we spent the trip in quiet conversation.

I liked Daniel. I'd decided that very quickly when John had started bringing him around. He had a quiet, studious seriousness to him that gave way to sweet smiles and easy laughter in John's presence. He had just started his masters in psychiatry, I'd learned, and was at the top of his class as well as doing nearly full time cam work, though it didn't surprise me that he worked as hard as his brother.

Ben. I stole a glance at him where he slept on Daniel in the back seat. Asleep, he looked completely carefree, very different from the determined, often worried individual who seemed like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I couldn't ignore anymore how much I wanted him.

But what could there be between us? It had surprised the hell out of me when he'd acted first, though it occurred to me that Daniel had been dropping small hints that Ben might have some kind of feelings toward me since we'd met. A relationship then, like he'd mentioned that day? I could hardly contemplate it. Six months ago it wouldn't even have been a question.

But six months ago had been before I'd met Ben. Now I couldn't help but think about what Alan had said, about working towards the future. About the possibility of finding someone. I'd been working for him, doing this for nearly five years now... maybe it was time to consider a change, no matter what might end up happening.

We got into Santa Barbara near 1pm, following my phone's GPS to a huge house at the end of billionaire's row and taking a private access road along to the cliffs by the beach. A slew of vehicles were already parked on the grass, and I pulled in beside a panel van. I handed the keys to John after turning off the ignition. "You still good to go check in for us?"

"Sure."

Check in at the motel we'd booked into wasn't until three; likely Ben and I would still be filming. John was only needed for bits and pieces throughout the afternoon until his call time of four. "Thanks. Make sure they've got it right. Two queens, smoking."

"Two smoking queens," he repeated with a smirk, and we headed down the staircase in the cliffs to the beach.

Daniel looked out towards the cluster of people and cameras on the beach. "What are they shooting now?"

I shaded my eyes and examined the group. "Morgan, I think. Some cute little threesome teaching two beachgoers important tips about safe beach sex."

"I thought the only important tip was not to get sand in the lube," John replied with a smirk, making Daniel giggle.

The whole feature-length plot was pretty simple, though entertaining - John, Ben and I, along with Hilary, Morgan and Mike, our token Asian, were all lifeguards at a private gay clothing-optional beach, doing regular lifeguard things like having copious amounts of sex on our breaks and helping beach-goers inflate their rafts by way of the dick. But the beach's new owner - a very established older performer in bear porn who went by Randy Moore that Alan had brought in - had become convinced that lifeguards were unnecessary, despite Hilary's brave efforts to convince him otherwise by way of his hot ass.

When Alan had given me the choice I'd almost called Hilary's role just for the experience of working with Randy. I'd also been tempted by John's role - the newbie lifeguard who saves the day via a dramatic drowning rescue followed by mouth-to-dick ressusitation, proving the necessity of keeping all the horny lifeguards gainfully employed. But John was always so happy to have large amounts of dialogue no matter how cheesy, and the truth of the matter was... I wanted this scene with Ben.

It wasn't anything complicated. Just two friends going skinny dipping, then having sex in the sun on their lunchbreak. But I didn't want complicated.

I just wanted Ben.

We were early enough that I was able to take my time undressing one of the small wardrobe tents that had been set up on the beach, working myself open and trying to calm myself into the mindset I needed for filming. Then I dressed in one of the tiny red speedos they'd left me, along with water shoes and a lanyard with a lifeguard whistle on it, and as they tackled my makeup and slathered me with sunscreen I took one last glance through the script.

SCENE - Lunch Break Beach Sex  
LIFEGUARD 3 & 4, long term friends and fuck buddies. Should be played with tender familiarity and ardent passion.

I swallowed hard and told myself firmly that I'd have no issues with this. This was work. I'd done hundreds of scenes with dozens of men. What was one more? And if maybe I felt a little more for this one man than I should, well... surely it would just come across as good acting.

They'd set up a lifeguard station on the sand, and after they'd walked Ben and I through the blocking for the scene I climbed up into the seat. Putting a pair of binoculars to my eyes, I wondered if my view would be cut in post-production to make it seem like I was 'Boywatch'-ing the naked beach goers.

I heard the director call action, and a few moments later felt Ben's touch on my ankle.

I hung up the binoculars and leaned out over the side of the chair. "Well hey there, handsome."

If the kisses Ben and I had shared earlier in the week had unsettled him at all, he certainly didn't show it, his smile as inviting as my own. "Hey there yourself, sexy. I'm on lunch... do you wanna take a break?"

I climbed down off the chair and stepped close to him, stroking my hands up his chest and over his shoulders. "Does taking a break involve going to our special spot and fucking like rabbits?"

"Definitely. First one there gets to top."

Then he took off down the beach, and I followed in hot pursuit. Thankfully we didn't have to run the entire way, and the director was happy with the take. The next, though - tackling Ben into waist-deep water - we did five times, until we were both laughing at the ridiculousness of it, soaking wet and chilled from the ocean.

After the sixth tackle we picked ourselves out of the water, still laughing, and Ben pulled me close. "You bitch," he murmured, far warmer and more affectionate than the indignant way he'd said it in previous takes. Then he pressed his lips to mine and I forgot all about the shooting.

The tricks to feigning passion for the camera were one of the first things that Alan had drilled into me - how to arch your back and hold your body, to let the gasp of your breath move your whole body and build sexual tension. I didn't have to fake any of that now, molding my body to his and giving myself over completely to hungry, gasping kisses. I raked my hands down his muscular back to grab his ass, wanting nothing more than to be as close to him as possible.

"Cut! Nice passion play, boys. Let's move on to the next scene and get you more naked."

Ben looked a little dazed as I pulled back, lips parted and breathless, and I managed a smile. "You okay?"

He nodded, the smile on his lips suddenly adoring, and his hand found mine underwater for a brief, warm squeeze before pulling away. His sweetness made my heart pound painfully in my chest, and I followed him back through the surf to the shore, mentally cursing myself but wanting him all the same.

Hair and makeup attacked us as the camera crew repositioned, toweling our hair dry, touching up makeup and oiling us down again. It was agony when all I wanted was to touch him again. I kept catching him glancing back towards me, and the quiet intensity in his gaze made me feel like I could hardly breathe.

"You boys looked good out there." I turned to find my agent making his way down the beach towards us, dressed in swim trunks and huge movie star sunglasses with a big floppy hat. "Don't forget to angle to the camera."

"Don't act like I'm some first timer," I shot back, grinning to cover for the embarrassment of not having even thought about it. "Didn't know you were coming out here."

Alan snorted. "And miss this glorious fiasco? Never. Besides, we needed some background beachgoers who didn't mind suntanning naked on camera. Thought I'd enjoy a nice little cameo." He lowered his glasses as he moved closer, quirking one eyebrow suggestively. "If you'd like company later on after filming, let me know."

For a split second I froze, and felt a sudden rush of self consciousness, my heart pounding. "I - ah, I have plans. I'm sorry."

"Oh?" Alan looked genuinely surprised for a moment. Then he glanced to Ben and smirked, patting my shoulder and passing. "Alright."

"Plans?" Ben asked me quietly as we started wading back into the surf.

I swallowed hard. "Don't we?"

"If you have somewhere else you need to be - "

"No." I closed my eyes for a second, drawing a soft breath, and it took every ounce of willpower to keep my voice steady. "I just want to be with you, Ben."

Ben said nothing, but slipped an arm around my waist, pulling me close as we walked.

Behind us, I heard Alan's voice. "These are two of my best boys. Keep the cameras rolling. Everything you get out of these two today is going to be pure gold."

"I do like that blocking." I heard the director reply behind me. "Let's get that in shot. Arm 'round the waist, moving to making out against the rocks."

I leaned into Ben more as I heard them call action, letting him pull me deeper into the water, pressing me back against the rock under where they'd set up the boom. Then he moved in to kiss me, lips barely brushing mine before pulling back, teasing, and I whimpered despite myself. Ben's lips ghosted along my jaw before he licked up the length of my neck, breath hot against my skin as his hands stroked over my chest and shoulders. "Want you so bad....."

I gave a soft, helpless moan, pulling his mouth to mine. "Anything you want," I breathed, drinking in his kisses, losing myself to the feel of his body against mine. "Can do anything you want to me, oh god, please...."

When Ben pulled away I whimpered and tried to follow, but he held me in place, sliding a hand down my wet chest to palm my cock, which was just barely contained now by the tiny red speedo. Fully erect, Ben had no chance in hell of staying in his, the head of his cock already poking out above the waistband. I suddenly wanted him in my mouth more than anything and went off script to do so, pushing him back against the rocks and dropping to my knees in the surf. I yanked at his speedo as my mouth slid down over his abs, sucking hungrily at the head of his cock as he sprang free, swallowing him to the hilt.

"Fuck - !" I felt Ben's hips stutter up into my mouth, one hand tangling in my hair. "Oh god you're so good at that - "

I gave a breathless laugh as I pulled back, licking a thick stripe up his shaft and nuzzling the head of his cock. "Just can't help it, darling. Love having your thick cock down my throat...."

He groaned as my lips slid down his shaft again. "Look so good on your knees for me sweetheart... oh god yes, just like that...."

Being in the lee of the ocean rocks tempered the waves that rocked over me, but it was still less than ideal. I held his hips tightly and managed not to inhale any sea water as I lavished attention on his cock, but soon enough Ben was tugging me back, pulling me to my feet. "Don't think you get to have all the fun," he said with a smirk, moving in to claim a kiss as his fingers caught in the band of my speedo. He kicked off his own in the waves as he eased mine down past my knees, then turned me back to the rocks, catching hold of my hips and lifting me up as another wave rolled in, setting me up on the rocks. His mouth was hot on my chest as his fingers curled loosely around my cock, stroking me slowly as he sucked my nipples to hard peaks.

Moments later he was kissing down my abs, licking hungrily up the shaft of my cock and groaning low and throaty as he took me in his mouth.

"Jesus Christ - " My fingers scrambled for purchase on the rock as my other hand clenched in his hair, my body craving more sensation and just barely managing to control myself. I'd been half convinced Ben would refuse this role for this part of the scene alone, but he showed no hesitation now, lavishing attention on my cock with a single-minded focus. His low groans of pleasure thrummed through me, but it was the little glances he cast up at me that made my breath catch in my throat: sweet and eager and adoring. I managed to find purchase on the rock with the toes of my shoes to let me arch up under him, urging him on with gasped encouragements until the pleasure of it became too much to handle and I had to call for a beak.

Ben stood, but instead of pulling away he pressed close to me, resting his forehead against my chest as he caught his breath. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his shoulders, stroking one hand up into his hair. "Jesus Christ, Ben. Someone's been studying."

He chuckled softly. "Maybe a little. I was inspired."

I caught sight of Alan approaching before I could reply, carrying two bottles of water. "Oh thank God, all I can taste is ocean water and sunscreen. Ben?"

Ben gave an equally appreciative noise as he downed half of his. "I think I lost my speedo somewhere."

"Oh, don't worry your pretty little head about that, we bought them in bulk. Now, do you think you can get enough leverage to fuck him over this ledge, or should we move back to shore?"

Ben stepping away left me feeling unusually out of place. I pulled both knees up almost to my chest, bracing my feet on the rock under me and watching Ben and Alan wade out a little farther, soon joined by the director. Ben seemed neither distracted nor perturbed by his nakedness and arousal, climbing up on the half submerged rocks. Then he waved me over. "How do you feel about here?"

I bit my bottom lip and drew a soft breath as I ran a hand over the rocks. They weren't sharp, but they were still far too rough. "I think I'm gonna get wicked rug burn, and I still have to film tomorrow."

"We have towels," the director offered, and Ben offered a hand to help me up onto the rocks.

It wasn't as precarious as it looked, and I knew it would set an impressive scene for a porno. I wanted this to look good. "All right. Give us a towel and some lube."

Soon I was half kneeling, bent over the rocks, feeling for the most secure places to brace myself as the cameramen and boom operator repositioned themselves. Ben stood behind me, one hand resting warm and secure on the small of my back. "You good, Lar? Need anything else?"

I twisted to look back at him, wetting my lips. "Wanna play with my ass a little bit before we start fucking?"

The hunger in his expression made me shiver. "Definitely."

Moments later I was pressing back against him, gasping as he worked two slick fingers into my ass. More than anything I wanted to lose myself to him, to forget about lines and camera angles, to be able to gasp his name as I begged for him. "Oh god yes...."

"Gorgeous, tight little ass..." Ben purred, working in a third, the stretch and burn of it aching and vivid and perfect. "Just can't wait for my cock, can you?"

"Never can," I gasped, pressing back against his fingers, crying out as they twisted inside me. "Oh god, that's it. Come on, fuck me. Please fuck my ass...."

"Love it when you beg, darling..." I felt the thick head of his cock press against me, slowly pressing into me just enough to tease before pulling away completely. He repeated the motion, pushing a little deeper, then pulling back and teasing my ass with the head of his cock, playing for the tight angles. For as many times I'd done this, today I felt like I could hardly stand it.

"Fuck, don't tease me - " 

"Shhh...." Ben pressed close this time as he took me, slowly rocking deeper, pressing a warm kiss to the crook of my neck, his body warm against my back. "This what you want, sweetheart?"

"Oh god yes." I let my eyes fall closed, gasping and rolling my hips back against him. "So big, feels so fucking good...."

"Mmhmm... this why you always lose the race?"

I laughed breathlessly, feeling far more in my element again with him close to me. "Oh yeah. God, just want your thick cock in me all the time...!"

"Give it to you as often as you want, gorgeous...." Ben mouthed hot kisses along my shoulder and up my neck, bracing himself on the rock with one hand beside mine. I felt his free arm stroke around my waist, holding me tight for a few hard thrusts, then release me, stroking smooth and slow up over my chest. I felt him nuzzle my jaw, and I couldn't help but turn my face back to him, drawing a shivering gasp as his lips brushed mine.

Ben gave a low groan and slowed, leaning closer to claim a kiss. I arched into it desperately, twisting as much as I could to taste him, sucking hungrily at his lips and tongue and crying out against his mouth as his hips snapped up into me again and again. "Oh god!"

It was his kisses and tenderness that did it for me more than anything else, and when he slowed for the director I had to grit my teeth on a sob of frustration.

Thankfully the direction was what I wanted. "Footage looks good, boys, let's go ahead with the finale."

"Thank god," I gasped, rocking back against him. "I'm so fucking close...."

"Yeah?" Ben started to move a little harder, lips still warm on my neck. He smoothed his hand down my chest and over my cock, cupping and teasing my sack before taking me in hand. "This what you wanted? Just wanted me to fuck you hard and deep and make you come on my cock?"

"So fucking bad," I gasped, crying out as he shifted to hit up against my sweet spot, pounding into me, overwhelming me with hard shocks of pleasure. In moments I was shuddering under him, wailing out my climax as he stroked every spurt of my orgasm from me.

I moved as soon as I could breathe, kissing him hard before slipping off the rock and back down into the water, drawing my tongue up the underside of his cock. "Come on darling, come all over my face like I know you want to...."

He gave a choked, desperate sounding groan, hips giving a desperate buck into his fist as he stroked himself, gaze locked on mine as he came in hot spurts on my lips and chin, and I pressed closer to lick at the head of his cock, catching his come and urging every last bit from him.

Finally I sank back into the ocean, letting the water wash over me before holding a hand out to him to join me. Ben pressed close wordlessly, surprising me by pulling me into a warm kiss, claiming my mouth, tongue pressing between my lips as if to taste the remnants of his own passion. I gave a soft moan, cuddling closer than I probably should, letting myself focus completely on the feel of his body against mine and not caring about the cameras at all.

"Cut!"

I sighed, not wanting to let go. Ben kept his arms tight around me, looking towards shore. "We filming the bridge now?"

"Yeah. Julie - go find John."

"Sure." The production aid started back down the beach. "Should I bring back new speedos?"

The director shook his head. "Nah, just give them towels. We'll let Randy adlib something funny about the cost of all these lost speedos. Boys, do you mind to hold that position for a few? You've been wonderful. Ideal performers."

"We're good like this," Ben replied, and under the water I felt his fingers smooth over the small of my back, stroking slow and gentle.

I closed my eyes and curled into him a little more, keeping my voice low. "That was... really good."

"Yeah?" Ben's smile was soft and a little wondering, and he brought one hand up to stroke along my jaw. "Lar... I..."

"Later," I murmured. "Soon as we're done here we can go back to the motel. You must be beat."

He gave a low hum. "Just don't wanna be up all night... could do with a bit of a nap, though."

"After that I wouldn't mind one either," I replied.

One of the production aids returned with John at that moment, and it didn't take long to film the bridging scene - discovering us with just a hint of wide-eyed innocence, calling us back to the beach house for "a really important meeting with the boss". We even threw in a few lines.

"Shit, I lost my speedo."

"Again?" I laughed. "That's the third time this week."

"And whose fault is that? Besides, I don't see yours anywhere."

"Dammit!"

Ben was already waiting for me when I'd finished changing, key card in hand. "Alan says we're cleared to go, and that he'll make sure John and Daniel get a ride back to the hotel. Thanks for coming back with me."

I smiled and shook my head. "Kinda want to get away from here and decompress."

He nodded, and as we climbed the stairs back to the car I felt his hand rest on the small of my back, feeling warm and possessive, and I didn't have any urge to pull away. Still, he seemed a little too quiet as we got in the car. I glanced over to him as I started it. "You okay?"

He nodded slowly, but his lips pursed into a small frown. "Lar... can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Is there something between you and Alan?"

I took my hands from the wheel, slowly moving them to rest in my lap. "Alan..." I started, then stopped, trying to find the words. "He... when I was just starting out he gave me the kind of help that I can never even hope to repay. I owe him a lot."

Ben's voice was softer, tense. "Are you sleeping with him?"

I closed my eyes and let out a soft breath. "We've pretty much all slept with Alan, Ben."

"I haven't."

"Well it's not a mandatory casting couch. But no, I'm not. Not now. Sometimes he lets me when I want to, but... I don't want to right now." I looked over at him, keeping my voice purposefully even. "Is that alright for now?"

He searched my gaze for a moment, then gave a soft smile and nodded. As I drove to the motel he let his hand rest on my thigh, and I found the touch more grounding than I would have expected.

"John says he put our bags in the room," Ben told me as we got out of the car, and I followed him up the stairs and along the veranda to one of the rooms. He slipped the card into the door, then groaned. "Fuck. I think I grabbed the wrong key card from him."

I glanced over his shoulder to see a single king bed in the middle of the room and snorted. "No, those are our bags. Asshole probably did this on purpose. Want me to go see if they have any queens available?"

"If you want...." Ben turned, looking up at me, hesitating a moment before speaking. "I - I don't mind. It's a big bed. If you don't."

I let the door close behind me, swallowing. "I... um. I'd kind of like that, actually."

Ben reached out to catch my hand, and I didn't resist as he drew me closer, arching up to press a slow, sweet kiss to my mouth. I let out a soft, shivering breath and leaned into him, slipping an arm around his waist and trying to reassure myself with the solidity of his body against mine. "I don't know if I'm really up to doing anything right now," I said softly, and he gave a low hum of understanding.

"It's fine. I... I just want to be close to you right now. Is that okay?"

"I'd really like that," I murmured.

Curled in bed with him in nothing but our boxers, I nestled my face into his shoulder and closed my eyes. I let myself focus on the warmth of his body and the strength of his arms around me, and as I dozed was able to put all thoughts about what this meant and what the consequences might be completely out of my mind.

~~~

 

I woke with the sun shining on me through the gap in the motel curtains, and shifted to try and get it out of my eyes. As I did I felt Ben move behind me, curling closer to my back. I could feel the warm tease of his breath on the back of my neck, his arms warm and strong around me, and I couldn't help but cuddle back into him, craving the closeness and intimacy. Ben gave a soft low hum against my skin, and I felt his lips press a soft, slow kiss to my spine, then another.

I closed my eyes, feeling a shiver of nervous anticipation churn in my stomach, warring with the desire I felt for him.

I turned in his arms and Ben gave me a soft, sleepy smile, moving one hand up to cup my cheek, fingers stroking my skin gently. I pressed my lips to the heel of his hand, but I couldn't help but shiver as I did, feeling so completely out of my element being caught in this nervous mix of desire and anxiety.

Ben made a soft, soothing noise, leaning in to press a soft kiss to my forehead, my nose, finally claiming my mouth gently. I felt like I could hardly breathe, drawing soft, shivering gasps against his lips as he kissed me. But I couldn't stand the thought of letting go of him, and I arched closer to him, stroking a trembling hand down his side to clench at his hip and pull him closer.

"You okay?" Ben's touch was gentle, soothing, but still I gave a soft, helpless laugh.

"Yeah. I just... " I just what? Was afraid of how much I wanted him, how much I felt for him? This trembling, knotted anxiety made me question my inner strength and self-confidence, made me remember how long it had been since I'd let myself love someone and how it had almost completely ruined me. "I just haven't done this in a long time." I said finally, but couldn't quite keep my voice steady.

"Since before you started filming?" Ben's voice was soft, fingers continuing their gentle caress of my hair and back. I tried to let it ground me. "Me too. Lar... do you want this?"

I managed to nod, pressing a soft, trembling kiss to his mouth. "Ben, I... I asked for that scene... I wanted it with you."

He sighed softly against my lips, pressing closer. "I'd hoped you had," he murmured, kissing me longer, and I couldn't help but start to relax into the warmth of his passion and my desire for him. Ben's fingers tightened in my hair, nipping and sucking at my bottom lip. "God, Lar... never wanted anyone like this."

I gave a soft, murmured agreement, and let myself focus on the intoxicating feel of his body against mine, encouraging his deep, yearning kisses and urging him on top of me. Being pinned under the strength of his body felt even better than I'd anticipated, and soon I was grinding up against him, erection rubbing against the hard length of his own through the thin cotton of our boxers as we rocked together, whimpering in pleasure into his mouth.

Ben dropped his lips to my throat, a warm caress against my fluttering pulse, voice low between kisses. "Tell me how to please you...?"

I let out a soft breath, tilting my head back for him. "God, Ben... make love to me. Just like this. Please.... I just want you all to myself for a little while."

He gave a little choked groan, claiming my mouth again, hips giving a harder buck against mine. "You have lube?"

"My bag - " I reached towards it, giving a soft noise of loss as he pulled away to get it for me. He covered my neck and shoulders in kisses as I dug through it, his cock pressed hard against my thigh, sliding one hand down into my boxers to cup and stroking my erection until I almost felt I'd go mad. Finally I found what I was looking for, pressing it into his hand and starting to yank at his boxers. "Naked."

"Mmhmmm... " Ben lifted his hips to help me and stripped me of my own, pressing back against me. The heat of his skin against mine felt even better, and I hooked a thigh over his hip, grinding up against him.

"God, Ben please...."

"Anything you want, darling," he murmured softly, claiming my mouth in slow, gentle kisses as he reached back to work slick fingers inside me. "Want me to wear anything?"

I shook my head and bit my lip on a whimper as the tips of his fingers brushed over my sweet spot, and Ben gave a soft, interested noise, finding it again and rubbing against it gently in slow circles. "Like that...?"

I tried not to squirm against him, breath coming faster. I already felt like every nerve in my body was wound tight from both pleasure and uncertainty; the extra stimulation was almost too much to handle. "Oh fuck. God, Ben...."

"So gorgeous, Lar...." He kissed me again, equally breathless, more demanding. "So fucking sexy like this...."

"Please fuck me." I gave a soft whimper as Ben's fingers eased from me, and pulled him back on top of me. "Wanna feel you come inside me."

"God..." Ben's hips gave a helpless buck against mine, and he laughed breathlessly against my lips as he hurriedly slicked himself. "Everything we can't do on set, huh?"

I echoed his soft laugh and nodded, bringing my thighs up high against his sides and pulling him back into my kisses. I drew a sharp gasp as he began to press inside me, digging my fingers into his shoulders. "Oh god yes...."

Ben gave a low groan against my lips, dotting them with soft kisses as he began to move, slow and smooth, pressing deeper with each thrust. I pulled my thighs higher until we were connecting just right, the thick girth of his cock filling me up perfectly, dragging over my prostate on every thrust. Each rush of sensation left me gasping, clinging to him, whimpering against his mouth. "Fuck, Ben...!"

"Feels so fucking good to make love to you," he breathed, giving a harder thrust against me, and I cried out breathlessly, trying to rock up against him.

"Don't hold back," I gasped, crying out as he gave another hard thrust. "Oh god yes, feels so good - !"

Ben pressed a breathless, trembling kiss to my jaw, keeping up the pace, each rush of sensation almost completely overwhelming. "Can you come like this for me, love?"

"So fucking close," I gasped, letting my head fall back, already riding the edge. Then my mind registered what he'd called me, and the sudden shock of how good it sounded broke my self restraint. I bucked up onto his cock with a helpless sob and everything came crashing down around me, orgasm rushing hot through my body, eclipsing my body with bliss. Ben gave a choked, throaty cry, giving a few more hard thrusts into me before I felt him pulse and come inside me, gasping my name against my hair.

For a long moment we just stayed close. I kept my legs loosely wrapped around Ben's waist, turning my face into his soft, trembling kisses. I felt too overwhelmed to speak, so I just held tight to him, catching his mouth and kissing him again and again as my breathing gradually calmed. He finally eased away from me enough that I could let my thighs down, and I managed to find my voice, stroking my fingers through his hair soothingly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I - " He gave the barest nod, giving a soft cough but failing to clear the roughness from his voice. "Sorry. Just wasn't sure... I've always been worried that working would ruin this for me." 

He didn't have to explain what he meant. I nodded slowly, then let my forehead rest against his. "Ben, l... I don't know if I'm going to be any good at this. The last time I was in a relationship with someone, I...." I swallowed against the tide of memories. How it had set me on the path that Alan had saved me from. "It ended really bad. I'm not sure I know how to be with someone."

Ben let out a long breath, pulling back just enough to hold my gaze. "I know. And I have a lot of commitments, Lar. But I want to be with you, and I'll do my best to take care of you. I hope we can figure it out together? Just... Go slow and see what works? Is that okay? "

Somehow his tentative suggestion was far more reassuring than a hundred promises could have been. I managed a nod. "I want to be with you too, Ben. But we have to agree that work is work. I can't let myself invest in this if we're just gonna fall apart because of that."

He nodded, stroking his fingers up into my hair, blue eyes intent. "And outside of work? Can that be just us?"

I let out a shaky breath and nodded. "I'd like that."

The sweet happiness in Ben's smile made my heart ache with happiness, and I pulled him to me, holding him tightly and letting myself begin to hope that this might just work out after all.

~~~

The rest of the weekend was blissfully wonderful - strolling through Santa Barbara with John and Daniel, going for dinner, having drinks on the patio of our motel, overlooking the ocean. Walking hand in hand with Ben, sitting close to him, enjoying how his body language had become both possessive and protective towards me. I tried to ignore the little knowing looks Daniel was casting his brother, or John's thinly-veiled triumphant glee.

Ben was what mattered most.

And at night, alone in our room, I gave myself over completely to him, losing myself to the warmth of his kisses and slow, intense lovemaking, feeling so much love for him that I thought my heart might burst.

The drive back to LA on Sunday night was low key and comfortable, spent in idle conversation and listening to the radio. Ben took the passenger seat while John and Daniel cuddled in the back. He let one hand rest on my forearm as I drove, and the touch was warm and grounding.

Part way home his phone rang. I couldn't help but notice the worry that crossed his expression as he pulled it out of his pocket, clicking on. "Hey Dad. What's up?"

In the back seat, Daniel instantly grew more alert, his attention on Ben as he spoke. "It was great, we had a really good time. What's wrong?"

I watched him frown, and resisted the urge to step on the gas. "Yeah, we just passed through Thousand Oaks, we should be home in an hour. We can come over. Just tell me now, Dad. Look, it's obvious that something's wrong, just tell me now. You can't just....."

There was a pause, and I watched a tension take over his entire body, shoulders squaring off as he sat taller, his voice low and hard. "Why didn't you tell me they'd ordered more tests?"

Daniel quietly leaned forward, reaching over the back seat to rest a hand on Ben's shoulder, and he took it, clenching it tightly. Ben let out a shaky breath. "But it's okay, right? Even stage four - there's still drugs we haven't tried - " I heard his breath come faster. "Hospice - no, don't even say that word, it's not - Dad! You can't just fucking give up, I'm not - "

He was silent for a long moment, gaze focused on his lap, then gave a soundless, choked laugh. "Yeah. Fine. We'll come over."

Ben was silent after ending the call, pale and tight-lipped, staring down at the phone in his lap. I glanced from the road towards him, stomach tight with worry, but he didn't move to meet my gaze. Finally Daniel leaned closer, and I could hear the fear in his voice. "Ben....?"

"Can we please stop somewhere for a moment?" Ben's harsh whisper was tight with barely contained emotion, and I nodded, just barely managing to catch the approaching off ramp and pulling into a strip mall parking lot.

As soon as I'd parked Ben was out of the car, crossing the parking lot to stand by the side of a closed post office, pulling a cigarette out of his pack. Daniel caught up with him before he could light it, though, wrapping his arms up around his brother's neck. I watched Ben cling to him, face buried in his neck, and felt a surge of helplessness as I watched them.

I glanced over the seat to find John watching them as well, a quiet, resigned sadness in his expression. "John, what's going on?"

"Their mom's been fighting cancer on and off since they were in high school," he replied quietly, and let out a long sigh. "Doesn't look like good news."

"No, it doesn't," I replied, feeling my heart break at Ben's pain and wishing I could do something to stop it.

***


	7. One Last Promise

**Ben Carson**

The days following my parents decision to transition my mother to palliative care were a blur, bright flashes of pain amidst a numb emptiness. Sitting down with them that first evening and listening to their calm, quiet rationalizations. How it would mean a better quality, more comfortable life, how the assistance that Dad's benefits covered would help all of us. All I could focus on was Daniel's arm wrapped warm and tight around my shoulders as he responded for both of us because my throat had closed over from the knot in it, my eyes burning with unshed tears that I fought to hold back.

My parents were certain in their decision, had talked it over in detail together, come to terms with it. My mother's cancer had spread again, into her lymphatic system now, and even more aggressive chemo wasn't stemming the tide. Hospice care would be the most comfortable way to end this battle. But I felt no peace from the decision.

When Daniel and I returned home I went into the bedroom silently, stripping down to my boxers and curling up in bed. Shortly after I head Daniel come in after me, shutting the door behind him and undressing without turning on the light. Then I felt my mattress dip, and he crawled in under the quilts with me like he had so frequently when we were younger.

Wordlessly I curled into him, letting him urge my face to nestle against his chest, his fingers smoothing slow and gentle through my hair and down my back. "Ben... talk to me."

I felt like silence was the only thing holding me together. I tried to draw a deep breath to respond to him, but my throat clenched around the words. I tried to breathe past it, trembling, and shook my head.

Daniel sighed, soft and heartbreaking, pressing a kiss to my hair. "This isn't your failing, Ben," he said quietly, and even though I knew that, logically, he was right, I couldn't help but feel the opposite. It broke the dam on my self control and I wept quietly against his chest, feeling his body shake and tremble with his own tears as he held me until exhaustion drove me to the welcome oblivion of sleep.

I barely managed to talk Daniel into going to classes the next day, though he told me he was going to arrange to take some time off work. That I could understand. There was no way I could even think about finding the energy to perform. I dozed fitfully through the day, waking when Daniel returned home and curled up with me again, then forced myself to go to the warehouse just so that I could lose myself to the meaningless repetition of physical labour.

I'd received only two texts during the day. One from my agent, bringing with it a relief I sorely needed. _'The boys explained your situation. Take as much time as you need.'_

The other came from my lover. _'Let me know if there's anything I can do. I'm so sorry, Ben.'_

I could only assume that Daniel had told him and John about what was going on. I was grateful to not have to explain myself, though I couldn't help but feel guilty for pulling away from him. Part of me badly wanted to be with him, to take the comfort he was offering. But the thought of having to interact with anyone other than Daniel - to pretend to be a normal person - was too overwhelming.

 _'Thank you,'_ I finally texted back. _'I appreciate it. I just need to take some time. I'm sorry.'_

 _'I understand,'_ came the texted reply, and I forced myself to take him at his word. I didn't have the energy to worry about the alternative.

When I came home from work on Wednesday morning John's car was parked on the street outside my apartment, and he was drinking coffee with Daniel in the kitchen. His presence seemed too invasive, and I the thought of sitting down with them was too overwhelming to contemplate for long. I managed to nod at him on my way into the bedroom, ignoring everything else and crawling into bed.

Daniel joined me a few minutes later, the mattress dipping as he perching behind me. His fingers were warm on my hair. "John's giving me a ride to school. Are you going to be okay?"

I managed a small nod. "I can't believe you can even think about sex right now."

Daniel sighed. "We just cuddled. John isn't like that." He was silent for a moment. "Neither is Larry, you know."

I swallowed hard. "I know. I just... I don't really want to be around anyone but you right now."

"Okay." Daniel's hand moved to my shoulder, stroking slowly. "Dad wants to do dinner tonight. Do you think you'll be up to it?"

I let out a long breath, closing my eyes on the thought. "I don't know. I can't accept that they've given up. Don't know if I'll ever be able to."

He sighed, still stroking my skin. "I know. You don't have to come with me tonight if you don't want to. But you need to get yourself to a place where you can talk to mom about this. There's a service - "

I shook my head. the thought of talking to some therapist in some strange office repulsed me, but I couldn't say that to my brother. "I'll figure myself out."

"All right," Daniel replied softly, but couldn't keep the worry from his voice.

It took another week for me to finally reach out to my father. _'I want to come over. Is she having a good day?'_

_Yes. She really wants to see you, son.'_

Still, it took most of the afternoon for me to make it over there. I stopped at the market on my way over, letting my mind focus on the familiar ideas of meal planning, picking out fresh produce and herbs and letting the flavours mingle together in my mind. It seemed like I'd had little time to cook in the past year apart from our regular Sunday lunches, but it was always calming to me. By the time I got to my parents' apartment I felt far more ready to face the things I didn't want to.

My mother, surprisingly, seemed more clear-headed than I'd seen her in a long time, curled up on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. I'd grown use to how frail she was, and the silk scarves she'd taken to wearing in place of itchy wigs. But she was even wearing makeup today, and I tried to let it encourage me. I put my purchases in the fridge and came and sat with her. "Where's dad?"

"At work. He's moved away from those early shifts. He wanted to be awake longer in the evenings when you boys can come over. My nurse can take me to my appointments now."

I nodded, but didn't like the thought of it. "I can take you. I've stopped working my second job for a while. I'll have lots of time to sleep."

"Are you and Daniel alright for money?"

We we comfortable enough. I knew Daniel was planning on going back to work a few nights a week, and I'd put away enough money from filming that I wouldn't have to worry about going back for a while. "We're fine, mom. I can take care of you."

My mother sighed, shifting closer to me on the couch to lay a hand on my arm. "That's not the point of this, Ben. This care is to make things easier on you. So I can spend time with you."

I closed my eyes, shaking my head and trying to clear the roughness from my voice. "Just want to help."

"You've already done more than I had right to ask for," she replied softly. "But if you want to do something for me... there's one thing...."

I swallowed hard, and covered her hand with my own. "You know I'll always take care of Daniel. I promised you that a long time ago."

I'd come to terms long ago with knowing that Daniel was mom's favorite. It wasn't a bad thing. I'd always been closer with Dad, after all; the only regular thing Mom and I had ever done together was cook. Daniel had been the scholar, the one who'd excelled in the things mom loved. When I supported him and stood up for him was when I saw her smile most brightly. So it had been an easy promise to make when she'd first gotten sick.

"I know, love, but that's not what I was going to say. You're taking care of you too, aren't you?"

I forced a smile. "Yeah, mom. I'm good."

"Daniel told me he met someone special. A boy that works with you at the warehouse."

Was that the story? I nodded. "He has."

"He's a good man, Ben? You're okay with this?"

I thought back to our weekend in Santa Barbara, to the devotion and adoration I'd seen John focus on my brother. Did it matter that he was a porn star? It occurred to me that I didn't even know why he was doing porn, or why any of my costars were. I thought about Daniel telling me that I was only upset about his work because I was so unhappy with myself. Maybe my judgement of John was partly a reflection of my own unhappiness. Could I keep holding our work against him?

"It's hard for me to admit that anyone's good enough for Daniel," I said finally, and swallowed. "But he makes Daniel happy. He's a good guy. I'm okay with it."

She smiled. "Thank you. I told Daniel I'd like to meet him. They sent over the loveliest bouquet of lilies last week. But Daniel wanted me to talk to you first."

"I'm okay with anything that's important to Daniel."

My mother reached out to cover my hand with her other one, squeezing gently. "And you, Ben? You've never talked about anyone. No special boy in your life?"

I thought of Larry, but forced myself to give a soft laugh. "Or girl?"

"Or girl. But you know that statistically it's quite rare for identical twins to have completely different sexualities."

I did smile at that, shaking my head. "Yeah, I guess. But I'm fine, mom. I don't need anyone. I just want to focus on the family right now."

She nodded slowly, letting go of my hand and leaning back into the crook of the couch. "And after, Ben?"

"I don't want to think about after."

"But I want you to." My mother's expression had lost its gentle kindness; now she just looked weary. "Ben... you've put your life on hold for too long already. That's one of the things I regret most, you know."

I smiled and shook my head, moving to wrap my arms around her and trying not to think about how fragile she felt. "Don't. I'd do all of it again."

"I know, sweetheart." She let her head rest against my shoulder. "But if you could... I'd really like to see you find your path in life. Just to do something for you, whatever it is. I want you to be happy. Will you think about that for me? The future?"

I closed my eyes. Focusing on anything beyond the day to day had always been so difficult, so overwhelming. It meant allowing myself far too much hope and leaving myself at risk of too much heartbreak. I thought about Larry and felt my heart twist in my chest. "What if I just want to spend time with you and cook you as many delicious things as I can?"

My mother lifted her head to look up at me with a little smile, a glint in her eye that I hadn't seen for a long time. "A different thing every night, _mein Bärchen_?"

The idea made me feel a rush of both joy and anguish, but the idea of something specific I could do to make things better brought a sudden, unexpected feeling of confidence. "Yeah. Just tell me what you're allowed to eat and I'll make anything you want, mama. I'll take you all around the world and you won't even have to leave the kitchen."

My mother's smile was heartbreakingly sweet. She pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. "I'd really like that." 

~~~

Over the next few weeks I threw myself wholeheartedly into my promise, researching and planning meals that slowly became more interesting and elaborate. Four nights a week I'd arrive at my mother's in the afternoon, armed with ingredients and sometimes new cooking supplies. I'd exchange pleasantries with her nurse - reminding myself not to hate the woman as a symbol of my mother's illness - and get to work. Fridays dad would be home. On good days, my mother would sit on a kitchen stool and lean back against the island, watching and talking with me as I prepped and cooked.

"Do you have enough to cook for five?" she asked me on Thursday afternoon as she watched me fillet a salmon. "I'd like to invite Daniel's young man for dinner."

My thoughts went to Larry immediately, and I felt my stomach clench. I still hadn't spoken to him since Santa Barbara, but as much as it made my heart ache, I knew I needed to keep my focus here. I forced a smile. "You know I always make extra, mama. Go ahead."

I knew that John had spent the past Sunday afternoon here with them, and I assumed he must have pulled it off to have earned a dinner invitation so quickly. Or perhaps my mother just wanted to see Daniel happy. They arrived just as I'd started to sautee the mushrooms, and Daniel wrapped his arms around me from behind for a hug, peering over my shoulder curiously. "This looks deliciously complicated. What are you making, _mein herz_?"

I checked the digital thermometer on the pot of water containing my bagged salmon, moving from stirring the mushrooms to stirring my rice dish. "It's a ginger glazed salmon with shitake mushrooms and a wasabi risotto."

"Since when do you cook?" I could feel John hovering behind me. "That sounds amazing. Like... restaurant fucking amazing. Are you seriously that legit?"

"Of course he is," Daniel declared, pressing a kiss to my ear.

"Don't speak too soon," I warned him. "I've never sous vide anything before and this is a pretty ghetto setup."

"It will be wonderful," Daniel declared, squeezing me tight before stepping away. "I'll set the table."

I smiled, focusing on my work but half listening to them talk as my mother came into the room.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Schreber."

"Elouise please, John. I insist. That's a lovely colour on you, dear, it brings out your eyes."

Daniel's soft laugh. "Everything looks good on John, mama."

"True. You've done well for yourself, _mein Häschen_. I'm so happy you could both come."

"Please don't inflate John's ego anymore than it already is," I interjected as I carefully lifted the bag of salmon from my makeshift sous vide machine. "Food will be ready in ten minutes."

Perhaps I showed off a little, making sure each of the salmon steaks were perfectly seared, plating everything with artistic precision before taking it over to the table. It was worth it to watch John's eyes bug out of his head as I brought the plates over. "Oh my god, Ben, you _are_ legit! Why the hell are you doing - uh, warehouse work?"

"Steadier work and better money? I haven't exactly gone to school or anything. Besides, restaurant hours are hell."

"Yeah, but couldn't you like, be a personal chef or something? I mean look at this, it's beautiful!"

"You haven't even tasted it yet," I pointed out, bringing over the last plate for myself and joining them at the table."

"Well then, bon appetit," Daniel said with a smile, raising his fork.

I let myself watch them as they dug in, noting with satisfaction that my salmon was perfectly moist all the way through. John cut off a big chunk and scooped up some of the risotto with it, putting it in his mouth and going slack-jawed in amazement almost immediately. "Oh my fufing goff."

"John!" Daniel flushed darkly, elbowing him, and John immediately flushed as well, swallowing.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs - Elouise - please forgive my language - Jesus Christ, Ben, have you tasted this? When you said wasabi I thought it would eat my face off but the flavour is all like, subtle and nuanced and it's so creamy and shit! Dude, Larry would shit himself if he knew you could cook like this."

My mother, who had been quietly laughing throughout the whole exchange, glanced over at me curiously. "Larry?"

"Another coworker," I explained quickly, taking a bite of my food.

"My roommate," John said at the same time.

"He's the one that drove us up to Santa Barbara," Daniel added, chewing happily.

My father looked to Daniel. "I thought you two went up there for a school thing?"

"I have an aunt," John said quickly, as if that explained everything.

"Well, I think it's very nice that you're such good friends with your coworkers," my mother said, giving me a sweet smile across the table. "I'd like to meet more of your friends, Ben."

The thought of sitting Larry down with my family frankly terrified me. I focused on my food. "I'm not sure he'd be into it."

"He'd be totally into it," John replied, taking another bite. "Oh my god mushrooms."

I tried to keep myself from glaring at him. "Maybe sometime, then. Larry's busy."

"Aren't you all off work on Saturdays?" Daniel seemed impervious to my pointed look. "Maybe we could all have an evening picnic at the beach if you feel up to it, mama?"

"Mmm... we haven't been to the beach in a long time, have we? Do you think you could invite that nice May girl from school, Daniel?" My mother's smile was suddenly wistful, and I knew there was no way I could talk my way out of this with everyone ganging up on me.

"I'm sure May would love to join us."

"I'll put together a picnic," I muttered, shoving another piece of salmon in my mouth and feeling more annoyed that I wasn't even enjoying my own food.

"I'm sure we could buy something if it's too much - " Daniel stopped mid sentence at my glare.

"Don't insult me by suggesting that terrible supermarket potato salad," I said, forcing myself to smile. "I'll cook."

"Then I'll buy the ingredients," John declared, giving a little flourish with his fork with a mushroom still speared on the end. "Anything you want, my treat."

"Lobster and caviar," I replied smoothly, smirking at his sudden alarm, taking another bite of my fish and finally allowing myself to enjoy the flavour pallet I'd worked so hard to achieve.

After dinner John and Daniel tackled the dishes cheerfully as my father put away the food, and my mother and I sat together on the couch.

"It really was a lovely meal tonight," she said, curling up against my shoulder. "Thank you, Ben. I'm so happy to spend this time with you boys."

I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'm just happy to see you happy, mama."

She gave a soft hum, and was silent for a long moment. "Ben... do you remember the Hendersons?"

I tried to think back. "Yeah.. Julie and Josh, right? We used to play with them and have dinner when we were kids."

"The same. Adriana and I went to school together, we've kept in touch. They just moved back, her husband took a position with the Art Institute of California in their international culinary program. They have an interesting scholarship for potential students in cases like yours. You could apply."

I'd half expected her to start talking about school again, and I sighed, cuddling her closer. "I'm not going to sacrifice any time with you, mama."

"But you could still apply for next year, Ben. I'd really like to see you try."

"I'll think about it."

"Ben...."

"I will. I promise. Okay?"

"And you'll let me introduce you to her husband?"

I nodded slowly. "In a couple of weeks. I'm still.... trying to adjust to all of this."

Dinner had given me a lot to think about, and even more to worry about. I knew I should extend the invitation to dinner to Larry personally... but how could I even approach it? I'd barely spoken to him since Santa Barbara. What if he didn't even want to talk to me?

Pulling into our underground parking, I discovered John's flamboyant purple roadster already parked in my spot and stopped short. He was standing behind it, leaning back against the trunk, and started towards me as I stopped, rapping on my passenger side window.

Sighing, I unlocked the car, glaring at him as he got in. "You're in my spot."

"Daniel's just grabbing some clothes, I'll move in a minute. And I...." John took a deep breath. "I needed to talk to you."

I stared out the windshield, not making any attempt to hold back my frown now. "About the complete fiasco you and Daniel staged at dinner?"

"Um..." John's voice grew very small. "Yes."

"So talk."

John drew a deep breath. "You need to talk to Larry."

I looked over at him. "Just like we needed to share a bed in Santa Barbara?"

"Ben...."

"Don't. Look, I know you and Daniel have somehow gotten it into your heads that you know what's best for Lar and I, but you need to respect me and let me do things at my own pace."

"Your own pace? Ben you haven't even talked to him for a month!"

"Well in case you didn't notice, I kind of have a lot going on right now!"

John raised his chin, holding my gaze. "So does Daniel."

I felt my mouth tighten. "Yeah, well I'm not my brother."

"No. But Daniel says you're better." John's lips tightened, nostrils flaring for a moment. Then he took a deep, deliberate breath. "Look...just listen to me for a minute, I have to say this. Larry did something amazing for me once, when I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to do it for myself, he - he changed my life. People don't realize how hard it is to ask for help, but it is. So I'm doing this for him right now. Ben, he... he's crazy about you. It's not just an act on camera. And because of how he feels and how giving he is he's gonna do anything you ask him to regardless of how much it hurts him. I can't stand by and keep watching him get hurt like that. And I know I'm probably killing any chance I have of ever being with Daniel by saying this, but... if you won't at least _try_ to treat Larry like he deserves to be treated then stay the hell away from him!"

His words hurt, and for a moment all I wanted to do was lash out at him in anger. I gripped the steering wheel tightly instead, forcing myself to draw a long breath, then exhale. "Get out."

"Ben...."

"Look. I'll think about it okay? But get out."

John nodded, opening the car door and scooting out. "He doesn't have work tomorrow," he said quickly before closing the door.

His words left me in a far grumpier mood than dinner had, and I found myself glad that Daniel wasn't around to take the brunt of my anger. But I couldn't ignore the fact that I was only angry at myself because John was - as much as I didn't want to admit it - right.

Finally, after tossing and turning in bed for far too long, I texted Larry sometime around midnight. _'Hey. Sorry I've been so distant. I'd really like to talk to you. Can I come see you tomorrow?'_

 _'We should talk,'_ came the reply, _'I'll see you tomorrow.'_

It wasn't the most encouraging response, but it was enough, and I finally found sleep.

~~~

**Ben Carson**

 

I arrived at Larry's apartment building late the next morning. He buzzed me in without saying anything on the intercom, and as I took the elevator up to his floor I tried not to fidget with the plastic wrapped around the bouquet of white gerber daisies I'd picked up on the way over. I'd hoped they'd help smooth the conversation, but Larry just looked weary when he opened the door, the little worried lines between his eyebrows deepening as he looked me over.

"Hey," I said, feeling a little awkward. "Um. These are for you. Can I come in?"

He nodded, giving me a smile that seemed forced and taking the flowers. "Yeah. Thanks."

I followed him into his apartment, feeling even more awkward, watching him set the bouquet down on the counter then turn back to me, leaning back against it. "You wanted to talk?"

I nodded, stepping closer to him but stopping shy of touching him, resting a hand on the counter. I'd gone over the words so many times in my head, practiced everything I wanted to tell him, and still nothing seemed right. I love you. I need you. I'm sorry. "I wanted to apologize," I started, finally. "I haven't been handling things well, and I know that hasn't been fair to you. I want to do better."

Larry looked away from me, letting out a long breath. "I'll be honest... when you said you needed time I didn't expect that I wouldn't even hear from you."

"I know," I replied, feeling my stomach twist and clench. "I'm sorry, Lar. I know it's inexcusable."

He shook his head. "No, you have a pretty good reason."

"Can I still try and make it up to you?"

For a long moment Larry just looked at me, eyebrows knit, blue eyes conflicted. Then he looked away. "Ben, I... I think this was a bad idea."

I felt my heart drop. "What do you mean?"

I watched his generous lips purse tight as he folded his arms across his chest. "I mean... I thought I wanted a relationship, but now I just... I don't know."

I dared to step closer, resting a hand on his arm, encouraged when he didn't pull away. "Then let's start over. Okay? I know I've been shit. But Larry, I... I need you. I promise I'll do better."

He swallowed hard, tightening his grip on his arms. "I don't like the way I feel right now. I don't like feeling conflicted and insecure every time I think about you, I don't like second guessing everything I do. I used to feel so secure in myself and now I'm even jealous of fucking John, and I.... I don't want this!"

I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat, but could hardly manage a whisper. "I'm sorry. I never wanted -"

"I know," he said, and let out a long sigh. "I know. And I'm really sorry to put this on you now. If you decide to come back to work at some point then maybe we can try being friends again. Okay? Just... Don't think about me. Take care of your family."

I drew a shivering breath and nodded. "Okay. I guess I just... was hoping that maybe you could be part of that."

Larry's mouth twisted, his voice shaky. "Please stop."

"Larry, I swear I can do better, I'll do anything you want - "

"I really need you to respect my decision. Please."

I drew a deep breath, forcing myself to swallow down the tide of broken hearted agreements that wanted to spill past my lips. How could I even think about giving up on him? But this was what Larry wanted. I had to respect him enough to stop fighting. "Okay. Okay, I... guess I'll go then."

"I'm sorry," Larry said helplessly, but I shook my head, forcing a smile.

"No, no. I... it's what you want." I started back towards the door, forcing out each word. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"You too," came his soft reply, and the apartment door shut behind me with a terrible feeling of finality 

I took a few minutes to try and compose myself, forcing myself to breathe slow and deep, hoping it would stem the trembling, nauseous ache inside. I had to respect him. I forced myself to start for the elevator, going back to my car.

Friends. If I came back to work. Could I ever film with him again after this? Pretend that I wasn't in love with him like I knew I was? Would he ever even agree to costar with me in anything? I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes as the elevator descended, eyes burning. Could I even bring myself to touch him again, knowing that he'd been mine and I'd fucked it up? Could I bear _not_ to? 

I'd have to go back to work. I'd made a commitment. But suddenly the thought of doing so was worse than it had ever been before.

I climbed into my car and lit a cigarette with trembling fingers, staring blindly out the windshield as I drew a long drag. I couldn't help but replay our conversation in my head. But nothing I could have said or done would have changed things. I'd lost him long before I'd gotten here today.

Then my phone started to ring.

I pulled it out of my pocket, heart leaping in my chest at the sight of his name on the caller ID. "Larry?"

I heard a trembling breath on the other end of the phone. "Ben, I... I made a mistake. Can you come back?"

I barely managed to choke back a sob of relief, tossing the end of my cigarette out the window. "Yeah. I'm just outside. I'll be there in a second."

Larry buzzed me in. The elevator seemed to take forever, but as soon as I stepped out he was there, pulling me into his arms with a soft sob, trembling as he buried his face in my shoulder. "Don't go. It's not what I want. Please don't go."

"Never." I wrapped my arms around him tightly, like I'd wanted to do since I'd arrived, needing to fill the aching hole in my heart with his presence. I pressed a kiss to his hair. "Oh god, Lar, I'm so sorry...."

"I don't wanna break up," he whimpered, fingers digging into my back. "I didn't mean it. I wanna be with you. I'm sorry."

"Me too. Me too, sweetheart. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I promise I'll be better to you."

Larry nodded, pulling back and drawing the back of his hand across his eyes. "Come back inside?"

I let him lead me back into his apartment, then pulled him close, stroking my fingers up into his hair and pressing a kiss to his lips, sweet and trembling. "I really missed you. I'm so sorry I didn't call."

Larry have a small nod, arms tightening around my waist, his voice small. "Can you tell me why? Was it something I did...?"

"No. God, no. It's all me." I let out a long breath, sagging against him. "I fucked up. I'm so sorry."

Larry's breath was warm against my hair. "... explain it to me?"

"Yeah. I just...." I stroked my fingers through his hair as I tried to gather my thoughts. "Can we sit down?"

He nodded, taking me over to the couch. I cuddled into him, resting my chin on his shoulder and trying to take strength from the solid warmth of his body in my arms. "When my mother first got sick," I started slowly, "I told myself I couldn't think about myself anymore. I just had to do whatever was necessary to take care of the family. I started doing porn because it seemed selfish not to when I could make so much money. For a long time it was the only thing that got me through shooting, Lar, I... I really hated doing straight porn. But I wasn't doing for me, you know?"

He gave a little nod, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he listened. "Is that still how you feel?"

I let out a long sigh. "I... guess not? The first time we were together...." I stopped, thinking back to that day, to how nervous I'd been until I met him and how good I'd felt afterwards. "It was so different. Maybe it was because you let me kiss you or because you didn't let the director treat me like a hunk of meat or maybe because you were so fucking charming, Lar, but I... I felt good about myself for the first time in a really long time. I didn't have to... compartmentalize what I was doing anymore after that. Didn't have to focus as much on that sense of duty. And maybe that was just from working with the guys but I think it was finally having you to talk to about work, just feeling like someone finally had my back."

I reached up to stroke the backs of my fingers along his jaw, not trying to keep the huskiness out of my voice. "I thought so much about what it would be like to work with you again, and then Santa Barbara was so much better than everything I imagined...."

Larry nodded, turning his face just enough to press a kiss to my fingers. "Felt so good to be with you. On and off set."

I leaned in and kissed him gently, letting my mouth linger, taking comfort in the lush sweetness of his lips. "I want more of that. I've never stopped. I just... I got home and everything with my parents... I was so angry at them for giving up when I'd fought so hard, when I'd..." I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice calm and failing. "God, I've sacrificed so much, Lar, and it feels like it's all been for nothing. But I don't know what I'm going to do when she's gone!"

Larry leaned in to press a soft kiss to my forehead, urging me closer, and I gave in gladly, burying my face in the crook of his neck. The feel of his fingers in my hair was secure and grounding. "You've been carrying so much for so long," he said quietly, and I felt the warm press of his lips to my hair. "You don't have to do it alone anymore, Ben. I'll help you. We just have to take things one day at a time, okay?"

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not. I'm offering." Larry's fingers smoothed down the back of my neck. "I know it's a hard thing to accept. I've been there. But I... I really want to be there for you. I want to be in this with you. And maybe sometimes that means giving you your space, and I'll do my best. But I hope you'll try and lean on me sometimes instead of just hurting alone...."

I closed my eyes, taking his words in and trying to accept them. Could I let myself be so vulnerable? Could I trust that he'd still be there when things got bad? I let out a long breath, curling closer. I'd been willing to do anything to win him back. If all I had to do to keep him was trust him... then I'd learn how to do that. I pressed a soft kiss to his neck. "I can just curl up in your arms and hide from the world if I need to?"

Larry's arms tightened around me briefly, his voice husky. "I'd really like that, Ben."

I lifted my head to kiss him gently, stroking my fingers into his hair. "Come to the beach with us tomorrow afternoon. Mom would really like - I'd really like you to meet her."

He pulled back, eyebrows knit. "Your mother knows about me?"

I snorted. "Yeah. I mean, I haven't specifically told her about _us_ , but... you know Daniel and John."

Larry gave a soft laugh, closing his eyes for a moment. "Oh fuck, those two."

"They haven't done too bad with things," I admitted. "Lar... I meant it when I said I was hoping you could be... family. Please come meet them."

He drew a deep breath and nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll try. I... I haven't had family in a long time, either."

"You've done okay with John," I replied, which made him laugh.

"Never really thought of it that way... but I guess he is kind of like the hot bratty brother I never had." Larry moved his hand to rest on my shoulder, stroking the side of my neck. "But you have to let me take care of you too, okay?"

I nodded, leaning in to kiss him again, losing myself to his warmth and letting myself finally feel like things could work out between us. "Don't ever feel insecure about us," I murmured against his lips. "I'm madly in love with you."

He drew a trembling breath against my mouth, pulling me closer. "Me too, Ben."

~~~

 

**Epilogue**

Ben Carson

Waking up late in the morning with no immediate commitments was a decadent rarity, and I took a moment to enjoy it, curling closer to my boyfriend's beautiful naked body. When he didn't stir, I decided to enjoy it in an even nicer fashion, sliding down under the covers to lavish attention on his cock.

Larry gave a little sleepy, interested noise a few minutes later, moving one of his hands to stroke through my hair. "Mmm... insatiable."

"Can't help it if I'm addicted to your cock," I murmured, drawing another lick up the length of his hardening shaft before taking him in my mouth.

I felt Larry shift underneath me, arching into the stimulation as I let his cock slide across my tongue again and again. "Even though we're filming together this afternoon?"

"Mmhmm," I murmured, relaxing my throat and groaning around him as I swallowed him to the hilt.

"Oh fuck...." Larry drew a sharp hiss through his teeth, fingers tightening in my hair. "You're too fucking good at that.... let me blow you for a bit before I come too fast."

I pulled away from him, mock pouting as I pressed a kiss to the head of his cock. Then I let him pull me up into his kisses, licking past the inviting lushness of his lips. As we kissed I shifted to straddle him, letting his cock press between the cheeks of my ass and wiggling against him invitingly. Larry chuckled into my mouth, low and appreciative, his hands sliding over my hips to cup and clench my ass. "Someone's feeling slutty this morning."

I echoed his soft laugh, rolling my hips against him and drawing a soft hiss as he rocked up against me. "Wanna ride you."

Larry grinned against my mouth. "After all the sex we had last night? You whore."

"Are you saying you don't want to fuck me?"

Moments later I found myself flipped onto my back, pinned down under him as he ravished my mouth with kisses. He stroked a hand down my stomach to caress my erection, rolling my balls in his fingers for a moment before finally stroking further back to tease my asshole. I groped for the lube on the bedside table. "Come on, Lar...."

"My impatient darling...." Larry's words were an appreciative purr against my mouth as he slicked his fingers, starting to work them inside me, and I sighed and tried to relax into the intensity of sensation. It had taken me some time to work up to asking him to fuck me, and even now the experience was so intense that I had to be in the right headspace for it. But now seemed like the perfect time - warm and safe and lazy in bed with him, the late morning sun streaming through the blinds.

I bit my lip on a moan as I pressed back against his fingers. "Mmm, like that...."

"Yeah?" Larry lavished slow kisses along my jaw as he pumped his fingers in me slowly, just lightly teasing against my prostate and making a little approving noise at the shiver it sent through me. "So gorgeous, Ben...."

"Feels so good," I breathed, breath catching as his fingers expertly worked another shiver from me. "God I want you inside me...."

"Soon," Larry purred, nibbling and sucking at my earlobe as he pressed another finger into me. "You know... you could make nice bonus if you let me fuck you on set... take a dent out of that student loan of yours."

I drew a sharp breath, trying to keep my hips from bucking as he twisted his fingers inside me. "Yeah, but... then Alan would want all the guys all over my hot ass...."

He chuckled, nuzzling my hair. "But you're such a little slut for my cock... sure you don't want anyone else to fuck you?"

"You know I don't."

"You sure? Just think about Morgan's huge black cock...."

I clenched down around his fingers just at the thought of it, and he laughed, moving back to kiss me. "Okay, okay. No big black dicks."

"Just you," I pressed, nipping at his bottom lip. "But not on film. Not yet. Need to keep an ace up my sleeve next for when I need to ask for time off for practicum. Now fuck me."

"Thought you said you wanted to ride me?" Larry eased his fingers away and sprawled on his back on the bed, slicking his cock and stroking himself slowly. "Or is that ass of yours getting soft, sitting in lectures all day?"

"You know very well I never get to fucking sit down," I shot back, moving to straddle him anyway, wrapping a hand around the base of his cock. "And this ass is not getting soft."

Bracing my free hand on his chest, I started to rock onto him slowly, drawing a sharp breath as my body stretched around the thick head of his cock. Larry's hands cupped my ass cheeks, pulling them apart as I slowly sank down onto him. "Oh god you're right... not at all soft, fuck Ben, you're so tight...."

I bit my lip on a groan as I started to rock on him slowly, chasing pleasure as my body adjusted to the penetration, slowly pushing him deeper. Larry always let me take my time with this, slowly rocking and grinding against him, thighs tensing as I began to rock a little harder on him. "Oh god yes...."

"This what you needed, sweetheart?" Larry stroked over my hips and thighs, encouraging me, rocking a little under me as I nodded. "God, Ben... love seeing you like this...."

I smiled, leaning in to brush a kiss against his mouth, then kissing him longer, sucking hungrily at his lips. I gave a soft cry as he pulled his knees up, bracing himself on the bed and rocking up into me a little harder. "Oh!"

"Mmhmm?" Larry's fingers tightened on my hips, encouraging me to rock as he met my thrusts. "Just wanted to ride me hard, love? Love watching you fuck yourself on my cock...."

"Jesus Christ, Lar..." I pushed myself up to grind back harder against him, crying out as we came together just right, the press of his cock against my prostate sending a flood of sensation through me that was almost overwhelmingly intense. "You dirty whore."

"Me?" Larry laughed breathlessly, meeting each roll of my hips with a hard snap of his own. "You're the one who's gagging for my cock when he's barely even awake."

"And you love every moment of it," I growled, fingers digging into his shoulders as I braced myself against his chest. "Oh god, Lar, fuck me...."

My words fell to breathless cries as my lover took full control, fucking up into me hard and deep. Each thrust sent a hot flood of sensation through me, and his gasped encouragements only heightened my pleasure. "Fuck you so good, lover... gonna make you come on my cock, gonna fill your tight little ass up with my come - "

I wrapped a hand around the base of my cock with a desperate cry, riding the edge of climax and wanting to cling to the delicious agony of pleasure for a few more minutes. Larry seemed to take that as a challenge, picking up the pace, hips smacking against my ass. "Come on sweetheart," he growled, "come all over me - "

"Fuck - !" I cried out as he drove me over the edge, clenching around the thick girth of his cock as sensation shuddered through me, overwhelming me completely to everything but the beautiful man under me.

Curling with him afterwards, we traded kisses in lazy, sated abandon, not caring about anything but each other. "Love you so much," he murmured against my lips, the words still sending a soft shiver of joy and wonder through me

Finally Larry pulled back to look at me, fingers stroking slow circles over my ribs as he cuddled close. "It's almost October."

I found myself smiling. "That means you've been stuck with me for almost a year."

"Oh stop that." Larry leaned in to kiss me, nipping at my bottom lip. "Just thinking it would be nice to celebrate. Go out for dinner... maybe get one of those hotel suites with the jaccuzzi tub...."

"Mmmm...." I cuddled closer to him. "I could plan a dinner here. Light some candles...."

He shook his head. "Let me take you out somewhere nice. You're going to be cooking all the time. Let me treat you."

I frowned. "I can do something just as good here for a fraction of the cost. Save your money. You're gonna be a broke ass student again soon enough, you know."

Larry shrugged. "Eh, eventually. I'm in no rush to have to start using my brain for a living. Anyway if we go out we don't have to deal with the kids."

As if on queue, my twin banged on the bedroom door. "If you two don't stop fucking and get out here John's gonna eat all the bacon!"

"They can make their own goddamn bacon!" came the indignant reply.

I glanced at Larry. "You win."

By the time we were out of the shower and dressed Daniel was frying more bacon for us. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and pressed a kiss to his hair. "Thanks, _liebling_."

He smiled, turning just enough to kiss my cheek, and I took a moment to enjoy our closeness. When he'd first suggested all living together I'd been worried that it wouldn't work out, but things seemed to be going fairly well so far. We'd reached the point where Daniel and I were at their apartment almost more than we were at our own, anyway, and when I made the decision to apply for the Art Institute it only made sense to cut down on unnecessary expenses. We'd managed to get a slightly bigger unit in Larry's building with a second bathroom - thank god - and a small den for studying. 

I knew that this wouldn't be forever. But for now it was perfect.

"What's your schedule like tomorrow?" Daniel asked as Larry and I chowed down, sitting with us and sipping a cup of tea.

"Just photos in the morning." I'd managed to come to an arrangement with Alan - a more intensive shooting schedule over the summer and during breaks in exchange for going down to one shoot a week during the school year. "Why?"

Daniel glanced down at his mug. "Dad thought maybe we could drive up to Forest Lawn and visit mom before dinner."

I put down my utensils and reached out to cover his hand with mine, squeezing gently. "Of course I'll come."

Daniel managed a small, sad smile. "She'd have been so happy to see you back in school, Ben."

I nodded, remembering how she'd smiled when I'd decided to apply. It hadn't been certain that I'd get in, but she'd had every faith in me. Even now it wasn't certain where this path would take me, despite my initial success in my classes. The industry was tough, and I'd have to really excel to find a career that didn't take over my entire life. But the uncertainty didn't frighten me anymore. I had filming to fall back on if I had to. And no matter what, I had my family.

"I know," I said, and believed it.

~~~ Finish ~~~


	8. Epilogue - Daniel Makes a Porno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Dick Grayson gets rammed hard by hot identical twins (hunky Dynamic regular Benedick Speers and his actual twin, hot newcomer Daniel) before taking both their two huge cocks at once like the star he is, proving again why this green-eyed beauty is one of our favorites to watch get DP’d.” – GayDoubleFuck.com_
> 
>  
> 
> In which Daniel covinces his twin to star in his first porn with him, and it all downgrades to the hot steamy taboo of twincest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If twincest isn't your thing, just pretend it all ended happily ever after at the end of Chapter 7.)

"Bennnn....." It was always hit or miss as to whether getting my twin drunk would make him more or less malleable. But I'd kept watch on him throughout the evening as we'd watched movies that got progressively more cheesy and as we got progressively drunker. Ben was in a good place right now - his first semester of school finished with good grades, summer break ahead of him, surrounded by friends and loved ones.

Ben held his arm out as I tipped over to the other side of the couch to cuddle into him, wrapping it around me. "Drunk, _liebling_?"

"No more than usual," I replied, and pressed a kiss to his cheek before settling my head on his shoulder. "I wanna film with you."

Ben chuckled, low and easy, kissing my hair. "Now I know you're drunk."

"That's a completely unrelated factor." I twisted in his arms so I could look up at him without lifting my head off his shoulder. "I still wanna make porn with you when I'm sober. We'd be so hot...."

I watched my twin's lips quirk into a bemused smile. "No."

"What do you mean no?" I pouted at him. "Are you saying I'm not hot?"

"Of course you're hot, I meant - "

"Then you're also hot and we should make porn."

Ben shook his head, kissing my forehead. "John, take your drunk boyfriend to bed."

"I think he's doing just fine," John replied, though he said it around a mouthful of popcorn and was only half intelligible.

Sprawled on the floor in front of Ben, Larry gave a very nefarious sounding chuckle, and got poked by my brother in return. "You're not allowed to be on their side."

"Why not?" Larry turned back to grin up at us charmingly. "You should do it, it'd be epic. John and I'll be in the spectator section trying not to jizz in our pants. I'm jealous, you know. I'll never get twin sex on my CV."

"I'm not having sex with my brother!"

"Oh god no," I assured him. "Just, you know. Flirt a bit for the camera, get naked and jerk off. Or jerk each other off."

"Oh. Well - wait. No!"

I twisted in his embrace again, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning in to nuzzle his ear, dropping my voice. "But aren't you curious? I am. John says you're amazing to film with...."

Ben gave a low, weary sounding groan. "Why are you talking to your boyfriend about him and I having sex?"

"Because it's hot. Why wouldn't I?" I stroked one hand along his chest teasingly. "Just think about it, _mein herz_...."

Ben placed a soft, deliberate peck to my lips before easing me away from him. "Go to bed, _liebling_."

All I'd wanted was to introduce the topic again, so I smiled and leaned back against John, taking the popcorn bowl from him and kissing him warmly. "Let's go talk about it more in bed."

John gave an appreciative noise against my mouth. "Love it when you're kinky."

As we left I heard Larry laugh behind us, and my brother groan. "God, those two."

I brought it up again a few days later, sitting crosslegged on a kitchen chair munching on raisin bran. "So I was thinking we could double-promote. Host the pay-per-view on Dynamic's website, obviously, but cross-promote it on Perfect Strangers. Maybe even a signup special. I'm sure Lester would agree if he got a percentage of the profits. Whatever, Alan can negotiate it. Then I'll show you off on cam a few times to drum up more interest from my viewers...."

Eyebrows knitting together, Ben swallowed the mouthful of cereal he was chewing and took a swig of coffee. "Daniel, what the hell are you talking about?"

I smiled wide. "Filming porn together."

"Oh fuck." Ben ran a hand over his face. " _Liebling_ , I just woke up. Talk to me later."

"So you'll do it with me?"

"Talk to me later," he repeated, and disappeared into his coffee mug.

John and Larry were both gone that day on a modelling shoot, and while I had signed up for a few self-directed courses over the summer, my light course load gave me a lot of time to contemplate my mission. I broached the idea again when Ben was making sandwiches for lunch in the kitchen, pressing against his back and wrapping my arms around his waist. "So... you're going to film with me?"

Ben sighed, putting the butter knife he was holding back in the mayo and turning in my arms to look at me. "I just don't want... _liebling_ , you're my _twin_. You don't think things will be awkward afterwards?"

"Not with you. Never with you. Do you think you'll be awkward?"

He hesitated, then glanced away. "I - no. I mean, I don't think so, but it's not like you can really know for sure before it happens, and afterwards there's no going back."

"That's true, but...." I wet my lips, steadying myself to play my ace. "It's not like we'd be going into this completely unknowing, Ben...."

Ben swallowed, watching me carefully. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you've come into my work before, and I know you still have my employee account login saved on your laptop. Haven't you watched me work since then?"

I felt his body grow still and tense in my arms, and he looked away. "Daniel...."

I let myself press closer, lowering my voice. "Besides, love... we shared a bedroom for most of our lives... you can't tell me you've never heard me pleasuring myself. I've heard you."

Ben let out a soft, shivering breath. "That's different."

"Is it?" I let my lips rest against his jaw. "I could have done it when you weren't around. I could have just jerked off in the shower. But maybe I liked the idea that you might be able to hear me."

Ben's fingers tightened on the small of my back, digging into my skin. "Daniel...."

"I've also learned that it's extremely common for twins to be curious about each other's sexual natures," I murmured, sliding my fingers up to stroke the back of his neck. "Didn't you ever wonder why I was always so confident about being gay? If you're worried about what I might think of you, _mein herz_ , I can confidently guarantee that I've had far more inappropriate thoughts about _you_ than you ever could about me."

"Maybe it's natural for twins to have these thoughts about each other as children," Ben said softly, pulling back and searching my gaze, "but should they really be having them as adults?"

"I - " For the first time I was struck with a sudden shock of uncertainty, and I felt my stomach twist. Had I gotten this wrong? Had I really gotten him wrong?

Ben must have seen my angst in my expression, because his gaze suddenly grew more tender. He lifted a hand to stroke my cheek gently. "I'm not saying no," he said quietly. "I just want you to be sure, really sure that you want to go down this path. This isn't about money for me, I don't give a fuck about that. If you just want to try filming and you want to film with John, I don't mind. But I don't ever want anything to come between us. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you."

I felt myself relax at his words, and smiled. "I know. Ben... if I thought there was any risk of that I would never have asked. You know that, right?"

He drew a slow breath, then nodded. "I trust you."

I stroked my fingers up into the back of his hair, watching him carefully as I spoke. "Ben, I.... I don't want to explore this with anyone but you. If you want me to drop it I will. But... I know it won't change anything between us. If anything... perhaps we'll be closer."

For a moment Ben just looked at me, fingers stroking slow along the site of my cheek. Then he leaned in, fingers tightening slightly on my jaw to hold me in place as he pressed his lips to mine, slow and warm. His kiss had intent, and felt immediately different than the innocent pecks we'd shared since we were children. Ben's lips parted against mine, tongue caressing my lower lip briefly, and I drew a sharp breath against his lips, a spike of arousal shooting through me that wasn't completely unanticipated.

When Ben's mouth pulled from mine I wanted nothing more than to chase it, but I stayed frozen, caught between propriety and uncertain desire. Ben's fingers smoothed through my hair, and he placed a soft kiss to my forehead. "Do you still want to make out with me on camera?"

I swallowed hard. "I think on camera will be the only way I can excuse myself for making out with you."

"Okay. I need to talk to Larry, but assuming he's still okay with it, if you still feel this way tomorrow I'll call my agent." Ben's arms tightened briefly around me. Then he released me and turned back to the sandwiches.

~~~

"A percentage of the profits?" Ben's agent stared at me across the desk, well-manicured eyebrows raising. But he seemed more amused than indignant. "You're quite the little entrepreneur, aren't you? All right. Give me your pitch. Why are my bosses going to agree to take a hit on our margin - above the extravagant appearance fee you've asked for and what we're likely going to have to cut to your site?"

I shook my head. "The collaboration with Perfect Strangers is a marketing campaign. Of course they get a cut of the pay-per-view, but you offer a signup bonus alongside it - say, twenty percent off a monthly site subscription or thirty for three. Even if you're cutting in me and my site on the initial purchase, the recurring revenue will give you your ROI in no time."

Alan looked more amused at my words - or was it impressed? "Assuming we get signups."

"You'll get signups." I pulled a folder out of my bag and handed it across the desk to him. "My stats. My weekly unique hit count is better than anyone else I work with. And the repeat hits. More importantly, the average length of stay on my channel is over thirteen minutes."

Alan steepled his fingers in front of his mouth, but was smiling behind them. "And the significance?"

"The average man comes in three to five. My customers stay because they like me. They're personally invested. I've built a relationship. You're selling a product to an audience already qualified and targeted. That's an ideal campaign."

"You've thought about this a lot," Ben said, both impressed and surprised, and that accomplishment warmed me to the tips of my toes.

"I agree that it sounds very equitable," Alan agreed, still watching me. "Anything else?"

"Two percent of DVD and blu-ray sales. With a $20 optional autograph add-on. We'll get 80% of that."

Ben stared at me. "You think people will pay for autographs?"

"My regulars will."

Alan shook his head. "They won't press a single scene in hard copy, the costs are too high."

"It won't just be a single scene, we do a series. Little rich boys, pure twin/slutty twin scenario. First Ben fucks his hot ginger friend by the pool while I secretly watch from inside and jerk off. Then Ben catches me watching him shower and we do a shower scene. Then we spitroast the pool boy. Maybe we DP him, whatever, John's up for anything. We end with Ben and I in bed and he fucks me with a really big dildo. You release each scene on a weekly or bi-weekly schedule and you're guaranteed to get those subscriptions. Add some bonus material to the DVD. Maybe the option for the other two to autograph it for an additional twenty bucks."

Ben watched me with open amazement throughout this. "Jesus Christ, Daniel. How long have you been planning this?"

"A while," I admitted, feeling a flush heat my ears. "I live with three porn stars, can you blame me? But you're good with it, right?"

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

I held his gaze and tried to keep the huskiness out of my voice. "Definitely."

"I like it," Alan declared. "And I like you. I'm confident I can negotiate what you've asked for. I'll get one of our writers started on the script." He smirked at me. "Unless you have that too?"

"I hadn't gotten quite that far," I admitted, feeling the flush move to my cheeks.

"You aren't worried this will hurt your regular income?" Ben asked me as we left the office, his hand on my back. "If your regulars can just watch hardcore whenever they want?"

I shrugged. "I don't think it will have that much of an impact. It's not the same as live personal interaction. In any case, I'm cutting my hours in the fall, I need to focus on finishing my masters. Though I'm thinking I might take a few electives and specialize in sex therapy."

"Sex therapy?" Ben snorted. "After working in the industry?"

"That's what makes me uniquely qualified," I replied with a smile, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. "Besides, after all of this doing regular therapy's going to be _boring_."

~~~

 

We booked filming at the end of the week - Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and the weekend for anything we hadn't finished by then. I was fairly sure that we could film more than one scene in a day, but Ben insisted on stretching it out. "No need to rush things. We'll film better if we don't have to force things."

I wet my lips, watching his eyes dart to my mouth. "I don't think I'll have to force anything with you."

"Flirt," he murmured, lifting a hand to brush my lips lightly with one finger. "Is John being a good teacher?"

John had been given two things to teach me: how to fake passion, and orgasm denial. I didn't need any help with the first. "John has applied himself in a fervent and dedicated manner." I couldn't hold back a giggle. "I think I'll be able to handle myself at the shoot."

Ben came into work with me during peak hours on Tuesday evening, sitting on the other half of the bed and letting me pull him into the shot of the webcam that I had clamped down on the footboard. "Some of you remember Ben, right? This is my hot brother - we're twins, obviously. Identical. Except Ben works out a lot." I laughed, light and breathless and full of a shy excitement that I didn't have to fake, wrapping an arm around Ben's shoulders and cuddling up against his side. "Wanna say hi?"

I caught my brother's brief glance over my naked form. Then he smiled at the camera and lifted his hand. "Uh, hey Daniel's friends."

I laughed again, resting my cheek on his shoulder. "So Ben's here to help me with that announcement I've been hinting at for a couple weeks," I started, feeling the butterflies flutter faster in the pit of my stomach. Satisfyingly, it looked like I'd been able to pull the traffic I was aiming for - my stream was nearly bursting. "My twin's super hot, isn't he? You guys should see his abs, oh my god. Ben, lift up your shirt."

He laughed. "What?"

I turned into him and smoothed a hand down his chest, slowly pulling the material up over his stomach. "You have to show off your abs, they're amazing. Ben's got the most amazing body. Mmm. Washboard abs...." I let my fingers trail down his midline as I released the fabric, stroking over his bellybutton and along the line of his jeans and feeling a warm wave of satisfaction at the way he shivered under my touch. "Ben, tell them what you do for a living."

Ben wet his lips, looking at me before turning back to the camera. "I make porn for Dynamic Entertainment."

"Ben makes gay porn," I agreed, giving the camera a wide grin and wiggling a little on the bed. "And the reason I'm gone for the rest of the week is... Ben's going to help me make my first film."

The chat room was busy enough that random inane comments had been ticking by steadily throughout, but it exploded now. I leaned closer to my laptop to read them, laughing as I quickly scanned the flood. "Oh, you guys really like the idea of that, don't you? Seeing me get all naughty on camera in HD with my twin? Don't worry, I'm not leaving Perfect Strangers, I'm still going to be full time here. I just wanted to... you know, see what my brother's world is like. Have a little bit of fun and make something that you guys can keep in your spank bank for those 3am wanks, you know?" I cranked the coyness to full, feeling a flush of colour my cheeks that I didn't have to fake, smiling at the camera, chewing on my bottom lip as more messages came in.

_'Do we get a fan club discount, sweetheart?'_

_'Wanna give us a free preview right now?'_

_'dos abs r almost as hot as ur tight little ass'_

_'MAKE OUT WITH YOUR HOT BROTHER!!!111!11'_

_'u 2 gonna fuck?'_

Just discussing it was thrilling. "Okay to answer some of your questions - yes, you guys totally get a discount, I insisted on it. In fact, it's live now, so if you want to use it to check out some of the hot films Ben's already made you can just click the "Dynamic signup special" button that's down the bottom of the page, okay? And then search for "Benedick Speers". They're super hot, I've definitely jerked off to some of them."

"Daniel!"

"What?" I turned into Ben and gave him a wide smile, wrapping my arms around him. "Can you blame me? You're soooo hot."

"You're so dirty," he replied, chuckling and leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"Of course I am. I'm your twin." I pressed a brief, laughing kiss to his lips, lingering for a moment before forcing myself back to the chat screen. "Okay, um - so we're gonna do a series of four scenes together, released every other Wednesday, so there'll be lots of stuff for you guys to watch. The release schedule is posted for you when you click that discount link. And no, Ben can't actually fuck my ass 'cause that's still illegal, but... there's a hell of a lot of other fun things we can do, right?"

"So dirty," I heard my brother murmur again, shaking his head.

I kept my attention on the chat. "You want me to tell you about it? But that would ruin the surprise! Well, okay... I'll give you a choice. I can tell you a little bit, or... Ben and I can give you a sneak preview right now. And I'll even make him take off his shirt."

_'preview preview preview preview'_

_'MY DICK IS SO HARD'_

_'just bone already you're totally gagging for it'_

_'HE WANTS THE D'_

_'Sweetheart, I will tip you a hundred dollars right now if you take off his shirt and lick those abs for me.'_

I'd learned early on that the number one rule to cam success was to always respond to the money. And I knew this regular always made good on his promise. I gave the camera a coy smile. "Oh, Mr. Darcy, you're always so good to me. I think we can do that for you."

Turning back to Ben, I slowly pulled the hem of his t-shirt up his chest, holding his gaze and smiling. "He wants me to lick your abs."

There was an intensity to Ben's gaze that made the nervous desire in my stomach churn faster. He let me pull his shirt off over his head. "Do you want to lick my abs?"

"I really want to lick your abs," I replied, not even trying to keep the huskiness out of my voice, smiling at the shiver that ran through him. Then I shifted back on the bed, angling to the camera out of habit as I went down on my elbows to nuzzle his stomach.

"Daniel..." I felt Ben's fingers smooth through my hair, heard his sharp gasp as I licked a slow stripe up his stomach. "Oh fuck...."

I let myself indulge, lavishing attention on his stomach with licks and open mouthed kisses, tracing the tip of my tongue around his belly button. Doing this felt more thrilling than anything I'd done on cam in a very long time, and hearing Ben moan only made me want more. But when I started to kiss down toward the button of his jeans his fingers tightened in my hair, pulling me back.

"If you keep doing that you're gonna get me all hot and bothered," he said, voice low and throaty.

I sat up, breathless with want and making no effort to hide the fact that I was half hard. The last thing I wanted to do was stop. "Oh? And what would you do to me if I did?"

Ben gave a soft growl and surged forward to claim my lips, hard and demanding and with none of the restraint he'd showed last time he kissed me. I whimpered against his mouth, lips parting to him immediately, letting him taste and claim me, losing myself in the taste of his mouth and the press of his tongue. When Ben slid a hand up my thigh I gave a soft cry against his lips, hips arching up into the touch instinctively. Part of me wanted to beg him to touch me, and the strength of my body's reaction made me feel aroused and ashamed all at once. The fact that he wouldn't quite touch me was almost more intense than my desire, and his hand felt like a brand on the inside of my thigh, stroking and rubbing over my skin and just stopping short of my now-erect cock.

Ben was breathless when he pulled from my lips, his smile dark at my whimper of loss. "Was that enough of a preview?"

No, I wanted to say, but bit my tongue, trying to catch my breath. "I think that was perfect," I made myself reply, giving a soft, shy laugh. "But I think I'm going to have to put on a show for my darlings now...." I bit my lip as I slowly wrapped my fingers around the base of my cock, looking up at him through my eyelashes. "Do you want to stay and watch?"

The slow drag of Ben's gaze down my body had enough heat that I could almost feel it. "I think we'd better save that for film... as much as I want to." He pressed his lips to mine again, far more gently than I wanted him to, then nuzzled my ear away from the camera, voice soft and low. "Love you, _liebling_."

"I'll be thinking of you," I said truthfully as he pulled back, shivering at the dark flash in his eyes.

"I know you will," he replied, pressing his thumb to my lips briefly before picking up his t-shirt and making a speedy exit from my little suite.

I flopped back on the bed with a low groan, stroking my hand up the length of my erection slowly and fighting the urge to fuck up into my hand hard and fast. When I glanced back at the laptop I noted with smug satisfaction that my tip jar was as insane as the stream of encouragements that had come in over chat. "God. I hope you guys are at least as hard as I am right now, because I really, really need to fuck myself after that."

****

 

We'd agreed early on to film - and release - the shower scene first, and by the time John and I left for the studio the next morning I was faintly vibrating with both nervousness and anticipation. We arrived a little before Ben and Larry, and John's hand was warm and reassuring in mine as he took me down to the wet stage on the bottom level. It had obviously once been some kind of gym locker room with showers, but for the shoot they'd built a set around the corner shower to make it look like a fancy residential bathroom.

"One of my first shoots was down here," John remarked conversationally as I took it all in. "That was before they upgraded the hot water tank. We ran out half-way through and god, that put an end to things real quickly. You won't have that problem today, don't worry."

I shivered at the thought, following him into a small room that I thought might have once been a storage room but now was set up quite comfortably, with a floor lamp, makeup table, clothes rack and a bookcase of various sex paraphernalia. John pulled a white dress shirt and cotton summer pants off the clothes rack and draped them over a chair. "Want me to help you change, love?"

The familiarity of his suggestion relieved me, and I nodded, tilting my face up into his soft kisses. "I'm really happy you came with me."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he purred. "Besides, if I'd stayed home I'd have just wanked myself raw thinking about it all day. And imagining getting fucked on Friday."

John's enthusiasm was even more reassuring, and I laughed against his lips, shrugging out of my shirt as he undid my pants. "You sure you can handle both of us at once?"

John bit his lip on an appreciative moan. "Mmph. Darling, I was born to take both your gorgeous huge cocks at once. You know how hard it makes me to think of you two together. Getting in on it? Fuck yes." He tossed me a plastic-wrapped package of tighty whities as I stepped out of my slacks and boxers, then pressed a kiss to my hair. "You excited?"

I let out a long breath and nodded. "Yeah. A little nervous."

"Just channel that. You'll be fine." He kissed me again, softly. "I'll be nearby the whole time. I'll hang onto some Viagra in case you decide you want it." He grinned suddenly. "I promise I won't have my hand down my pants the entire time."

"Maybe down Larry's pants some of the time?" I teased.

"Hmm. Now, that's an idea...."

When we went out Ben was already talking to the director and Alan, wearing nothing but a white hotel robe. He caught sight of us and came to meet us, wrapping an arm around my waist and kissing my hair. "You still good for this?" He asked softly, and I nodded, suddenly wanting to get started as soon as possible.

He smiled, squeezing me gently. "All right. Daniel, this is Marcus, our director. I've worked for him a lot. You might have seen him up in Santa Barbara, he directed Boywatch?"

I nodded, smiling, and extended my hand. "Pleased to meet you again."

He did seem familiar, but more importantly he seemed personable, slight smile lines crinkling at the corners of dark brown eyes as he shook my hand. "I remember Daniel. Glad you decided to come film with us, sweetheart. You two are going to be amazing together. Let's get started, shall we?"

Ben seemed completely comfortable in the space, taking off his robe and getting into the shower for some establishing shots. Even with the set, we could easily see him around the cameras, and having so many people around - the director, camera operators, the woman holding the boom mic, the others who - I didn't even know what they did - was a little disconcerting. Larry moved to stand on my other side, as if sensing my discomfort. "It won't seem so overwhelming once you're in there," he remarked, his smile kind, reassuring. "The director will stop you when he needs to, but just focus on Ben. He's the only one that matters. He'll take care of you."

Of course he would. The thought settled my nervousness into a warm certainty in my core. I smiled, arching up on my tiptoes on impulse to press a kiss to Larry's cheek. "Thank you."

He grinned, giving me a wink. "You'll be great."

Then I was on set, settling into the familiarity of the script. Walking casually past the cracked open door to the bathroom then stopping, letting my expression reflect my thoughts as I contemplated peeking on my brother's toned, naked body in the shower. Backtracking, slowly easing the door open wider until I - and the camera focused tight over my shoulder - could watch Ben showering in the mirror..

Ben was stroking suds over his body, movements slow and deliberate, splayed fingers stroking over his hip and down one thigh, past his half-hard cock. I didn't have to fake interest. Ben had always been the more physically active of the two of us, especially after he started working at the warehouse, but when he'd started doing porn he'd dedicated himself to a fitness regimen that had kept his body perfectly toned, with just the right amount of muscle. Perhaps I ought to have felt self-conscious of my own body; I had basic fitness habits that I kept to partly because I had customers who liked to watch me work out on cam, but naked I'd look much slighter, almost scrawny next to my brother. But the idea of that difference with our same-ness had always been one of the things that had made me most curious about exploring this with him.

I gave a low, appreciative moan under my breath, catching my bottom lip between my teeth and letting it pull free in a coy move I'd practiced in front of the webcam a hundred times. I stroked a hand down my body as I did, cupping my cock through the thin cotton slacks and palming myself.

In the mirror, I watched Ben's fingers curl around his cock, stroking himself slowly from root to tip. Then his reflection turned his gaze towards me, dark and undeniably sultry. "You can come in for a better view, you know."

After a second of frozen hesitation, I pushed the bathroom door open completely and stepped inside. "I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to peek - "

"It's all right." Ben lounged back against the tile wall casually, still stroking himself slowly. "I know you watch me all the time."

It was easy to channel my earlier nervousness into flustered desire. "I'm sorry, I - I was just curious - "

“I don't mind. Do you like what you see?"

I wet my lips and let my gaze move down the length of his wet body. "Very much so. We're supposed to be the same, but you're so ripped...."

"We're not that different," Ben replied with a smile, taking a casual, sauntering step towards me. "Come here. I'll show you."

I moved closer, only to have him reach out and catch my wrist, pulling me under the warm stream of the shower. "Ben! My clothes - "

"They'll dry," he replied, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me into a blistering kiss.

The sensation of the warm shower water soaking through the cotton of my outfit was strange, but as soon as Ben claimed my lips his kisses were all I could think about. I arched against him with a soft whimper, lips parting to his, sucking at his lips and tongue and gasping for breath against his kisses. The feel of Ben's slick skin under my fingers was intoxicating, and I stroked my hands over his chest and shoulders hungrily, wanting to touch and feel everything I'd been looking at and thinking about for so long. I almost forgot about angling to the camera, but Ben's arm around my waist held me in place, his fingers digging into my hip, hard and possessive.

When he pulled back I whimpered despite myself, chasing his lips. Ben pressed a soft peck to my mouth, his chuckle warm. "See? Our mouths are still the same."

"Maybe we should make sure?" I caught his bottom lip between mine, sucking and nibbling on it, groaning as Ben stroked one hand over my chest through the sodden, now-transparent white dress shirt.

"I think if we get you out of these wet things we can compare more than just our mouths," Ben purred, and started to kiss down my neck as he went to work on the buttons of my shirt.

Showers were familiar. I knew how to arch under the spray of the water, letting it cascade over my shoulders and chest, stroking my fingers through Ben's wet hair and down his back. His teeth nipped at the crook of my neck, mouth pressing hot, wet kisses to my skin. Then he gave a little impatient growl, ripping the last few buttons of my shirt undone, and I felt my cock jerk against the constraints of my wet slacks. "Oh god!"

"You like that, hm?" Ben kissed along my jaw as he pulled my shirt off my arms and let it drop to the tiles. "You like when your big strong twin is forceful with you?"

"I - a little bit - " I stammered, crying out as he pushed me back against the tile. Ben caught my hands in his, pressing them against the tile on either side of my shoulders and claiming my mouth again.

"Just a little bit?" he returned, rolling his hips against mine deliberately, sending a flood of sensation through me. I arched up against him with a desperate moan, fingers twining with his. Ben gave another slow thrust against me, sucking and nipping at my bottom lip. "Do you want me to stop then, if you only like it a little bit?"

"Don't stop," I gasped immediately, arching up against him. "Oh god, please don't stop...."

Ben claimed my mouth again, groaning low and throaty against my mouth. He released my hand on the side of the camera, stroking his fingers down my wet chest and pushing them between us to cup my cock where it strained at the front of my sodden white pants. The whine it pulled from my lips was almost embarrassingly needy, and my hips jerked up against the stimulation, my fingers scrabbling at the tiles. Ben dotted soft kisses against my lips. "This doesn't feel like 'just a little bit' to me now, does it...?"

"No," I gasped. Even through the sodden white cotton, the warm, slow caress of Ben's hand on my cock was maddeningly good, and I could barely remember what we were supposed to do next. "God, you turn me on so much...."

"Yeah...?" Ben's lips nuzzled mine as he released my other hand, fingers popping open the button on the pants and slowly pulling down the fly. He pulled back to look at me as he eased my pants down around my thighs, giving a low, appreciative sound. "Look how hard my twin is for me."

It was difficult to look down and not be completely fixated on his erection, standing thick and proud between his thighs. Mine was barely constrained by the thin white underwear which was now almost completely see through, stretched taut over the flushed-dark shaft of my cock. I bit my lip as he ran his fingertips up the underside of my erection. "I can't help it. You're so gorgeous...."

"Oh?" Ben leaned in for a slow, deep kiss. "I think I need a closer look." Then he slipped to his knees, hands rubbing over my thighs as he licked up the length of my cock through the thin wet cotton.

Even knowing that this was planned I was barely ready for it, hips jerking up instinctively. It was the act itself that did it for me as much as the sensation, the sight of my brother down on his knees, looking up at me as he mouthed hungrily at my cock. He yanked my pants down to the floor as he did, then hooked his fingers into the crotch of my underwear, pulling slow and insistent, the elastic waistband slowly dragging over the head of my cock, baring it to view. He drew the flat of his tongue over me, pressing wet kisses to the tip, and I had to bite down on my own fingers to handle the rush of sensation, my cry of pleasure embarrassingly loud.

Ben pulled back to look at me as he slowly tugged my underwear down, letting my cock spring free. "I wanna watch you touch yourself now. It's only fair, for the number of times I know you've watched me jerk off.”

I bit my lip as I wrapped my fingers around my cock, drawing a shivering breath. "I... can I have a minute?"

Ben was instantly alert, giving a short nod and turning to the cameras. "Break!"

I closed my eyes and sagged back against the tile, tightening my fingers around the base of my cock as I tried to catch my breath and slow the pounding of my heart. Ben stood, staying close to me without touching me. "You doing okay?"

I nodded and cuddled into him, needing the security of being close to him. Ben wrapped an arm around my shoulders, stroking gently. "Daniel?"

"I'm good," I replied, letting out a long breath. "I'm really good. It's just a bit... overwhelming."

Ben gave a soft, understanding hum, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "We can break as long as you need."

The crew was busy removing bits of the set that weren't needed anymore for easier camera angles, and Marcus approached the shower with a hand towel, which he offered to me. I took it gladly, pressing it to my face before taking off my glasses and drying them.

"You two look really good together," Marcus said, his voice natural and appraising without any hint of leering arousal, which reassured and calmed my nerves. "Very nice passion play. Daniel, do you think you can do without your glasses? They're adorable in the establishing shots, but in the shower I feel like they distract from the emotion in your eyes."

"Oh - of course - " I held them out to him automatically, and he shook his head.

"Put them back on and let Ben take them off you. Let's redo the underwear reveal. Stand up first and we'll get some more of those lovely deep kisses while the glasses come off. Take off his underwear while you're still standing. I want both your dicks in frame for that reveal. And do you think you can angle the shower between you for that?"

“Sure.” Ben had taken the hand towel from me, wiping off his face, and he handed it back to Marcus. “You ready to go again, _liebling_?”

I smiled and nodded, pushing my glasses back into place. My nearsightedness wasn’t serious; I could’ve switched to contacts as a teenager like Ben had. But I secretly liked the more scholarly look that my wire framed spectacles gave me. Still, it would definitely be nicer without… and definitely make our likeness unmistakable. More importantly, I’d still be able to see him clearly, and that was all that mattered.

I leaned back against the tiles again, pulling my sodden underwear back up into place despite the discomfort of them on my constrained erection. Ben slipped back down to his knees, resting a hand on my hip, his thumb stroking small, reassuring circles on my skin just above the band of the underwear. “You’re doing really good,” he said softly, and the warm adoration in his eyes made me feel safe and secure.

Then the cameras started rolling again, and Ben started mouthing slow kisses up the underside of my constrained erection, sucking and licking at the tip as I stroked my fingers through his hair. He kissed his way back up my body, pressing close and claiming my mouth, slow and deep and possessive. I rolled my hips up against his, moaning into his mouth, and when he pulled back again I was already half breathless.

“Let’s get rid of these,” Ben murmured, sliding my glasses down off my nose. He pressed soft kisses to my forehead and eyelids, then leaned out to set my glasses safely on a shelf safely away from the shower. He angled the spray of the shower onto my chest, admiring me for a moment before leaning back in. “You’re so gorgeous,” he murmured, hands stroking down my chest and over my hips as he kissed me again.

I couldn’t help but laugh against his lips. “We look the same, you narcissist.”

Ben grinned, giving a playful nip to my bottom lip. “See? Exactly my point.” He reached between us with one hand, slipping his fingers into the band of my underwear on the side opposite to the camera and running his thumb up the underside of my cock through the fabric before circling my exposed tip. “Help me take these off… I want to see you.”

I bit my lip, following his gaze down our bodies as he started to tug the elastic down. I grabbed hold of the underwear at my hip and pulled with him, drawing a shuddering breath as my constrained erection sprang free again, brushing against his and pressing into his stomach. Ben give a low, undoubtedly appreciative moan, sliding his hand back up my thigh to wrap his fingers around both our slick cocks at once, stroking slowly as the shower rained down tiny droplets of sensation. “There,” he murmured, leaning in to brush my lips with his. “Just the same.”

“Feels so good,” I gasped, rocking up into his touch a little despite myself.

“Yeah?” Ben let his forehead rest against mine, breath ragged as he continued to stroke slowly. “This what you wanted, sweetheart? What you were dreaming of every time you watched me jerk off?”

“Oh God yes,” I gasped, whimpering as he rubbed the pad of his thumb over the head of his cock, then my own. “This, and so much more. Oh God, please….”

“Soon,” he promised, pressing another soft kiss to my mouth before sliding back to his knees, pulling my underwear the rest of the way down to the floor. “I wanna watch you touch yourself now. It's only fair, for the number of times I know you've watched me jerk off.”

This I was comfortably familiar with, wrapping my fingers around my cock with a soft moan. I’d done this hundreds of times since I started working on cam, and I knew how to make it look good. The hardest part was remembering not to look at the camera, focusing my attention on Ben instead. My twin’s gaze was dark and appreciative, and he stroked himself slowly as he watched me. He leaned in with a low groan, kissing and sucking up my thigh, strong hands rubbing along my skin. Then he pulled my thighs apart, angling to mouth and lick at my balls and the base of my cock.

“Fuck, I can’t resist you,” he growled, grabbing both my hands and pinning them back to the tile. Then he parted his lips over the head of my cock, sucking hungrily, groaning as his lips slid down the shaft.

My hips jerked up into his mouth before I could stop myself, fingers clenching his hands, head falling back against the tile. Ben made no attempt at restraint, slurping around me under the stream of the shower water, and easily swallowing me to the hilt. I couldn’t help but arch into the sensation, my thighs tense and trembling. “Oh God, yes, suck me - feel so fucking good…!”

Ben’s breath was hot against my sensitive skin as he pulled back, lower lip and tongue dragging over the sensitive nerves on the underside of my head. “You taste amazing, sweetheart. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted your thick cock in my mouth…”

I bit my lip as he took me in his mouth again, hungrily swallowing me to the hilt, then pulling back, blowing me more slowly. I swallowed hard to clear my throat. “I thought I was the only one having dirty thoughts about my twin.”

Ben chuckled as he pulled back, speaking between drawing long licks up my shaft. “God no. Always know when you’re watching me jerk off… so I always fuck people where you can see me… Love knowing that my kinky little twin is thinking about me when he strokes himself…. God, so many things I want to do to you.”

“Show me,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, demanding. “I want to know everything.”

“Everything? That might take a hell of a long time.” Ben flicked his tongue against the head of my cock once more before standing, pulling my hips to his rocking against me slowly as he captured my mouth in a long, yearning kiss. I could taste my arousal on his tongue, and I couldn’t help but chase it, sucking and licking on his tongue as we rocked together slowly.

Wordlessly, Ben grabbed one of the bottles off the shelf behind him - the one that was actual body wash and not lube - squeezing a generous amount into his palm and mine before pulling me forward out of the stream of the shower.

As badly as I’d wanted him to blow me until I to come down his throat, I was grateful for this interlude, relaxing into the sensual indulgence of slowly stroking soap-slick hands over my brother’s well-muscled body. We traded slow, deep kisses as we soaped each other, my pulse calming a little as I caught my breath. Still, it was hard for me to think about anything but how much I wanted him to touch me again, and I clung desperately to threads of my self-restraint and let Ben control the pace.

My brother seemed to have little more control than I did, though, his kisses growing more heated and demanding as his hands mapped my body, pulling me closer. He pushed a hand between us to curl around our cocks again, echoing my soft cry as I rocked up into his touch. I drew a shuddering breath, fingers digging into his back. “Oh God please, I need you so bad…”

Ben pressed the other bottle into my hand, pressing another hard kiss to my mouth before pulling back, eyes dark. “Wanna turn around so I can wash your back?”

“Wash my back?” I gave him a breathless, teasing smirk, turning around and giving my ass little wiggle to the camera before deliberately dropping the bottle. “Oops.”

“You tease,” Ben growled, and I took my time bending over to pick it up, my thighs parted and ass in the air in a move I’d long ago perfected for the webcam. Ben’s hand pressed to my spine halfway back up, keeping me half bent over. “You wanna show off that perfect little ass so bad? Stay like that.”

I braced myself against the tiles and held to the bottle tightly, groaning as his hands slid down my back to cup each cheek, clenching and stroking and pulling them apart. “Only because you want to stare at it….”

Ben’s fingers dug into my ass, pulling my ass cheeks apart, putting me on full display for a moment before letting go. Then he pushed my thighs apart more, reaching up to pull the shower head down off the wall, running the spray down my back and between my cheeks. I couldn’t help but cry out at the pulse of the water as he sprayed it over my hole, then down between my thighs, teasing against my balls before moving back up. I felt his free hand clench at my ass cheek, moving the showerhead closer until I was squirming and whimpering under the agonizing tease of the water. “Oh God please, please….”

I heard the low murmur of the director’s voice, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the heat of Ben’s hands on my skin and the pleasure he was inflicting on me. He attached the showerhead back to the wall, then stepped closer to me, letting the hard length of his cock press between my cheeks as he leaned over to kiss the back of my neck. “You want more, sweetheart?”

I ground my ass back against his cock with a shuddering moan, eyes closed against the rush of sensation. “God yes, fuck, you can do whatever you want to me, just please….”

Ben slid his hands around my waist to my chest, pulling me more upright, and bodily moving me forward until I could safely brace myself on my forearms against the tiles. His lips nuzzled the side of my neck, breath hot as he gave a hard thrust against my ass. The drag of his cock against my sensitive nerve endings drove a hot pulse of pleasure up my spine, making me cry out again. “Whenever I want, darling?”

I drew a shuddering breath, forcing myself to bite back my words. It felt like every nerve in my body was on edge, and I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more than to feel him inside me, feel the thick girth of my brother’s cock stretch me open and pound into me. I handed the bottle back to him wordlessly, moaning as I felt the slick liquid poured onto the top of my ass. Ben’s fingers stroked slowly down my crack, slicking against my skin before rubbing against me teasingly, pressing against me without penetrating.

“Maybe I should finger this cute little ass,” he murmured, slowly pressing two fingers inside me. It was still just a tease compared to what my body craved, but I still pressed back into the penetration, groaning.

“Gonna make me come all over the wall if you do that,” I gasped warningly, and Ben gave a low chuckle, licking up the back of my neck as he continued to pump his fingers in me slowly.

“Can’t have that quite yet, can we?” He eased his fingers away just as I was certain I’d need to call for a break. Instead he pressed his hips back to mine, hands cupping my ass cheeks, pushing them together against his cock as he thrust slowly against me.

I bit my lip on a cry, bucking back against him, the drag of his cock against my sensitized hole maddeningly exquisite. “Oh God yes…”

Ben nipped at the crook of my neck, breath hot and ragged as he started thrust faster. “Fucking perfect ass,” he gasped, fingers digging into my hips as he pushed against me harder. “You’ve driven me crazy for years… wiggling your tight, flirty little ass at me… just wanted to bend you over and fuck you so hard - !”

All I could do was cry out in response, shuddering against him under the onslaught of sensation. Ben mouthed hot, desperate kisses up my neck, sucking and nipping at my skin as his thrusts grew more ragged. “Make me come all over you,” he gasped, pushing against me harder, almost making lose my footing. “Fuck, Daniel, gonna come so hard, come all over your perfect ass - “

“Please come on my ass,” I managed to gasp, whimpering with loss as he pulled back. I reached back to pull my ass cheeks apart as I was supposed to, and I felt the head of Ben’s cock press against my hole as he jerked himself. The tease of his cock against me felt too good, and I couldn’t help but push back against him, crying out at the shuddering pleasure of my body stretching around the tip of his cock.

“Fuck, Daniel!” I could hear my desperation echoed in the roughness of my twin’s voice. The quick, hard stroke of Ben’s hand on his shaft made the tip of his cock rub and jerk inside me, and in moments he was spurting hot against me, come spurting inside me and over my rim, spilling between my thighs.

The agonizing tease of the press of his cock continued as he jerked himself through his climax, and by the time he was finished I felt nearly desperate to come, trembling against the wall and gasping for breath. Ben pressed against my side with a low, appreciative moan, pushing his fingers up into me, kissing my shoulder as his free hand curled around my cock. “Shh, sweetheart… I’ll take care of you… give you anything you want, gonna make you come so good…”

With the thick girth of his fingers inside me I could almost imagine he was fucking me, and I let his words and touch quickly pull me to climax, cuddling into him as sensation crashed around me and shivered through every nerve in my body. Ben murmured soft encouragements against my hair as he stroked me through my orgasm, coaxing every drop of come from me until I was shivering and whimpering from the overstimulation.

“Shh….” Ben turned me and pressed me back against the tile, catching my mouth in slow, warm kisses. His arms were strong and secure around me, and I slowly calmed, feeling vulnerable and the aftermath of orgasm but knowing that Ben would take care of me.

“Wasn’t that much nicer than just watching me jerk off?” He asked finally, smiling against my lips.

I gave a soft laugh and nodded, running my hand up his chest to rest on his shoulder. “Oh yes. So much nicer. Except now I don’t know if I can watch you anymore.”

“No?” Ben pressed a soft kiss to my mouth, still smiling. “Because now you’ll want to participate instead?”

I bit my lips and let my eyes widen, nodding. Ben laughed, tightening his arms around me and kissing my bit lip. “Oh sweetheart, don’t worry. There’s no way I’ll be able to keep my hands off you now.”

I laughed, soft and shy, cuddling into him more. I heard the director call ‘cut’, and relaxed against Ben with a soft sigh, pressing my face against his neck.

Ben kept me close, fingers stroking my back soothingly. “You okay, _liebling_?”

I nodded, couldn’t resist the urge to kiss him again, soft and slow. “I’m good. So good, _mein herz_ ….”

“Good,” he murmured softly, returning my kiss before reaching up to direct the shower back onto us. “Let’s clean up and get dried off, okay?”

I suddenly felt exhausted, and I was happy to let Ben fuss over me, toweling my body dry and helping me into the white hotel room he’d worn on to set. He put my glasses back on me before taking another robe from one of the production assistants, thanking her and pulling it on. Then he wrapped an arm around my waist, guiding me off set. “Marcus? We good?”

“Golden,” our director replied, smiling as he approached us. “Tons of great footage from all angles. And I think that was the best performance I’ve seen out of you since Boywatch. I have to admit, I was a little surprised at first when I heard about the exorbitant amount you’d talked Alan into negotiating for these films.”

“But not anymore?” The pride in Ben’s voice was unmistakable, and it warmed me through.

“Not in the least.” He patted Ben’s shoulder. “Go decompress. Take off if you want. I’ll see you on location tomorrow.”

Our boyfriends joined us as we turned towards the dressing rooms. John curled against my other side, slipping an arm around my waist, seeming completely unconcerned with the dark wet patch that stained the front of his jeans. I was happy to stop and enjoy the security of being between them as Ben pulled Larry into a warm kiss. “What did you think?”

“You two were amazing,” Larry purred. “Incredibly… inspiring.”

“Ben, I kinda sucked off your boyfriend,” John sounded distinctly embarrassed. “Sorry. I just really needed a hard dick in my mouth.”

Ben’s chuckle sounded completely unconcerned. “That’s okay. I almost fucked yours.”

I heard John give a low, choked groan under his breath, and his murmured suggestion made my heart stop. “Then maybe we can switch off again later tonight?”

Ben snorted. “Don’t fuck around, Murdoch.”

“I’m definitely not fucking around. Seriously, if I hadn’t just come my pants I’d be so fucking hard right now just talking about it, I – “

“Hush,” Ben said firmly, arm tightening around my waist. “Let’s get changed.”

“You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about swinging,” John continued as soon as we were all inside the dressing room. “I mean, we’ve basically all filmed together now.”

“We’re not talking about anything even close to swinging outside the apartment,” Ben said, voice low and firm, and despite being spent I felt a soft thrill that he hadn’t outright shot him down. John and I had talked about the possibility often, but I’d thought I’d just been indulging his twin fantasies. I never seriously thought that he’d be okay enough with the idea to bring it up with Ben.

“And we should probably hold off on discussing at all until you’re finished shooting,” Larry agreed casually, like we were talking about something no more serious than where to go for dinner.

I looked up at him. “Why?”

Larry’s gaze was appreciative and unexpectedly hungry as he smiled back at me, his tongue darting out to wet his generous lips. “Because, little mouse, nothing gives a better performance than the kind of raw, genuine sexual tension I saw today. So we’re going to keep you desperate and uncertain and gagging for your brother’s cock ‘till the very last frame of this film.”

~~~


	9. Epilogue - Daniel Makes a Porno part 2

Our second day of shooting was much easier compared to the first. The studio had rented a house for the two days, which wasn’t uncommon when they needed a location that could be easily created on set, like the large swimming pool in the backyard. There was a lot of waiting, setting up and resetting shots, getting the right angles so that when the film was edited the story would be Ben and Larry fucking on a large sun bed by the pool while I secretly watched them out the window and jerked off.

Masturbating for the camera was an easy, familiar performance, though it felt a little strange to be doing it still half clothed. But I didn’t expect was how sexy I’d find it to watch Ben and Larry film together. I hadn’t been lying when I’d told my audience that I’ve watched a few of Ben’s films, including the entirety of Boywatch. I’d even caught glimpses of them in the distance when I’d come to Santa Barbara with them for the filming. But it was much different, being only a thin pane of glass away from my brother having sex. He and Larry interacted with a familiar, comfortable sensuality that turned blistering as soon as the cameras were rolling.

Jerking off to that was easy.

And if I went home afterwards and begged John to fuck me hard, well… It wouldn’t have any impact on my ability to film the next day.

I started the shoot completely naked apart from a pair of sunglasses, stretched out on my stomach on the narrow, sturdy sun bed the studio built for the shoot. John, wearing nothing but a pair of tiny, tight swim trunks, made a few cursory attempts to skim fallen leaves out of the pool as he approached me, admiring me openly.

“I can feel you staring at my ass, you know,” I told him without lifting my head, and heard him laugh.

“Am I not supposed to? You’re the one showing off like a little cock tease when you know how much I want to fuck it.”

I pushed myself up on my forearms, twisting to look back at him and feeling completely comfortable and natural as I teased him. “Oh, do you now?”

John dropped to one knee on the lounge, stroking his hands slowly up the back of my thighs and over the curve of my ass. “I told you my first day on the job that I’d do anything you asked me to if you’d let me fuck you.”

I hummed contemplatively, wiggling my ass back into his touch. “I don’t suppose that offer still stands, does it?”

“Of course it does.” John’s hand stilled its caress suddenly. “… Are you seriously offering?”

I turned over on the bed, stretching my arms above my head and arching off the bed languidly, showing off my body. “That depends… Are you really willing to do anything I ask you to?” John started to stroke his hand up my thigh towards my cock, and I swatted it away playfully. “No touching until you answer my question.”

“Yes? I mean, assuming you’re not going to ask me to do anything dangerous, like play in traffic or something….”

“Nothing dangerous,” I assured him, sitting up and pulling him down into a warm, yearning kiss.

It was easy to lose myself to the familiarity of John’s kisses, stroking my hands over his chest and shoulders appreciatively as we kissed. John returned my touch, mapping my chest with slow, appreciative caresses as our kisses grew hungrier. By the time his fingers curled around my cock I was already half hard, and I rocked up into his touch with soft, whimpering moan. “Mmm, yes….”

John nuzzled my jaw, trailing slow, open mouthed kisses along my skin. “So what you do want me to do, beautiful? You want me to blow you? You want to fuck my mouth until you come down my throat? I’d like that. Or I could eat your ass for you, fuck your tight little hole with my tongue….”

I groaned at the thought, rocking up into his touch, but made myself pull away. “Stay here. I have to go get something.”

“Handcuffs?” John said hopefully, but I just laughed, starting inside.

“Wait and see.”

I met Ben inside the house, cuddling into him and waiting as the cameras spent some time with John, filming him stretching out on the sunbed and stroking himself as he waited for me. John had always been an ardent and attentive lover, even at times when we were too hurried or lazy for more than a quick and dirty fuck. But it amazed me now how naturally sensual and downright fuckable he was in front of the camera.

“He’s magnificent,” I murmured, and Ben gave a soft hum of agreement, and his voice was low and throaty as he leaned in to nuzzle my ear, sending a shiver of arousal down my spine.

“I can’t wait to fuck him with you.”

Soon enough we were back on camera. John sat up as we approached, startled and wary. “Ben! I swear I wasn’t going to do anything to your brother – “

I laughed, rounding the sunbed to sit next to him, pressing up against his side. “Don’t worry, beautiful. This is what I was getting.” I stroked a hand up his thigh and over the barely contained bulge in his tiny shorts. “You still want to fuck me, right? Well, I’ll let you. I’ll let you fuck my ass whenever you want… if you let Ben and I do whatever we want to you first.”

John gave a little incredulous groan, hips bucking up against my hand. “You’re serious? Both of you? At the same time?”

Ben smirked, approaching the sunbed and tossing the beach bag he’d been carrying with lube in it down on the concrete. “If you think you can handle both of us.”

John ran a hand over my naked thigh, then up Ben’s, looking us both over hungrily. “I guarantee that I can handle anything you decide to throw at me.” Then he moved forward to perch the edge of the sunbed, leaning in to mouth at Ben’s cock through his shorts as he pulled them undone.

I rounded the sunbed to join them, languidly stroking myself and watching my lover lavish attention on Ben’s erection as he pulled his shorts off. It was hard not to admire how good John looked with his lips wrapped around my twin’s thick cock. John took turns blowing us, moving from Ben’s cock to mine, swallowing me to the hilt like he couldn’t get enough, then tugging us close enough for him to lick and nuzzle the heads of both our cocks at once.

“If I’d known this is what you wanted it would’ve been blowing your beautiful huge cocks ages ago,” John declared finally, before turning and swallowing Ben to the hilt again, groaning around him.

Ben curled his fingers in John’s hair, clenching tight as he took control, thrusting a few times into his throat before pulling back, leaving my lover groaning and breathless. “Oh, we’re just getting started, pretty boy.”

“Yeah? God, this day keeps getting better and better.” John flashed a wide, triumphant grin, then took me again, looking up at me with green eyes full of good humor as his lips slid down my shaft.

Ben bent over to grab the lube from the beach bag, perching on the side of the sunbed beside John. “Get those shorts off and put your ass in the air. Let’s see if you’re really up to the challenge.”

We had a few moments while the cameras reset. John shimmied his shorts down his hips, and I helped him ease the thick silicone plug he’d been wearing out of his ass. He pulled me close for a yearning kiss. “This is so fucking hot, love, thank you so much….”

“Wouldn’t have wanted anyone else here,” I replied, smiling against his lips and giving his ass a playful squeeze. “Besides, it would be a shame not to take full advantage of your slutty little ass….”

“Save the dirty talk for the camera,” Ben replied, covering my hand on John’s ass and squeezing. “You still want to do the cock ring?”

John laughed. “Oh God yes. No way I’m going to last through this otherwise.”

Moments later Ben and I were taking John’s shorts off again the camera, perched on the sunbed to be eye level with his crotch, stroking and admiring his body. I leaned in to run my tongue up the length of his cock, sucking at his head. “Mmm… gonna feel so good to have this nice cock inside me…”

Ben cupped John’s ass cheeks in both hands, rubbing and massaging pulling them apart. Then he ran his thumb down his ass crack, pushing it inside his loosened hole easily. “This little slut is going to love being fucked. Maybe we should gang bang him. What do you think of that, pool boy?”

I could feel John’s hips tense, rolling slowly between my mouth and Ben’s thumb. “Oh my fucking God, yes.”

I let his cock pull from my mouth with a soft pop. “One more thing, though. You’re not allowed to come until we both have. Ben, give me the ring.”

John gave a breathless laugh as I carefully fastened the silver ring around his cock and balls. “You guys are going to kill me. I’m going to come so hard that my balls are gonna explode.”

I giggled at his playful ridiculousness, leaning in to mouth at his trapped balls before drawing one last slow lick up his cock. “We’ll see. Now get on your hands and knees.”

Even with as many times as I’d dominated my sweet lover, I had to admit that there was something incredibly arousing watching him present himself on the sunbed, leaning on his forearms with his ass in the air. Ben and I both smoothed a hand over his ass cheeks, pulling them apart to admire his hole. Ben drizzled more lube down his crack as I rubbed my fingers over him, slowly pushing two inside, giving a low, appreciative moan as John groaned and pressed back against me.

“Look at that eager little slut,” Ben purred, reaching over with lube slick fingers and stroking them slowly down the length of my cock. “I want to watch you fuck him.”

I gave Ben a dark smile as I moved into position, teasing John’s ass with the head of my cock before pushing in slowly. I bit my lip on a groan at the tight, slick heat of his body, giving a few slow, deep thrusts. “He’s so tight…. God, you have to try this.”

Ben had been stroking himself slowly, cock slick, and he moved into position as soon as I stepped away, pushing into John with one hard thrust. “Fuck, you’re right… Slutty little pool boy… just made to be fucked, weren’t you?”

John rocked back against them breathlessly. “Oh God yes. God, fuck me.”

“Impatient slut.” Ben gave a few hard, quick thrusts before slowing, rolling his hips up into him slowly. “Don’t worry, we’ll fuck you until you can’t sit down for a week.” He repeated the motion a few times, until John was breathless, whimpering as he slowed.

“Oh God, don’t stop – please - God, fuck me harder!”

“You’re not calling the shots here.” Ben gave his ass hard smack before pulling away completely, reaching back to pull me close again. “Your turn again, sweetheart.”

I pushed back into him easily, moaning as I buried myself to the hilt. I reached for Ben at the same time, pulling him into a breathless kiss. “Watching you fuck him was so hot….”

Ben stroked his hand down my back to cup my ass, urging my slow thrusts. His kisses were immediately possessive, deep and claiming, fingers digging into my ass. “It turns you on? Watching me fuck him?”

“Oh yes,” I gasped, picking up the pace a little.

“Did it make you wish I was fucking you?” Ben’s question was a low growl, and he slid his fingers down the crease of my ass as he spoke, teasing against me.

I closed my eyes on a cry, slowing, trying to writhe between the slick perfection of John’s ass and the tease of Ben’s fingers. “Oh fuck. Yes. God, I really want you to fuck me....”

The plaintive desperation in my voice didn’t have to be faked. Ben gave a breathless, needy groan, kissing me hard as he started to work his fingers inside me. John and I had fingered each other open before we started, so I was slick and ready for him, but the stretch of penetration was a delicious tease compared to what I really wanted.

“So tight for me,” Ben murmured, working his fingers in me in slow, deep strokes, encouraging the rock of my hips into John. “You just wanted to watch me fuck someone up close and personal so you could pretend that it was you, didn’t you?”

I bit my lip on a whimper as his fingers teased up against my prostate, nodding. Ben kissed my bit lip, tugging it from between my teeth with his own and sucking on it gently. “My sweet, slutty little twin,” he growled, pushing a third finger into me.

“Please fuck me,” I gasped, feeling like every nerve in my body was on edge and craving more. Ben kissed me harder, fingering me more firmly until I was shuddering against him, gasping for breath. “Oh God, Ben, please….”

He moved behind me silently, taking hold of my hips, and I groaned as I felt length of his cock press between my ass cheeks. Ben pressed a breathless kiss back of my neck, grinding against my ass and pushing me deeper into John. “God, sweetheart, you have no idea how badly I want to… Just want to fuck you into this slutty little pool boy….” He took more control as he spoke, pushing against me harder as he thrust between my ass cheeks, my hips smacking against John’s ass.

“I could fuck him for you,” John gasped, rocking back against me. “I’ll fuck his ass so hard for you!”

“You think so?” Ben pulled back, stroking his fingers between my cheeks before moving back to John. I pulled back to give the camera a better view of my cock in John’s ass, biting my lip on a groan as Ben carefully worked one finger inside him alongside my shaft. “I think you still need a good fucking first, pretty boy.”

“Oh fuck, god, please – “ John’s breath was shuddering, his words a helpless whine as he writhed back to the penetration. Ben grabbed the lube, pouring an ample amount on my cock where it disappeared into John’s body. Even just one finger made him incredibly tight, and I had to bite my lip against the stimulation as I rocked in him slowly.

Ben nuzzled my ear as he carefully worked in a second finger, his voice low. “You think we should fuck him together, sweetheart? Do you wanna fuck him with me? We’ll see if this slutty little asshole can handle both our huge cocks at once?”

“I can. Oh God, I can take it. Please fuck me!”

I managed to laugh breathlessly, keeping my thrusts slow and smooth. “He’s so desperate for it. Maybe we should indulge him. He’s been such a good little pet.”

I gave a sigh of relief as the cameras cut to reset, pulling away from John and breathing deep, trying to take things down a notch. “Kind of wish I had the cock ring.”

“And that you were the one getting DPed?” John grinned as he flopped back on the sunbed.

I wrapped my fingers around the base of my cock, squeezing tight closing my eyes for a moment. “Don’t even joke, love.”

“I mean by Larry and I, of course. Or any of the other boys, really. And you could suck Ben’s cock while we do….”

“I’m trying to calm down here!” I shot back, laughing. “God, I don’t know how you guys do this all the time.”

“You get used to blue-balling after a while,” Ben remarked, nudging John’s hip with his knee. “Out of my spot, Murdoch. Let’s get that cute little ass of yours ready for your close-up.”

John moved onto his hands and knees obediently, crawling forward so Ben could sit behind him. Ben squirted more lube on his fingers, pushing three into him easily, then working in his pinky. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t bring myself to, watching my brother slowly finger and stretch John open. I watched my lover’s eyes fall closed in pleasure. “Mmm. You know, I’ve never been fisted. We should do that sometime.”

Ben snorted. “After today we’re going to be able to drive semitruck through your ass.”

I watched John shudder visibly, and he pulled away from my brother with a choked cry. “Fuck, don’t talk like that while you’re fingering me, this cock ring only does so much!”

Ben chuckled, shaking his head and giving John’s ass a playful swat. “You are so perverse.”

“Isn’t that what you love about me?”

I found myself grateful that I’d called for a break as I watched Ben manhandle John back onto his lap for the cameras. I might not have lasted otherwise. Ben hooked an arm under each of John’s knees and pulled his thighs up and apart, grinding his cock against my lover’s ass. There was something overwhelmingly appealing about watching my lover spread open and helpless, but I couldn’t say which aroused me more: the sight of my lover being dominated, or that my brother was the one doing the dominating. John gave himself over to it completely, groaning and squirming, trying to wriggle against my brother’s cock. “God yes, fuck me with that huge cock!”

I moved to kneel over one of Ben’s thighs, grateful that the sun bed had been specifically built to withstand the kind of acrobatic, rigorous sex we’d be having on it. For a moment I indulged in the feast of naked flesh that was spread out before me, sucking at the head of Ben’s cock, then John’s, stroking them both. Then I pressed the head of Ben’s cock against his ass, stroking and holding him in place as he slowly lowered John down onto him.

“You look so good with my brother’s cock in you,” I murmured, sliding two slick fingers up into him as well, stroking the underside of Ben’s cock as I did. “You want me too, handsome? Want my brother and I to stuff your slutty little asshole tight and fuck you hard?”

“So fucking bad,” John gasped more needy and desperate than I’d ever seen him. “Oh God, Daniel, please…”

It only took a moment to slick my cock. Then I pressed close, rocking against Ben’s cock as he slowly moved in my lover. Even the slide of our bodies felt amazing, and when the head of my cock finally breached him I cried out with him, the tight heat of his body and the slide of Ben’s cock against mine overwhelming.

“This what you wanted?” Ben’s voice was ragged as he gave a harder thrust up into my lover, making us both cry out again. “Been dreaming about being our little whore since day one, haven’t you?”

“You have no fucking idea,” John gasped, giving a shaky laugh, fingers scrabbling for purchase the sunbed mattress. I could feel his body clench and flutter around us, his breathing ragged, and I realized I’d never seen my lover so overwhelmed. It made me feel sudden rush of tender protectiveness, and I touched Ben’s hips briefly to still him before leaning in to press a slow, deep kiss to John’s lips. Part of me wanted to stay close, to reassure him through this intensity with soft kisses and touch, and I felt a sudden pang of regret that I’d chosen to do this with him here instead of at home in private where I could be as tender with him as I wanted.

John gave me a shaky smile as I leaned back, and I returned it warmly, stroking my hands over his chest as I rolled my hips up into him slowly. “You look so good like this, beautiful. Such a good boy, taking it so well. Isn’t he, Ben?”

Ben felt in without question, nuzzling John’s neck and pressing warm kisses to his shoulder. “So good. You feel amazing. Such a good pet, letting us share you like this…”

I kept up the slow, insistent rock of my hips, only moving a little harder once I saw John began to relax. “Can we keep him?”

My twin give a low, appreciative groan, starting to move with me slowly. “Mmm… our own personal little pet… to pamper and stroke and fuck whenever we want….”

John let his head fall back against the sunbed beside Ben’s with a breathless groan. “Oh God yes, fuck me…”

Confident that he was comfortable, I began to move a little harder, rocking into him in long, deep thrusts that took counterpoint to Ben’s small, quick ones. I watched my lover come apart completely in seconds, each breath a soft, helpless moan of pleasure. It was intensely, erotically gratifying, and I found myself taking full control, fucking him harder, each buck of my hips pulling a desperate, mewling cry from his lips.

I was so caught up in him took a moment to realize that Marcus was speaking to me. “Daniel, any way you can hold yourself a bit higher? We need a better penetration angle.”

I briefly considered the situation, then moved one foot to the ground, leaning over John and tucking my other foot under me to half stand on the sunbed.

“Perfect!”

“Perfect,” I echoed softly, starting to move in him again. It felt a little awkward, but put me close enough to lean in and claim his lips, stealing his gasps of pleasure with long, slow kisses. I felt John’s fingers tangle in my hair, holding me to his kisses, and he smiled against my mouth.

“I’m good, love,” John murmured, followed by a louder, gasped demand. “Fuck yes, harder! Fuck the hell out of me!”

“Fuck you so good,” I breathed, and gave into my desire, using him hard and fast. John’s breathless cries were too gratifying, and far too soon I had to force myself to pull away, every nerve in my body screaming to keep fucking him until I came.

“I think it’s time you had your reward,” I told him, and John went limp back against my brother chest with a breathless moan.

“I really need a break,” he gasped, laughing softly as he tried to catch his breath. “Holy fuck, Daniel.”

Ben lifted him higher, easing him off his cock and shifting to put him down on the sunbed. He leaned in close before sitting up, his words so low that I barely heard them. “Thank you for this, John. Can we do it again sometime?”

The blissed out smile that stretched across my lover’s face as he looked up at me answered before he did. “You bet your hot ass we can.”

I got into position for the last scene, kneeling up on the sunbed and holding onto the back, thighs spread. I was beginning to understand what the others had meant when they told me that porn wasn’t glamorous - I’d never gone so long without coming was ready to beg them to pound me into the mattress just so I could finally find release. I groaned as John slowly rocked into me, grinding my ass back on his cock, pushing him deeper.

He took hold of my hips, holding me in place, his thrusts agonizingly slow. Then he looked back at Ben. “You still want to fuck your brother’s tight ass?”

“I’ll fuck yours into him,” Ben replied in a growl, and I felt John’s hips jerk into me as Ben took him.

John gave a shivering cry, leaning over me to brace his hands against the sunbed as well. “Oh my fucking God this feels amazing…. buried in your perfect little ass while your brother fucks me with his huge cock… oh fuck, I’ll be your sex slave forever - !”

Ben gave a harder thrust, driving him deeper into me, making us both cry out. “And I’ll fuck both you little sluts,” he growled, setting a hard, insistent rhythm and driving a hot pulse of pleasure up my spine with each thrust.

John mouthed hot kisses along my shoulder, nipping at the crook of my neck. “How does it feel to have your brother fucking you?” He gasped, crying out as Ben gave a harder thrust. “Oh God - just wanna feel the hard pound of his thick cock inside you… Fuck you hard and fast and make you come on his cock….”

The suggestion of it from John’s lips as arousing as it always had been, and I cried out helplessly, barely clinging to the threads of my self control. “Yes! Oh God, please, please fuck me, God please fuck me hard – !“

I reached down to wrap my fingers around my cock, but the pleasure of it all was too much. In moments I was coming hard, rocking back onto John’s cock and crying out as pleasure overwhelmed me. I heard Ben growl something about coming on John’s ass, but I could barely react to it, lost to the shuddering intensity of an orgasm too long denied.

“You’ve been such a good pet, pool boy,” I heard Ben murmur. “Do you want to come in my brother’s ass, or on it? I think you can take off that ring now.”

It took John a second to reply, from the slight tremor in his voice I knew he was achingly close. “Can I come on both your faces?”

“I think you’ve earned that,” I managed to reply, biting back a hiss of discomfort as he eased away from me. I moved to sit on the edge of the sunbed with shaky thighs, leaning in to Ben as he sat beside me and wrapped one arm around my shoulders. Then I flashed John a smile before closing my eyes and turning my face up towards him as he began to stroke himself. I heard him groan, low and throaty and completely relieved, and felt his come splatter hot and slick on my lips and cheeks and eyelids, holding still until I heard Marcus call ‘cut’.

Someone pressed a damp towel into my hand, I wiped my face carefully, feeling John sink down on the sunbed on my other side. “Love you,” he murmured softly against my ear, and pressed a kiss to my temple. “You’re amazing. All my fantasies and then some.”

I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him, giving a soft, happy hum against his mouth. I knew how lucky I was to have John’s complete and unwavering support and encouragement, and despite what I’d once said to Ben, I realized that I hadn’t wanted to do this without John, either.

“You’re the amazing one,” I told him, wanting nothing more than to go home with him and spend the rest of the day in his arms.

~~~

“Last day on set today,” Larry remarked over breakfast the next morning. “How do you like it so far? Think you want to go back?”

I saw Ben look towards me immediately, but that wasn’t the reason I took a moment to consider it. “I don’t think so,” I said finally. “It’s been really fun, and I’m glad I did it, I just…” I wet my lips, feeling a flush heat the back of my neck. “I can’t help but think that everything I’ve done would’ve been more fun if I’d just done it here at home.”

“So can we talk about swinging now?” John eagerly set down his cup of coffee and set up straighter in his chair. “Ben totally offered to DP me again off-set some time.”

Larry cast his lover bemused smile. “Did he?”

“I think you might get first dibs,” Ben replied quickly. “If Daniel wants to, of course.”

“There’s a lot of things I want to try,” I said, glancing down at my cereal and feeling the flush spread to my cheeks. “But we need to get through today first.”

We returned to the studio for the last scene; all we needed was a bedroom set, and that was something they had spades. John help me change and prepare in the dressing room ahead of time, claiming soft kisses as he fingered me open, holding me close. “You’re going to ask him, aren’t you?”

I closed my eyes and drew a shivering breath as his fingers twisted inside me. “Ask him?”

John nuzzled my ear, his voice low. “Ben. To fuck you. For real.”

I bit back a whimper at the thought. “Larry…”

“Larry thinks Ben might literally explode if you don’t. We talked about it quite a bit, you know. He’s fine with it. Though I might ask him to fuck me while we watch, if you don’t mind.” He eased his fingers from me, stepping away to grab the pair of blue silk pajama pants I was supposed to wear off the rack.

I turned, watching him. “But are you sure, John? There’s a big difference between talking about it and actually…”

John gave me a soft smile, stepping close and cuddling me into his chest, pressing a kiss to my hair. “Nothing you’ve ever done has ever left me feeling unsure about us. Or about your brother. I wouldn’t have encouraged you to film if I felt otherwise. And even if I had, after yesterday….”

I lifted my head to kiss him warmly, wrapping my arms up around his neck. “I love you forever… Nightwing69.”

John’s delighted laughter made my heart ache with joy, and he returned my kiss with a low, happy moan. “I love the shit out of you, my hot little cam boy. Now let’s go out there so you can get kinky with your twin while Larry and I get inappropriate on the couch.”

“You really impressed me with the pool boy yesterday,” Ben told me as he joined me in front of the cameras, perching on the bed I’d sprawled out on.

I set aside my book and sat up, scooting closer to him. “I really liked fucking him with you,” I murmured, leaning in to steal a slow, warm kiss from his lips. “And watching you fuck him was so hot…”

Ben stroked his hand over the silk of my pajama pants, fingers tracing slow circles up my inner thigh as our kisses grew more heated. “I liked putting on a show for you.”

“I really wish you’d been fucking me instead,” I breathed truthfully, arching up into his touch, feeling my cock twitch as the words left my mouth.

“Fuck, Daniel…” Ben’s fingers slid into my hair, clenching tight as he kissed me harder. His free hand cupped my cock through the silk, stroking and teasing me as he claimed my mouth until I was hard and aching and gasping for breath against his lips.

Ben was breathless as well by the time he finally pulled from my mouth, reaching back to pick up the paper shopping bag he’d set down the side of the bed. “I have a present for you.”

I’d intentionally chosen a dildo that was much longer than Ben and I, and around the same girth as my big toy at work. I’d forgotten how big it was, though, and I moaned as I pulled it out of the bag. “It’s gorgeous,” I breathed, stroking a hand slowly up and down the shaft of the toy. I drew my tongue over the head slowly, looking up at Ben through my eyelashes. “Please will you help me break it in?”

It was easy to let myself get lost in the scene, focusing on Ben’s touch and care as we teased and aroused each other. But what John and I had talked about was always at the back of my mind, and clinging to restraint when I knew now what I really wanted was agonizing. Still, I gave myself completely to the scene, kissing and touching and stroking my twin with all of the passion I truly felt for him. We finally ended with me on my back, one calf on Ben’s shoulder and the other draped over his thigh, stroking myself as he worked the toy inside me in hard thrusts that left me writhing and whimpering and begging him to fuck me harder as I jerked myself. It only took a few strokes for him to bring himself off afterwards, leaning over me and holding my gaze as he came slick and hot on my stomach and chest.

“Very nice shoot, boys,” Marcus told us as we made our way back to the dressing rooms. “You kept up that intensity from Wednesday all the way through the week, and that’s no easy feat. It’s going to be a really good film. Think you’ll come back for a sequel, Daniel?”

I gave a soft laugh, cuddling into Ben. “I’ll think about it,” I replied, though I knew I wouldn’t. I’d accomplished what I’d set out to.

We stopped off for dinner at an amazing little sandwich place close to the studio, having a few cold beers on their small sidewalk patio in the late afternoon sunshine. John was happy and relaxed at my side, and my brother just a shade more protective and attentive to me than normal. Larry was always sweet and good natured, but today he seemed particularly fond and happy. I watched him carefully, but could detect no hint of jealousy or apprehension in him, and decided that John had been right in what he’d told me.

I felt a particular kind of warm satisfaction myself, pride in a job well done and languid feeling of sensuality that had stayed with me even off-camera. It was the same kind of sexiness and satisfaction as I felt after particularly successful night on cam, but multiplied, and I found myself glad that I didn’t have to share with anyone except for the three men closest to me. Smoldering underneath that feeling was a soft anticipation for what was to come, the cumulation of everything we’d done throughout the week.

By the time we went home I was more than ready for it, my limbs languid and relaxed from the alcohol, sex the only thought on my mind. I cuddled up to John in the backseat as we drove, nuzzling his ear. “I really want what we talked about,” I murmured against his ear, and he gave a soft, appreciative hum, pulling me into a warm kiss.

“Definitely.”

Once in our apartment, I cuddled into my brother’s embrace, faintly trembling with anticipation. I pressed a soft kiss to his mouth, sighing as his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close. “Thank you for doing that with me,” I said, trying to find the confidence to voice what I wanted.

“I really enjoyed it,” Ben replied, voice lowering to throaty murmur that sent a shiver of arousal through me. “Are you okay, _liebling_?”

I nodded, moving to nuzzle his ear. “John would like Larry to fuck him. Is that okay?”

“Oh?” Ben pressed a warm kiss to my jaw, his fingers tightening slightly on the small of my back. “And you, sweetheart?”

“I want you.” The words came out in a rush, and I drew a shivering breath. “For real, Ben. Please, I need….”

“Shhh…” Ben pulled back to press a soft kiss to my mouth, then another, harder, making a soft, needy noise deep in his throat. “Anything you want, Daniel.”

“But do you? Ben…”

“Of course I want,” he growled, smoothing one hand down to cup my ass and pull me closer. “I’ve been clinging to self-control by a hair for the entire week.”

His revelation sent a rush of arousal through me, and I whimpered as I arched against him, claiming his mouth for a hungry, desperate kiss, my hips bucking up against his.

“Your room, or ours?” My lover had already pulled his shirt off over his head and started towards the bedrooms.

“Ours is bigger,” Larry replied, following him.

“Ours is… yeah okay, you can deal with clean up.” He smirked back towards us. “Coming, boys?”

I felt acutely aware of my own arousal as I pulled back to follow him, but Ben kept an arm around my waist, protective and possessive. “I want you to call the shots,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to my ear. “Don’t ever feel obligated…”

I shook my head, pulling him into another kiss as we reached the side of the bed. “No obligation. I just need you inside me as soon as possible.”

Ben gave a choked groan against my mouth, hands raking down my back and gripping my ass, I could feel his cock pressed hard against my hip as we rocked together. I already felt like I’d been half hard all night, aching for more sensation, and I tugged at his clothes with trembling fingers as I claimed whimpering, needy kisses from his lips.

It still took far too long to get him naked, but soon enough I was pinned under him on the bed, grinding up against the muscular weight of his body, breath catching at the slide of my cock against his. I wrapped my thighs around his hips, rutting up against him. “God, Ben, please fuck me. Please….”

Ben choked back a soft, helpless cry, hips bucking against me before he pulled back to grab the lube off the bed where John and tossed it. Then he slicked his fingers, pressing hot kisses to my neck. “Thighs up. Let me prep you.”

I gave a frustrated whimper as I did as he asked. “Fuck, I’m so sick of fingers – “

Ben gave a soft, soothing noise as he worked them into me. “Don’t want to hurt you, _liebling_ ….”

“John’s fine,” I tried to argue, gasping as Ben’s fingers twisted inside me.

John had let Larry push him up against the wall beside the bed, and he gave a breathless laugh, bracing himself on his forearms as he ground his ass back onto Larry's cock. “I’ve had a hell of a lot more dicks in me then you have, darling.”

I couldn’t argue that with him. Still, I rocked down into Ben’s fingers much as I could, pressing breathless, whimpering kisses to his lips. “I’m good, I’m good, oh God _mein herz, please…_ ”

“Fuck, Daniel…” Ben moved between my thighs, pulling them up against his sides. I felt the head of his cock press against me as he claimed my lips, kissing me slow and trembling and with far more patience than I wanted him to have. I pressed my heels to the small of his back, my breath catching in my throat as he began to press into me, his cock stretching me open with slow, careful rocks of his hips. The aching pleasure of penetration crawled hot and bright up my spine, but it was Ben’s choked, trembling groan that did it for me more than anything else. “My _liebling_ …”

I tightened my thighs around him, groaning breathlessly as he started to rock deeper in slow, smooth thrusts, each pushing a rush of pleasure through me. The thick girth of his cock inside me felt far more intense than any toy ever could, and I rocked up against him as much as I could. “Oh god yes…”

Ben pressed breathless, trembling kisses over my face, his hips giving a stuttering buck up into me. My twin’s voice was soft and completely overwhelmed and he spoke. “God… feels so fucking good finally being inside you….”

I whimpered in agreement, arching up against him, trying to push him deeper. “Wanted this so bad… Wanted you to just… take me up against the wall of the shower… stretch me open, pound into me… God, Ben, feel so good inside me…!”

“I could tell.” He drew shuddering breath against my mouth. “Wanted to fuck you so bad, right there where everyone could see… Make you come on my cock…”

The thought made me feel almost wild, and I kissed him desperately, fingers digging into his shoulders, urging more. “Need you… Oh God, Ben, harder! Show me how much you wanted this……”

Ben have a soft, incredulous laugh, tearing a shuddering kiss from my mouth before sitting back. He pulled one of my legs up to rest on his shoulder, wrapping an arm under my hips to lift me before pushing back into me. I cried out, pleasure blossoming through me as our bodies connected just right. "Just wanted this," he breathed, voice low and rough. "Wanted to take you to pieces and watch you come undone on my cock... fuck, _liebling_ , wanna make you feel so good..."

“So good,” I gasped, fingers fisting in the bedsheets under me. I felt completely overwhelmed with pleasure, each rock of his hips pulling me quickly closer, but despite the intensity I couldn’t look away from him. Ben held my gaze with complete focus, intent and adoring, and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

Ben turned his face to press a kiss to my calf, then started to move faster, wrapping his free hand around my cock, his breath ragged. “Daniel, fuck… can’t last long like this….”

I nodded, digging my fingers into the bed trying to arch closer, losing control of my restraint and crying out breathlessly. “Oh God, yes, please - God please come in me, oh God Ben - !

My twin give a choked, helpless cry, hips stuttering into me, and in a few more hard thrusts I felt him pulse and spill inside me and slick, hot spurts. It was the last piece of what I’d been longing for since we started - since before we started - and the complete gratification of that knowledge was what pulled me over the edge. I cried out breathlessly as pleasure overwhelmed me, spilling in Ben’s fingers as the slow rock of his hips drew out every last shiver of intensity, until I was breathless and whimpering and completely boneless under him.

Ben pressed another breathless kiss to my calf before easing it back down, pressing close and curling over me to press soft kisses to my forehead, nose and lips. “Shh, _liebling_ … I’ve got you.”

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, clinging tightly, feeling completely safe in his arms simultaneously more vulnerable than I ever had. I could hear the sound of my lover’s voice lost to passion, laughing and breathless, and that reassurance helped me relax into my brother’s embrace, focusing on him completely. “I love you so much,” I managed to whimper, and Ben give a soft, soothing noise, kissing me gently.

“Love you forever. I’ll always take care of you.”

“You always have,” I replied, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing tight. Ben smiled, cuddling me closer, and for a time I stopped thinking about anything except the joy of being close to him.

“God dammit, John. Did you get come on the wall?”

“Hey, you were the one that put me here. And you certainly weren’t concerned at the time.” A few moments later I felt Ben shift against me, taking the face cloth that John offered and sitting up to stroke the warm damp cloth over my stomach and chest. John smiled down on me warmly, reaching out to stroke the side of my face. “How are you doing, beautiful?”

“I’m really, really good,” I sighed, watching his smile widen. “But I’m sorry we didn’t really put on much for show for you.”

John grinned, shaking his head as he perched on the side of the bed. “I see enough crazy acrobatic sex positions at work. And that was hotter than all of them.”

I laughed softly, feeling myself flush, but still pleased at his praise. “Are you saying you don’t wanna watch us have crazy acrobatic sex?”

“Don’t listen to John. I definitely do.” Larry joined us, leaning in to kiss my brother. “Love watching you go all big strong alpha male on him.”

John gave an appreciative hum, turning to contemplate them. “All right. The next time I wanna watch Ben manhandle you back against his chest like he did to me yesterday.” He mimed a bicep curl to demonstrate. “Watch all helpless as your big strong twin lowers you down onto his thick cock…”

Despite being spent, I felt a shiver of arousal at the suggestion. Ben groaned softly. “You were fucking heavy, you know.”

John grinned and arched an eyebrow. “He’s way lighter than I am. Are you saying you don’t wanna fuck your brother like that? Look how much he wants it.”

I nodded, giving Ben my best wide-eyed look biting my lip teasingly. “I’d really like to feel that. Maybe out on the couch? We can both watch Larry fuck John on the Ottoman….”

My brother’s eyes narrowed appreciatively, and he reached out to stroke his fingers over my jaw, then trace his hand down my body slowly. I felt another soft wave of arousal, shivering under his touch.

Larry was watching me with a bemused smile, lips pressing against Ben’s shoulder. “And here I thought you were done doing porn.”

I reached out to stroke a hand on his forearm, covering his hand where it sat on the bed. “Maybe I just want to perform for a private audience.”

Ben stroked a hand on my thigh, eyes darkening is I shivered visibly. “All of this and your curiosity’s still not satisfied, _liebling_?”

“Perhaps my curiosity about filming porn. But I am an intellectual, you know. So there’s a lot more I need to experience… And I’m sure I’ll never be completely satisfied.”

Ben gave a soft growl as he leaned over to kiss me. “Then we’ll all have to help you with that,” he replied, low and promising, and I came to the sudden, delightful realization that filming with my brother had only been the gateway to far more amazing sexual awakening.

I arched up against him, claiming his mouth in a yearning kiss. “I can’t wait.”


	10. Bonus Thanksgiving PWP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel likes to revisit his shower scene with his brother in private, where they don't have to hold back and the only people watching are their lovers.

It didn’t happen often. Even finding the opportunity for us to all play together was rare - between work and school and shooting schedules and having everyone in the mood. But I’d become very good at reading my lovers and housemates, and when John murmured the suggestion in my ear early on Thanksgiving morning it only took me a few moments to assess the vibe and agree with him.

Ben was still in his housecoat and boxers on the couch, reading through some coursework. He set it aside as I joined him, giving a soft hum of surprise and appreciation as I straddled his lap. “Hello, _liebling_.”

I smiled and leaned in to press my lips to his, long and slow and leaving my intentions unmistakable. Ben’s hands smoothed up my thighs to cup my ass and pull me closer as we kissed, and I gave a soft groan into his mouth, rocking against him slowly and feeling myself quickly grow harder. “I’m going to take a shower. Would you like to join me?”

Ben’s eyebrows rose as his lips quirked into a smile. His hands continued to caress and knead at my ass, encouraging the slow rock of my hips against his. “Dad’s coming over for Thanksgiving dinner this evening and you want to spend the morning fucking?”

His words sent a rush of exultant desire through me. I’d never had any illusions about my sexual encounters with my twin brother being anything but completely deviant kink, but I’d never felt guilty about it. And when Ben took things down this path - teasing with the idea of restraint, of the wrongness of what we were doing - it always seemed to make the sex the hottest. My hips give a little jerk against his, my cock hard, stretching out the front of my yoga pants. “Fucking? Oh God, Ben. We can’t. You’re my twin.”

John perched on the arm of the couch beside Larry to watch us, he gave a soft, delighted groan. “Oh my God, I love it when they do this.”

I glanced over to him with a smirk in time to watch Larry run a hand up his thigh, cupping and caressing his half hard cock through his pants. “You dirty little deviant,” he murmured, his lips turning up into that sexy, lopsided smirk, blue eyes dark with promise.

Ben chuckled, low and throaty, and leaned in to nuzzle my jaw. “I know, baby brother… I just have such a hard time controlling myself around you…”

“I promise I’ll be good,” I breathed, catching his mouth again, moaning softly as I rolled my hips, intentionally grinding against the hard length of his cock. “Just come wash me. That’s okay, right? I just want my big brother to take care of me…”

Ben’s hands tightened on my ass, and he sucked my bottom lip between his, groaning low in his throat. “Don’t worry, _liebling_ … I’ll take care of you….”

Once we were in the shower, things devolved even more quickly. I couldn’t resist the temptation of my brother’s bare skin, especially wet and slick with soapsuds. I pulled him close to me, urging him to press me up against the wall so I could grind up against him, moaning as my cock slid against the slick, firm planes of his abs and along the hard length of his erection. Ben’s kisses quickly became more and more heated, and he pushed his hands between me and the wall, grabbing my ass and pulling me closer. "God, _liebling_ … we really shouldn't be making out...."

I whimpered, hips bucking up against him. "Then why are your hands still on my ass?"

Ben gave a soft, choked groan, pressing his fingers between my ass cheeks, teasing me. "Just can't keep them off it… Your ass is just so fucking perfect."

His words were as arousing as the tease of his fingertips, and I shuddered against him. "Oh god yes, finger me...."

"Mmm, sweetheart, we can't have sex...." He pressed one finger against me harder, rubbing, just breaching me, his breath ragged.

“Oh fuck… never, never…. Just fuck me with your fingers.” I grabbed the lube from the shelf beside the shower, pressing it into his hand. “Please, Ben, I need you so bad….”

Ben gave a little growl and flipped me, kissing hotly along my shoulder as he pressed me against the tiles. I whimpered, bracing myself on my forearms and grinding my ass against his cock. “You just want me to finger you?”

“God yes, just that. Just that, Ben please…” I glanced over to meet my lover’s gaze with a smirk. He’d settled himself on Larry’s lap on top of the toilet and had his hands wrapped around both his own cock and Larry’s, stroking slowly.

“Only that,” he murmured with a low chuckle, catching Larry’s mouth in a yearning, lingering kiss.

I felt Ben’s slick fingers press inside me and I rocked back against them, a soft cry escaping from my lips. “Oh fuck, yes…”

“You’re so fucking tight,” Ben gasped, pressing deeper, twisting them inside me. His movements were little more hurried and impatient than normal, which only made me hotter for him. “Fuck, Daniel…”

“Please let me feel you… Want to feel how hard you are for me, big brother…. “

Ben didn’t even try to argue, easing his fingers from my ass and pulling my hips back. He let his cock press between my ass cheeks, thrusting against me eagerly, the hard length of his cock rubbing over my hole. His voice was throaty, ragged. “Drive me so fucking crazy, god... we shouldn't be doing this... can’t let myself fuck you…”

Today he was even more impatient than normal, and it made me achingly aroused, made me want to beg him to fuck me. I tried to cling to self-restraint. "Oh never... just grind up against my ass... God, Ben, your cock feels so good…"

Ben nipped at my neck, giving a harder thrust against me, crying out with me. "Fuck, you make me so fucking hard, Daniel -!"

I bit my lip on a whimper, rolling my hips back against him. "Oh god, I wish we could fuck..."

Ben licked up my neck, drawing a shuddering breath against my ear. “Just the tip? I won’t fuck you….”

“Oh God yes. Just a little bit, that’s okay. Fuck, please…”

He poured more lube down my ass and over his cock, pressing the head against me and rocking slowly. I bit my bottom lip on a cry, hips bucking back against him despite myself, and I shuddered as the tip of his cock begin to stretch me open. It felt too good, and I couldn't make any more pretense at self-control.

I put one foot up on the edge of the tub to brace myself, trying to wiggle back against him, voice a desperate whine. "Oh fuck, oh please _mein herz_ more, please fuck me oh god fuck me - "

"Daniel - "

I couldn't think how he could resist, and I sobbed in frustration. I heard John give a little needy, incredulous moan, and it just made me feel even more desperate. "Need you inside me, come on please, just fuck me hard Ben, I'm begging you, need you so bad!"

My twin cursed under his breath, fingers curling around my hips, and gave in. I cried out, shuddering and exultant with the aching bliss of being stretched open by the thick girth of his cock. “Oh fuck, yes!”

Ben buried himself to the hilt with a few hard thrusts, rubbing against my prostate, pulling breathless, mewling cries from my lips. His breath was hot and ragged against my shoulder. “Fuck, so tight… God, _liebling_ , always feels so good being inside you, can’t help myself, can’t resist fucking you….”

I whimpered in agreement, rolling my hips back against him, crying out as he picked up the pace. “God yes, fuck me!”

“This is what you wanted all along, wasn’t it?” Ben nipped at the crook of my neck, each thrust a hot rush of pleasure punctuated by his words. “Just wanted big brother to fuck you so good… fuck you open and make you come on my cock - ”

“Oh God yes, yes, always!” I could hardly breathe under the onslaught of sensation, pleasure building hard and fast, and I knew I wouldn’t last long. “Going to make me come so hard – god, _mein herz_ , fuck me, use me hard and come inside me – “

“Not until I made you come all over the wall,” he growled, not letting up. “Fuck, _liebling_ , makes me so hot when you’re like this… desperate little slut for my cock, holding nothing back….” He a soft, breathless cry as his hips stuttered into me, and curled one hand around my cock. “Come on, sweetheart, let big brother take care of you….”

Ben’s plea was what did it for me more than anything else. I bucked back against him with a shuddering cry as the combination of it all overwhelmed me, clenching and shuddering around the thick girth of his cock as I came. I heard my brother give a desperate, little fucked-out cry, each hard buck of his hips extending the intensity of my orgasm until he joined me, spilling hot and slick inside me.

I glanced to John as soon as I could catch my breath. At some point he'd moved to perch on the bathroom counter, legs wrapped tight around Larry’s hips as he drove into him. My lover was gasping against Larry’s generous mouth, giving desperate little mewling cries, and I watched him arch tense against him and come, shivers of pleasure moving through his body as he gave himself over completely. It sent another warm rush of satisfaction through me, and I wriggled back against my twin’s cock, whimpering softly at the intensity of sensation on my overstimulated nerves.

“Oh fuck…” Ben buried his face in the crook of my neck, leaning against me heavily, panting. “I feel so dirty talking like that, but it’s so ridiculously hot…”

I laughed softly, finding one of his hands on the wall and covering it with my own. “It wouldn’t be as hot if we didn’t feel at least a little dirty and guilty about it….”

“Not too guilty?” Ben lifted his head, and suddenly anxious, and I turned my face back to catch his mouth in a soft kiss.

“Not at all, _mein herz_. Only in the thrilling, deviant knowledge of completely disregarding societal norms….” I bit my lip on a soft whimper as he pulled away, empty and aching without him inside me. But I turned in his embrace and wrapped my arms up around his neck, kissing him slow and warm and reassuring, stroking my fingers through his wet hair. “I love you. I love what we do. I don’t ever want to stop this as long as you don’t.”

Ben’s arms tightened around my waist, making me feel safe and possessed. “I don’t want to stop.”

“Good…” I purred, cuddling into him, my body humming with pleasure in the aftermath of sex. I glanced over to see John collapsed back against the mirror, panting and likewise sated, and he gave me a breathless grin as our eyes met. I laughed softly. “And I love what we do to John.”

“You get so… so fucking uninhibited… it really does it for me, darling,” he said with a low groan, tightening his arms around Larry’s shoulders. “If Lar wasn’t here I might get so desperate that I’d have to fuck myself with a cucumber.”

Larry raised his head from John’s chest in mock indignation. “Are you saying I could be replaced with a cucumber?”

John grinned, kissing him warmly. “Oh no. You’re much, much hotter than a cucumber. And much better at fucking the hell out of me.”

Ben chuckled, nuzzling my jaw. “I should start prepping for dinner… Let’s get cleaned up and dressed so we can pretend that we’re good little boys for the rest of the day.” His voice lowered as his lips ghosted mine. “And you’re going to ache from me fucking you all through Thanksgiving dinner….”

I bit my lip on a soft whimper. “And every time I sit down you’ll know that I’m remembering how good you just fucked me…”

John echoed my whimper. “Oh my God, guys, seriously please don’t get me started again.”

Larry chuckled, reaching back to grab a face cloth off the towel rack and wetting it in the sink to clean them both off. “Don’t worry, darling, there’s always cucumbers.”

I laughed, helping my twin as we cleaned off under the spray of the shower. Ben took his time, sweet and attentive, trading soft sweet kisses with me. Eventually I got out and toweled off, heading into my bedroom with John. I couldn’t help but feel a lingering sense of arousal from everything we’d talked about, and when John pulled me into a kiss I arched up against him, happily enjoying the warm familiarity of his naked form.

"I really, really like watching you," he murmured, hands stroking down to cup my ass. 

"Well I've always known that you were a dirty little voyeur," I replied, laughing softly and wiggling closer to him. "Is it better in person?"

"Fuck, of course. Not even comparable, love." He pulled back, suddenly concerned. "This isn't just for me, is it? If you and Ben want to play on your own - "

I cut him off with a hard kiss, voice a low growl "Not at all. You have no idea how much I get off on you watching me get fucked... knowing I can drive you crazy like that...."

John chuckled against my mouth, low and warm and appreciative, pulling me closer. “Wanna hide out in here for a bit so you can fuck my ass?”

I grinned and started to push him back towards the bed. "Happy Thanksgiving indeed."

~~~


End file.
